A question that brings success to the training of your horse
Dec 29th, 2009 by Carolyn
This is one of my favorite stories from my own experiences growing up with horses. This is a quick version of a story that will be out in my next book, a how-to book on the Waterhole Rituals.
The story offers a formula in “How to get what you want from a horse”. Let’s say you want to bond, or to be able to put a halter on a horse, or maybe you have a larger goal like winning the Olympics on a horse you have trained yourself, or take the “buck” out of your horse, or take the anger out of your horse, or teach your horse not to be afraid of a trailer, or teach him not to bite you, or how to be successful with the Waterhole Rituals to solve these issues, or to be successful using any method that has stumped you.
The secret to your success with a horse might be revealed to you through asking yourself one question only. From this question a path will unfold easily, you will return to what you “should be” doing with your horse rather than want you “would want” to do with your horse.
Maybe you read Tom Dorrance’s book “Harmony with Horses” and you want to make practical use of his obvious wisdom, but you do not know where to begin? So here is the story…
This question that my Dad asked me, led me to my success as a coach with people, and as a trainer, partner and best friend with horses!
When I was about 9 years old I wanted to start a business training horses. I went to my Dad and asked him how to get started, and he simply said “You need a sign that says HORSE TRAINING, with our telephone number and put it on the edge of the road”.
In those years, there were many horses in our town, with very few trainers offering a service, and this kind of service could possibly get a lot of business.
I was a child who wanted to train horses, but really did not have any experience in training them. I was very good with horses, but this is not enough. At that age we just know what we want! So I put the sign up and waited. Nothing happened for a good month. I then went to my Dad and told him that no one has called about putting a horse in training with me. My Dad said, “Did you advertise the price?” and I said “No”. He said, “Well, there is your problem”. I asked him what I should charge and he said to pick a price that a person could not refuse. He suggested that my training fee, and the board included, should be lower than the cheapest board in town. He told me he would pay for the hay; since we grew hay it would not be too costly, and I could keep the money I made.
I was thrilled. I opened a bank account and from the new sign, the calls started coming in.
My first customer had a horse that bucked and the client wanted the buck taken out. My Dad went and picked the horse up for me and we could see that this horse was a tough horse just from a feeling you had from being around him. He was a big chestnut, running quarter horse type.
We put him in a paddock and there he sat. I surely was not going to make the same mistake with him as I did with Pepper, the pony that I wrote about in my book “Naked Liberty”. I went to my Dad and asked him “What should I do with him?” I had never ridden a horse that bucked other than Pepper. I had no skills in fixing this kind of problem. This horse did not even like me. My Dad asked me the “Question” that empowered me for the rest of my life with horses, and that I hope will work for you as well.
He asked “Well, Carolyn, what are you not afraid to do with that horse?” I told him that I was not afraid to lead him. He said “There is where you should start. You can lead him out into the desert for 30 minutes and back, and you will have put in a good hour with him and can call that training”.
Wow! I had the formula, I could do that! So I led him into the desert and back, and called it training. I felt wonderful. At age of 9 I was self-employed, realizing my dream and I had money in the bank. I never look any further into the future. I just did my job. One day, my Dad told me : “By the countenance of that horse he looks like he is much happier, and has settled down. I do not think he will buck any more, why don’t you try riding him?” I did, and my father was right. I had trained my first horse.
The next horse that came in for training was not halter broke, and would chase me out of her pen. I was concerned about this problem. I thought I was not going to be able to fix this problem. Again my Dad asked me “What can you do with her, that you are not afraid to do?” I told him that I was not afraid to sit in her manger. He said: “Great, sit in her manger for an hour a day and call that training!” So I did.
She got used to me and I got used to her. I would collect the alfalfa leaves in a little pile, after picking the stems out, and then would feed them to her. She got to like my company, and understood how I was helping her finding the best hay. Sometimes she would try to push me away when I wasn’t quite finished with my selection, and I would then drive her out of the manger altogether. When she would return and respect my space, then I would give her what she wanted. We developed such a relationship that one day I was able to slip a halter on her head and use the rope to lead her to the piles I had made for her in the manger. Once she became comfortable with that I began taking her to specific places in her paddock that had treats for her. In no time I had her halter broke.
Horse after horse, the answer to fixing the horse was always found in asking myself “what I could do that was safe and that the horse would allow”.
Today when I work with a horse that is in training with me I simply look for the strongest connection I have in the moment and build from that. I never take for granted that I would expect a horse to perform no matter how well he is trained. This way I stay on the “right side” of the horse and I do not push too much, which keeps me in the harmony and unity that Tom Dorrance writes about in his book “Harmony with Horses”.
Today, I am here with my blog and services, that I have created, all meant to help you in the same way my Dad helped me, with stories and support and programs that are easy to manage.
Carolyn
Related posts:
Out of respect to them both and to clarify-Tom Dorrance wrote TRUE UNITY, Ray Hunt wrote HARMONY WITH HORSES.
Thanks, Carolyn for remembering and sharing your father’s wise words.
Hi Carolyn,
Checking in and catching up with all – have been very busy and distracted due to the fact that the stable where I keep my horse and pony is fighting strangles – we are turning the tide finally for the 16 horses that contracted it – my two included (12 so far are completely clean and resisting it). The care of our sick horses is made more difficult by the bitter cold weather we’ve been experiencing here in VA.
Thank you for sharing your father’s wise and empowering lesson/question – “what do I feel safe doing?” which seems to lead naturally to an eagerness to learn to do more.
Beth & Cookie,
in Virginia
Marja – I don’t know if it is okay to respond to each other here but in response to your post to me, thanks!
I enjoy reading about your UE work and I’ve found that the description of “floating” is very soothing to me and I’m not a horse (of course)! I can almost feel my own head floating. I had a dream the other night in which I was showing several people how to use Carolyn’s halter and bringing the horses head down and up and in!! I guess I am learning!
REading this UE process that all of you are experiencing keeps me connected to my horse-human relationship and the bliss that comes from being with horses.
Luckily I do have 6 horses I do Equine Reiki with although the weather here is very cold and this makes it hard for me to get myself out there…Mary
Hi Carolyn, Mark, Tessa, administration:
You will see a new email address here on this post, to which I prefer to have all responses forwarded from now on. I posted before to let you know it was me. Thanks and sorry for the extra work.
Hi Carolyn,
Feeling once again like a serious problem child…
1) It seems I have some serious phobias about ropes and halters, and I believe Capricho is picking up on it. The first joint of my left index finger is still sore, swollen, with circulation compromised by a surplus of scar tissue. So when I tried to halter him for the UE, I think he sensed my anxiety and kind of froze up (just like Mom). So what I’d like to do is return to total liberty MINUS TREATS for the UE. I did that yesterday, and although his little lips are moving, he so readily responds to my hand gestures and seems to love arching his neck to my pretend pulling down of his halter.
What I am thinking is to totally withhold treats during UE, then ration them on our other liberty work. He will work without anything at all a lot of the time. And I’m planning to do a lot of sharing territory – I have a lot of reading to catch up on.
Does this sound reasonable? He will put his head down with the halter, but always on that third try, and then he thrusts his head down low, as if to say “whadayathink, I’m stupid?” He is so much more comfortable at liberty, and is letting me walk almost all the way around him. In fact he doesn’t move at liberty. I have just been inching my way towards his tail at liberty on both sides, and might try circling him entirely today.
He is such a quick study. I read some trainers believe horses need hundreds, thousands of repetitions to learn a cue. I can but wonder what on earth is happening – this little guy has picked up cues the first time and repeated the request every time since (particularly picking up his front legs for the Spanish Walk). I think he’s hyperintelligent with a serious capacity to get bored if I don’t respect his intelligence.
2) I have created a new email, and will put that in a successive post. Sorry for all these administrative hassles. The landline account to which I have forwarded everything is a dinosaur.
Mary, beautiful post (54), I can resonate with what you wrote.
Well, I did some UE work yesterday for the first time, with my 6 year old mare Saegola.
) but with the floating hold and sometimes pretending she did what I asked, eventually her head came up very slowly again.
.
I never did the standing still and walking around her before, but she did it very nicely though and in a relaxed way.
She already knows the lowering of the head exercise and she has a tendency to run ahead of things, so as soon as I softly held her halter at both sides, she lowered her head to the ground immediately and held it there. That wasn’t really following my lead, haha… It took some time to get her head up again (she does this exercise the other way around, so it seems
With the lowering of the head I have to put some attention to her following my feel instead of rushing into things (she is rather the impatient type). She was really content and relaxed through the whole exercise though, sometimes licking, chewing, sighing and half closing her eyes.
She softly followed my lead to the left and right excellently.
She had to think deeply about the tucking in (she seemed a bit ‘absent’ at that moment) but after a few pauses, walking around her again, pretending she did what I asked, I believe she eventually tucked in just a few millimeters.
I was very pleased with her overall relaxed attitude!
Unfortunately however I don’t think I can repeat this very often in this freezing weather, because my toes almost froze off standing still! But well, I have tried and was very content with this first outcome. For now I will continue studying ‘in my mind’
Dear Carolyn – As you know I have no horse now to be working with but your question of what I can manage safely and not be afraid of applies everywhere in life. There is a way of thinking that says regardless of the fear, do what you are afraid of doing. Instead, your question asks me to face my fear, admitting it, watching it, noticing how it affects my life. Just as you would look at each horse and figure out where you could safely engage and not have to back of saying “Oh this horse is too dangerous or can’t be approached.”
In this way I step out of the whirlwind of the fear. Your question allows positive action to be taken and there is no need to run away. “Okay, I am afraid of this situation or person or responsibility…what can I manage, where is and what is the strongest connection can I make with my truth and therefore with the situation?” The rest will follow…
Dear Carolyn!
I have to day read the blog, an I find it a very wise sentence your father gave you to remember. I for sure will bring it with me and use it in my further work with horses.
your sincerely
Helle
Thank You Carolyn. I think you have just given me an idea about how better to connect with my mare.
Hearing your story about your father has awakened a sweet memory I have of my own father. When I was young I wanted a horse more than anything, but my father told me we couldn’t afford to have one. The lovely memory I have is made richer by your father’s advice to do what you COULD DO with your horse. See, my father is the one who did what your father advised you to do: He did what he COULD do! He COULD afford to take me every Sunday to the local riding stables to ride for an hour, and he did so without fail! And how I did love him for it!
Likewise I learned to do what I COULD do. I COULD have my longing to be with horses satisfied once a week, and I COULD develop my riding skills.
I carry this lesson with me to this day. In fact, just last week I was contemplating how I might ask my horse to turn and come back to me as I’m leading him from behind at liberty. I remembered that I COULD use my cue to come to me even though I was in a different position! And then when I was successful with that and wished for a more energetic turn and return from him, I remembered I could swiftly flick my stick and string toward his hindquarters and he would (and did) know just what I was asking for! And the best part is that I think both my horse and I were proud of both of us for figuring it all out. We had learned to do the new thing together, all simply based on what we COULD already do!