Allowing Interactions From A Place Of Wonder
May 11th, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
Today’s blog comes to you courtesy of my apprentice, Lila.
Working on the ranch as Carolyn’s apprentice student I am having many opportunities to appreciate the subtleties of the Waterhole Rituals and learning what creating willing relationships with a horses REALLY looks like.
As a professional consultant and coach, working at training people for the past 25 years, working intensely with horses for the past 12 of those years, I feel that I have a good grasp on what it takes to create willing partnership in my students and trainees etc. But that being said, I must tell you that what horses are showing and teaching me is dramatically expanding that understanding. I want to share with you the continued evolution of what my horse Sebastian and I are creating together.
Some of you may have heard about my experience with my horse Sebastian at liberty in the arena a few weeks ago; how I was playing with him looking to see what training opportunities would evolve. We played with a barrel and I learned about the power of focus and sharing leadership though reciprocal movements. As I have observed Carolyn with horses I see that with some horses you have to have an overpowering focus, like a superhero with miraculous focusing powers, to communicate with horses and keep their attention. I am also learning it is just as important to be able to completely let go of my agenda and the need for the horse to do what I ask in the moment. If I am truly giving my horse freedom when we are together then he has the volition not to do what I ask. By letting him decide for himself, every time he chooses to cooperate, he becomes more willing and new opportunities emerge.
Here is the next evolution to our journey together. The barrel behavior led to another new offer from Sebastian. When I went out to feed him the next day, his feed tub was flipped on its side. I was lazy and I didn’t want to have to go all the way round his pen to open the gate, and turn over his bin. So I thought I would try to communicate with him and see if he would flip it up for me. The chances that he would right his tub for me was only a remote possibility as it was a different situation, a different space and I was not standing next to him able to touch or tap on the tub. I asked him to put his tub right side up so that I could put hay in it. Again I was not sure he would do it, but I asked him with expectation that he could or he would do it. I kept my focus, at the time, he was more interested in the wheel barrel of food that was waiting for him, but I keep asking and HE DID IT, he tipped his tub up!!
A week later, my husband went to feed for me and over my shoulder I hollered out, oh by the way, if his tub is tipped over ask him to it up for you before you put the food in it. As my husband Chris was just visiting the ranch for the day and has not been involved in all of these training experiences, he seemed more focused on the task of feeding and walked away from me as I was making my request. I really did not think Chris understood, or would have the intent, focus or patience to pursue this. But, much to my surprise, he came back up the hill with a happy look on his face exclaiming, that as he was walking down the hill to Sebastian’s pen, he was thinking about what I had asked him to do and wondered to himself if Sebastian would do it. Sebastian, who was standing by his food tub saw Chris coming, saw the hay he was carrying, and just as my husband was just a few steps away from the pen, Sebastian flipped his tub up right, before Chris even had to ask.
Carolyn has been sharing with me about this concept of the New Horse and what that is. She says the horses are hiding from us, we do no know who they are, because we do not pause and look and wait to understand who they are and that they want to communicate. When we allow and give the space for horses to emerge, we discover behaviors and receive communications from them that we never imagined. My experience suggests to me that the New Horse emerges in the space we generate together as part of a co-creative partnership, it happensi n the moments in-between. The new horse is always evolving, becoming more willing and surprising us with his creativity and partnership.
When we stop expecting our horse to engage from an idea of fixed performance and instead allow interactions from a place of wonder, focusing on the bond and respect in all interactions, we evolve together. This way, when and if we can do this, we CAN have an agenda, because we will see the opportunities of when to present the agenda to the horse that would cause the horse to want to participate.
I hope you enjoyed Lila’s observations and her progress with Sebastian!
Carolyn
No related posts.
WOW is all I can say, I love this expression the New Horse and i know they are hidden! I often speak of the dream they hold for the New Humanity and how powerful their collective/mind/energy is. This is great, to feel all this being expressed in the human collective field so that we can all evolve into the beautiful and expressive Dance with them. Oh glorious journey!
I also have to comment here on how excited I am about the book writing of all our journeys! A book written by horse on training the human!
What a joy to be together in this beloved Intention.
Amber Hinton
I just love all the blogs. They are both inspirational and helpful. Thank you!
“The New Horse” I love it.
And I very much enjoyed everyone’s stories. Congratulations on your progress!!
I like the concept of the New Horse and the way you explain it. It is lovely.
Just think how much we are able to detect if only we allow ourselves to be in the moment and be aware of the moments in-between.
Lila, thank you for sharing your story and thoughts.
Hello–Lila–this is so wonderful! Connie H. , I love your stories, too. I am taking my mare Chasta to Liz Mitten Ryan’s next week so that she can be part of the healing sessions with Liz’s horses and when our vet arrived to do the required blood draw to get her papers to cross the Canadian border, she strode over to him purposefully and announced that she was ready. Simply because a halter is protocol, I smiled at her and offered it and she put her head in it and I dropped the lead on the ground–she took a step towards Dr. Ingman and bent her neck to help him. There is no question in my mind that she would have offered this at liberty. This emerging New Horse is a superhorse with a superbrain and a superheart. Chasta makes me feel like superwoman and at the same time, a young girl just discovering her power.
I left my homework comments on the IC blog so hope that is correct.
Love to all,
Connie Funk
Loved your story, Lila. I am constantly amazed at how my horse reads my mind. So much so that I have to be so careful of what I think. If I have a negative scenario running through my head you can bet he will act it out! He’s taught me an awful lot – to have both a clear focus and intention but also not to demand and expect something to go absoltely a certain way. But just to have a ‘quiet’ sort of intention and clear focus, and then he quite happily cooperates more often than not.
I really enjoyed this story and insight. I am learning more and more of the wonderful things that spring forth during the pause. My once nippy gimme 4 yr old has learned too that his rewards come during the pause. I can set a bucket of carrots under his nose and he stands head erect until I say “Gooood Boy!” I have to be more aware too because he may be standing so quietly and politely when he is actually communicating with me loud and clear saying “don’t you think I deserve a carrot?” Thank you Lila and Carolyn.
Blessings, Regina
Insiders Club
Lila, thank you for sharing your stories. It is wonderful to see how the world of horses can open up many magical connections, even those we would never anticipated. You are so blessed to be able to spend time at Carolyn’s place learning with your horse.
I had an interesting experience with Yowahtee as we are growing our bond. Our barn owner has planted a couple pots of flowers at the entrance to the barn. Included in the flowers are a plant of grass decorative stuff that is a draw to my horse, perhaps any horse. The day after they were planted we were walking inside at liberty and he saw the ‘grass’ and grabbed it in the middle, pulling it out, rectangular roots and all! ready to eat! I went right to him and grabbed each end coming out of his mouth and said ‘let go’, he pondered a minute with it gripped like a vise in his teeth and let go:)! I replanted it, in its zig zag form, teeth marks and all. I hope it survives.
Then yesterday, he had ambled up to the door, letting me know he was happy to be done grazing and sharing territory and was ready for a nap inside with the others (it was a rainy day and they were in). As I started walking to him, he spotted a different pot with the grasses and pulled it out of the pot, I said from several feet away, a moderate, no, no, no…and he looked at me and set it on the ground, walked away to some regular grass and nibbled it while I replanted that one, without teeth marks in it.
I still chuckle about it even to think of it because of the expressions on his face, his acknowledgement and his actions. I used no reed, just energy and communication and he got it.
And yesterday, he had some massage/chiro work done. It is his third and final session. He was much more relaxed this time, and the woman doing the work said to him that it was because he now understood the point of it…and he started bobbing his head up and down in yes fashion exhuberantly. I love, love, love the communication we are building, and the personality that he is feeling free to express.
How lucky we all are to be learning from Carolyn!
Thanks Lila for sharing your lessons and insights . Namaste Sherry
Thanks so much for this post. It gets me back on track with my abused horse. He has suddenly starting saying “no” again after my absence of a few weeks. I need to listen to him and try to hear why he’s hiding himself again and not, even subtly, intimidate him into my “agenda.”
Very nice story, Lila. I have found myself asking one of my older horses for help at times by using the power of suggestion and focus in the same way you did. Once when my horses were grazing at my neighbor’s house, I had trouble rounding up my youngster, Banner. I knew I could have walked home to get a halter and lead rope, but instead I “asked” my older horse Bayou to help me lead Banner to the arena. At first I thought I had failed miserably when the two of them took off through my neighbor’s yard, but when I began walking home to get the halter, I realized that Bayou and Banner were both waiting for me at the gate to the arena. They just went a different direction to get there. When I opened the gate, they both went right in. I still get tickled whenever I think about that.
Please keep sharing your stories with Sebastian as they are always heartfelt and encouraging. –Carol
Good story and example, thanks for sharing
Lila – I love Sebastian’s intelligence and his enthusiasm for interacting with you and your husband. It’s so true that no one wants to be forced to learn something, yet in our society, that’s unfortunately the way it’s usually done. To have the time, the patience and the skill to really listen is more and more rare. That’s why what Carolyn is teaching us and what the horses have to offer is priceless. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. I look forward to hearing more about your relationship with Sebastian.
This is a really great post Lila. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It chimes with what I am discovering with my cob Ben, who is surprising me with all he can communicate. For me it is all about allowing the pause, slowing down in the moment and waiting and listening. And trusting him of course.
Máire
In-a-box student
Dear Lila,
Thank you so much for sharing and encouraging us to communicate on all levels with horses, and to be open to their creativity.
I relate to your experiences with Sebastian: Sun seems constantly aware of my inner thoughts and external communications with her, the horses and people, so much so that I need to be really clear in myself, which requires much meditative power!
A couple of examples: I had the thought of standing on a stool and playing with Sun- grooming or whatever came up – but before I stood on it, Sun had already placed her leg on the stool and kept it there for some time! Another time I saw Sun initiate mutual grooming with another horse and I thought, I ought to offer to take her rain sheet off so she can have a good scratch and immediately she walked up to me and asked me to give her a huge scratch.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that since the current programme began and I have the instruction and support to develop skills that these incidences are happening all the time!
I look forward to meeting you and Sebastian in Youtube land.
Many thanks,
“When we stop expecting our horse to engage from an idea of fixed performance and instead allow interactions from a place of wonder, focusing on the bond and respect in all interactions, we evolve together.”
This is BEAUTIFUL and very true, thanks for sharing your experiences Lila!
I, too, love the expression “interacting from a place of wonder” because it exactly expresses the feeling of being in the moment and open to suggestions from the horse about where and how to evolve daily interactions and even shape the course of the relationship.
Of course most horses are hiding inside themselves to some degree. All you have to do to understand why is to watch a young foal interact with the world naturally. They are so sensitive and reactive to stimuli from their environment that the “normal” process of halter-training and man-handling babies to give them “proper” veterinary and farrier care and grooming must be terrifying torture that overloads their senses. It almost has to drive them, eventually, into learning to supress their true curious, explore-everything-with-your-mouth nature and more-or-less hide inside themselves when people are handling them. Because even very young horses can really hurt you, most trainers use some degree of intimidation to control them right from the beginning. That kind of pressure, on a sensitive young spirit, has got to make many horses introverted around people. They don’t dare expose their real selves because their experience with people, right from the beginning, tells them it gets scary when you do so.
The wonder is that the process can be reversed most of the time and the true inner horse — energetic, curious and confident — can emerge. To me, that is one of the great joys of learning to apply Carolyn’s ideas.
Hi Lila
I really enjoyed that, and I love how your experiences are so profound but lighthearted too!
Looking forward to more…
Kirsty
Hi Lila,
thanks for writing this up. I love the expression “interacting from a place of wonder.” I can’t stop being amazed how much my mare is offering as we advance in our journey, and I no longer “demand” anything. And being around her grounds me so I can feel when the right time to ask is. I think I’d be sick or dead if I didn’t have the gift of her presence in my life.
What a dream to be at Carolyn’s ranch, and with your own horse, Sebastian!!
Christian
Very inspiring, thank you! Excellent portrait.
Oh Lila!
Yes, yes, yes!!!!!! I feel the truth of “the horses are hiding from us”… how perfectly Carolyn has put it.
They can only ‘show’ themselves when we give them the space & time to do so.
And when we quieten ourselves & FEEL, that is STOP THINKING!
This example is kinda nice I think…
Buddy, a big TB (I’m thinking of buying him now, help! LOL!) is a 7yo, been in a paddock for ages with not much human contact. Then several people had a go at riding the poor boy, needless to say it was not a good outcome.
He craves contact, but is nervous.
I have been spending time with him, just touching & a bit of lead, follow stuff (reciprocal).
I was giving him some massage a few days ago & must have hit a sore spot on his wither. He did not startle, but walked away.
Yesterday as I stroked him, he moved himself so that that exact spot was under my hands & leaned into me!
Before I THOUGHT anything, I was kneading that area firmly. Quietly it dawned on me that we were rocking together in a lovely rhythm.
Yes, indeed he was ‘showing’ me something very intimate for him.
Horsey blessings,
Moyna
Great story, Lila. Thanks for sharing. I like the concept of the New Horse. And I also like the way you closed with the Agenda. Thank you, Lila and Carolyn.
Thanks for sharing. Great story about your husband too. Look forward to more discussion of the New Horse.
Lila,
I love your story thanks fo sharing. It takes very aware humans to step into this new relationship with horses. Your an inspiration.