“Break” the Resistance out of Your Horse? I Think Not!
Jan 31st, 2013 by Carolyn Resnick
Working around the resistance of your horse rather than directly. This is the subject of my blog today.
My mother was so good in the kitchen. She could taste anything and then make it even better, from the things we ate in a restaurant to what she was cooking in the kitchen. She made cream pies, fruit pies, lemon meringue, and the best fillings I have ever eaten. The crust in these pies was so delicious that if there was no pie filling, I did not miss it because the crust was sooooo good! Many times she would make crust for me without the filling, adding just some butter, sugar and cinnamon. Coming home from school I would often look forward to my mother’s light, flaky, crispy pie crust as a treat and there it would be waiting for me. She would put the pie crust on a cookie sheet and then when it was baked she would break it up in manageable size pieces.
My mother tried to teach me how to make a crust. However it always came out tough no matter how careful I was to not over work the dough.
Following a method to train a horse can be allot like me trying to make a pie crust. The more I worried about making it tough, the worse my crust got.
If we focus too much on fixing a behavior we do not like in our horse, we may only increase the problem. I was focused on not making a tough crust rather than making a good crust. Probably, if I had changed my focus I would not have proven time and time again I was never going to get it!
Focusing on what we do not like has a tendency to increase worry and create more separation from your horse. So maybe you get the problem fixed, but your connection with your horse will suffer greatly from what you put your horse through. See your situation with your horse not as a problem but only as a need to lay a stronger foundation. So simple and so easy.
Vincent Spiaggia, a dear friend, taught me over the years that just a different word choice can make a world of difference in how things turn out for the better with no more effort than a turn of a phrase or choice of a word. I used to choose words that were damaging to my relationships that Vincent said did not really match who I am. Choosing words that are allowing has helped my outlook in life and this outlook has drawn more support and good energy to me in the things that I am focused on.
It seems reasonable to put your efforts into fixing a problem when you think you have one.
But this approach many times creates a greater negative attitude that will cause you to look for more things you do not like in your horse. Like draws like and what you focus on will bring you more of that. There is allot written about this from the new science quantum physics. When I was growing up my elders told me the same thing and I bet you heard it too when you were growing up. It is good advice, especially working with horses. Horses read the feelings that you project, even when you think you have hidden your feelings. They are extremely sensitive beings.
If you see your horse needs a stronger foundation, you will not pick on your horse like you would if you viewed your horse’s behavior as a problem. Your horse can feel your insecurity and lack of trust in him. But instead of looking at the situation as a problem, look at it as only a situation. This places no blame which opens the door to resolution and a more harmonious approach.
To prevent building a negative attitude, take the time to build the bond before you start your training each day. Start each day on what your horse is willing to do and then build upon that, even if you need to start at the beginning. I start each day warming up the connection with my horse by doing exercises to reestablish the bond, trust, respect, focus and willingness; which I call the 5 heart felt strings of connection. This is the easiest way to advance the performance of your horse to a higher level. Not addressing the problem and working on these exercises the problems will disappear with no explanation.
If I ever need to interact with a horse that is resistant in the moment, I rely on evolution to play a major role in removing the resistance. Notice, I did not say “problem” I said “resistance”. Let’s take it one step further to soften it more by not looking at the resistance but instead looking at what kind of foundation training would work to bring cooperation and willingness. When we hit resistance, it comes from something we have asked for that is out of line. It really has nothing to do with the fault of our horse.
Games
www.yogawithhorses.com
I then pick out or create games that bring the horse around slowly, not to point out to the horse that he is being forced to do something he does not want to do. When I spend time making a connection in the moment it helps to remove the resistance and it gives me time to think of what games would help my horse to be in alignment with me and to move him past his resistance and further his training at the same time.
I use flexible leadership; this means that when a horse responds to my leadership negatively, I then choose something else he would do for me. I am very willing to change up the games to move the horse through the resistance. What also helps is to drop my expectations if my horse should not respond the way I think he should. This way the flow does not get interrupted and I don’t show disappointment. I am direct with my leadership and willing to negotiate. I stay light hearted and keep my horse that way too.
Each day, the fist step is spending enough time in building a deeper bond before you begin foundation training. Taking this time will help you to shift your point of view so that you can approach your horse in a relaxed manner and you can use a positive adjustable leadership approach.
What I would do with an extreme horse, or a horse that is a bit resistant in the moment, is that I do not baby him nor push him through things either. I take charge by approaching him in a quiet and firm manner and ask for something that I know that he would do in order to get back the control. From this approach a horse will respond positively. I do allot of different games he would say “yes” to in order to put him into a better frame of mind. I then move forward by bringing games that are just a bit more challenging, so he might need to pause before he does what I ask him to do. Yes, it takes a bit of a mind reader to pick the right games. Find the rhythm of your horse and then ask him to change his rhythm to be faster or slower. From changing up the rhythm, the horse will make more effort to follow your lead.
To work with resistance it helps to have a belief in yourself and your horse, leadership ability, a deep love of your horse and a willingness to spend more time developing the horse.
All horses look for leadership and have a natural desire to learn new things and do what they are told if the connection is there in the moment. It takes practice and trial and error to work with a horse that needs more foundation training. The right amount of push, or pause, is essential to keep the willingness of your horse. You can make all the mistakes you want and all you need to do when one happens is create more activity in your horse; or ask your horse to stand, relax and wait for the connection between you to return. You errors will even help the connection to become more dependable because of the practice it creates between you and your horse. It is a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Like my mothers ability in the kitchen. Building more foundation takes less skill than fighting the resistance or pushing a horse through the resistance.
Horses are great teachers in humbling our egos. Giving up the agenda, slowing down to get rid of the rush and appreciating the service a horse does offer us, helps you to get into the zone. If we can give up our goals we are then able to create a training program of fun games that are more realistic. Unrealistic expectations, and by not taking time to lay a good foundation, can be overwhelming for both the horse and human.
Working with a challenging horse, using my method, it helps to have enough background with horses to be able to know how to lead and ride a well trained horse and not remove the willingness or diminish the performance of the horse. Everything we do in every moment influences the behavior. We can actually undo the training as well as create a better performance in just a few moments of leading or riding. I wrote about this in my book, Naked Liberty, in chapter 12, page 95. I had been riding for years before I discovered that fact but I learned it quickly by letting a person ride my horse for a short time and then seeing how obstinate that rider made my horse.
It is so important to find a horse that complements you or be willing to accept a horse as he is. So many people try to save a difficult horse and then try to train it when they need more skills in knowing how to educate an extreme horse, this is not a good idea. If you fail you loose your trust in horses and in yourself. It is better to build your experience with a horse that will take care of you. I did this for years, working with horses that complimented me, and what it did for me was build my confidence up so much that even extreme horses trusted me and were willing to come around just from the magnetism and confidence I exuded.
So let’s say you have saved a horse that is not an easy fix.
What should you do about it? First thing I would do is find a person that has done well with horses that exhibit your horse’s attitude and behavior. Then I would work with that person to bring the horse around.
If you are interested in learning my method, you can win over your challenging horse by learning my method on an easy horse first. It is a long walk, but very rewarding. The long walkers in the field of horse training are always the ones we look up to. All you need is a willing heart, natural leadership ability and enjoy your horse as he is. This way you will evolve your understanding of your extreme horse.
In my online course we can work together, you and I, and come up with games that will bring about a fun and realistic program that works for both you and your horse.
Be on the look out for new horse and human sightings and may the horse be with you.
Here is a video of my mother and I working on her exercises that might help anyone you know in this similar situation. And again, thank you everyone for your support. My mother is doing better since I have been able to keep her at home and take care of her here with your help.
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Related posts:
Sorry, I could not remember my blog name—It has been a while since I made a comment. I have been so busy with work and other things I have not been checking in for a long time. But now I intend to more regularly.
I really like the post today. It spoke to many issues I have had with my horse, Snowy. I think over the last year of not being on the blog much, and being so busy so I was not pushing him to do things, has been very important because I have relaxed and gotten back to what I really want—just to hang out and love my horse and pony. When things have been stressed in my life, I have found that just sitting in the pasture with my horse and pony have really helped me connect with what is important in life. And I have integrated your teachings more subtly over the time, not pressuring myself to “get it all”.
Thank you again for all your time and effort on this wonderful blog, Carolyn.
Dear Carolyn,
what a wonderful blog…
So I just wanted to say THANK YOU for your beautiful words and for teaching us about this.
I wanted to quote some of the parts that touched me the most, but ended up quoting almost all post
Lately we’ve been talking about the change in my walks with Angel and that was exactly about this! All that time I was focused on the ‘problem’ and as soon as I forgot about it and just started to have fun and really ENJOY the walks the ‘problem’ disappeared just like that.
Thank you Carolyn… without you I would have never learned about this!
The video of you and your mom brought tears to my eyes… so beautiful… the love and tenderness between you two is so beautiful. Give your mom a big loving hug from me! Thank you for sharing this beautiful video and I’m happy to hear that she’s doing so much better. She isso lucky to have a daughter like you.
Much love,
Aline
Carolyn,
Last blog you told me to use my imagination more when working with my horses and to get back with you. I think you said to imagine what my horse would like to do with me. Or at least that’s what I got out of it!
So to update.
I have a black trunk in my open space arena that I sit on from time to time. So a couple days ago I went out in the wind and cold and sat because it’s windy and cold most of the time and I was trying not to make excuses for myself. I was not enjoying myself but there I was. Shorty Niki came over and stood next to me. She could have walked on by to go graze in the sparse pasture but she didn’t. I had my short whip across my lap. Niki started to play with it. I would move it around just so she couldn’t get it in her mouth. She liked this game. I let her make all the rules except getting too close and chewing on the box were not allowed. She entertained herself walking around and playing with me. After about 20 min. she went on her way to graze. The next day she came to the gate in front of my house and was waiting for me to come out and play. When I didn’t she went over to the big black box and waited by herself. I went out for a few minutes to sit again only this time I had to leave.
Today I offered her some senior pellets in her tub. We are warming back up to practicing interacting after a 7-8 week break from Holidays & flu. So I noticed the last couple days I have all this intention (and tension) around whether or not my horses are “making progress” and being resistant or seeing behaviors crop up that I don’t like or whatever the issue.
I thought to myself. I’m not really enjoying this. Why should they? So today I turned things around in my head. I thought instead of flowing with the attitude of the horse I am going to shift my own energy every time I see it deviate from anything other than fun , joy and loving to be with my horses.
So I put the tub down and practiced “head up” & head down” with Niki a few times then shared territory while she finished up. Then I got her grooming box out and started with her tail. I love grooming her tail and she loves it too. I worked my hands under her belly back to her teets. She had some build up and I gently pulled it off but the second attempt to get the rest was met with her intention to kick. Instead of reacting to her with a shout or reprimand I quickly went to her head and gave her reassuring words and head rubs that everything was fine and finished grooming her . THEN….DRUM ROLL I picked her hooves. I tapped lightly for her to pick them up and she did so and almost held them for me. I had just been thinking “How the heck does Carolyn get her horses to lift their hooves up on command?” So as I went from her rear hoof to the front I thought I would try something. I said ” Niki Hoof up!” She didn’t lift it. I asked two more times tapping on her leg. Still no response. Then something made me look up and I saw she was holding up her rear leg and waiting!!! When she placed it down I asked her one more time “Hoof up!” and she lifted her front hoof into my hand. Session over and praise abound. I left feeling really good about my horse and seeing how smart she is and how much she really does want to please me. I don’t know if this is what you meant by using my imagination but it’s what I/we came up with. I kept your comment about using positive references to my horse in mind. I like what you said about resistance and getting someone else to help you through areas you may be having problems in. There is a very fine line between resistance and resentment. Niki and I keep sliding into this area. If changing my attitude doesn’t do the trick then I will seek out some feedback from another professional in the area.
Thank as always for your spot on blog!
Best,
Kristin
Dear Kristin,
I do not thing that there is a line between resistance and resentment.
Resentment can cause resistance. Resistance is an is a response and resentment is an attitude.
What you are doing is a good thing. If you would like make a list of the things your horse does not want to do for you and share them with me. Let me know what you have tried to do to bring more willingness and the result.
When even you do in your training if it is not getting better in a timely fashion that is good you will seek help.
Sorry I did not get to answering you sooner.
Thanks for staying in touch.
Warmly,
Carolyn
Dear Carolyn,
It was so wonderfull to see you with your mother, it filled my heart with joy and love.
The blog was an interesting reading too! i am thinking of how importent that is how we see things.
We have been taking care of Ameri kahn´s hooves to day. When he noticed what we where going to do he started to move around and not letting Lena in to his offside. We didn´t make a problem of it. if he wanted to fuss around it was ok to us. After a while he stopped, he noticed that we didn´t care. Lena started to scratch him and we told him he was a good boy. He calmed down and lowered his head and Lena lifted his hoof up
Love from Anna-Karin
Heartwarming to see you with Pauline. And I am not AT ALL surprised that you have developed a program for her. Of course you would – you are a natural and compassionate teacher! Thank you again for another blog about working with resistance. I love what you said about looking at it as a situation and not a problem or even resistance. And again, this applies to all our relationships.
Take care!
Loved watching your exercise video with Pauline Carolyn! So much love and fun you were both sharing!
I remember in my mother’s early stages of Alzheimer’s when she would ride horseback her memory and cognitive functioning would hold for several days.
I do not live close enough to contribute in this way. The care person who lives with her might be willing to try them out. I think it’s a great idea.
Is there a manual that has these exercises in it?
Please continue your videos of you and Pauline.
Best to you both,
Kristin
Dear Carolyn, how precious to see you working these excercises with your mom. My mother has Alzheimers and I believe these would help her. I want to donate but would like to send a check. Who do I make it out to and where do I send it? Blessings~Lisa & Magnum
checking in, thanks Carolyn
Dear Carolyn,
I hope you remember me. I sent you a letter with pictures of me on horses when I was a little girl. I relate to you so much as we are both only children and have a love for horses. (and dogs) I am only a teensy bit younger than you. I have no horse, but volunteer at a horse rescue. I so enjoyed your post about your mother’s pie crust. My mother had the same skills and also had the ability to look at a dress in a department store and then come home and make it herself. The picture of your mom in the kitchen looks like a perfect commercial for Betty Crocker in the 50′s. I think you should post the recipe for your mom’s pie crust, so we could all give it a go. Ha! I did the exact same thing you did. I was always (still am)so nervous trying to make a tender crust like Mom’s, that in my mind it was never as good! The video of you helping your mother is priceless! (Loved Apollo, too!) I think he was also taking in the lesson or at least appeared to be a good little student.
Lots of love,
Linda Mangold
Lakewood, Colorado
Another horse-human sighting. Giving up Resistance. Had another amazing day with Cowboy doing speed control yesterday. New rules, little scratching when we start, no treats (big shock for him, but it worked). Shared territory for about 15 minutes, and we started with a nice LFB. Slow and then faster. When he began to turn back around me before we reached the end of the arena, I sent him away at a trot He went back to the other end of the arena, and turned and gave me both eyes and waited to see what was next. After a pause we resumed LFB and he went nicely down and back, faster and slower. Small scratch. Then we started CW, he wanted to go sloooow. So I speeded up and said faster, and he kept up. We alternated faster and slower. The second or third time going faster, a one point he started to trot and realized I was not going to trot and brought his speed back to mine. Very nice. We went back to very slow, slower than he wanted, and he was great. We halted and small scratch. No wasted attention on where the treats were, because there were not any. We did slower and faster between pole bending poles set up in a triangle, going fast between them and then slowly around each in a circle. At one point CB got a little frustrated and started to trot. I sent him away. Again he went to the other end of the arena with both eyes on me. He did not eat despite having a pile of hay. I sat and waited on the ground, and after a while got up and started walking past him and called him to me. He came and we did some “little faster” companion walk. Halt and back. Then, a friend walked up and we went over to the fence to visit. This fence has feed buckets that Cowboy usually investigates. He did not this time. He stood beside me and took a nap. We stood like that for ten minutes. Then I excused myself from him and went 1/2 way across the arena and sat on a barrel. After about 3 minutes, Cowboy came over and said hello and stood there by me until it was time to go in for feeding. Heaven! I can really see where the speed control is going to help in amazing ways on the ground and riding!! Thank You!!! P.S. Cowoby is still a little curious about where his little slave woman went.