A Day At Dances with Horses: Meeting Stoli
Jul 23rd, 2009 by Carolyn
A lot happens in small increments. This is where magic is grown.
At the Ranch today we were acclimatizing a horse by the name of Stoli to the ranch and developing a bond with him using the first Waterhole Ritual™. He is a 21 year old ex racehorse that is a schoolmaster in lower level dressage. He is quite nicely trained, very health and moves around like a young horse. He has a problem though of being quite barn sour and does not really enjoy peoples company but he does like his dressage work. He likes to kick other horses and has made a deep bond with his next door neighbor. He has been on the ranch for over a week and is taking his time in wanting to connect with us.
I have leased him from a friend for my apprentice Julia Felton who is with me for a period of three months. She is here to learn my method and study dressage training and riding. Our trade is that she his helping me to finish my book as well as helping me with my daily responsibilities. In return, I am coaching her on the Waterhole Rituals™ and giving her dressage lessons.
The way my ranch is laid out means that the arena is on a lower level from the horse’s paddocks and so when a horse is in the arena they can no longer see the other horses. This set up, and that fact the Stoli is very herd bound and has never learned to need people for friendship, means that settling him in is very slow going.
This is good for Julia because she said she wanted a horse to challenge her. Julia’s challenge is to set aside her goals and dig into the process of going deep into the elements in how to turn a horse around that has never been bonded to any person from the ground. Stoli seems to like his training in dressage very much but after the ride he disconnects from wanting to feel anything for a human being other than the most surface kind of relationship where no real connection occurs.
Today we helped him out when we took him to the arena by taking another horse for company. We put some grain in the arena for him to eat, but at first he was so upset that he could not eat anything. I had Julia sit with him and hold his lead rope because I knew that he would run around and wear himself out wanting to get back to his friends.
After a while I took charge of Stoli and did a few Uberstreichen exercises with him to get his focus on me. I also did a lot of heaving breathing and when he looked back at the barn longingly, I would turn him around to face me and breathe on his nose. Little by little he settled down and ate some grain. I kept an intense focus on every move he made and mirrored it in my body language so the horse could read that I was truly connected to everything he did. Eventually, he started to communicate with me with his focus and breath as well. I turned him loose and he walked with me at liberty in Companion Walking with a magnetic connection for about a minute. Then he went back to running, trying to find a way back to his stable mate even though he had another horse with him, his grain, and my focus as well as Julia’s. I stopped his running after about five minutes. The way I did this was that I made him change his pattern from running back and forth at the gate by setting him on a new course of running on the back side of the arena and calling him to me rather than trying to walk up to him.
He soon figured out that he needed to make the first connection. Then I caught him up and I went back sitting with him in a chair. He settled and was more focused much more connected. After about ten minutes he calmed down, finished his grain and then we all single filed it back to the barn. Every move Stoli made I responded to in some subtle way and it had a deep affect but maybe someone watching would not have appreciated the little steps of connection that started growing between us today.
Julia commented to me that in her experience most people do not ever realize that their horse is not paying attention to them. I retorted that in fact most people do not pay enough attention to their horse. They chat and talk on their cell phone rather than devote their full attention to their horse in the moment. The lesson for today was that one of the most effective ways to gain trust with a horse is by giving them your full attention. Julia freely admitted that she had been guilty of not paying her horse full attention when she was with him prior to starting learning my Method and would not have known what full attention even looked like if she had not seen it for herself whilst I was working with Stoli.
We plan to sit with Stoli for an hour this evening to keep him company while he is eating his dinner. We will also do more Uberstreichen exercises along with gentle breathing and hanging out and letting the process of time open the door to the magic of developing trust, a bond and respect with him.
We should be happy with whatever shows up on the journey of growing more skills in our connection with horses. The most important point I want to impart is that no matter however it winds up, being with him will not be a disappoint because just being with horses and meeting a new horse gives us a new experience and that is all that we really need, expect or want.
If we ride Stoli we ride him, if we wait we wait and if we connect we connect – the magic is in his hands. Surrendering to the process of developing the bond is the best part of the journey being with horses.
Enjoy your weekend
Carolyn
Related posts:
Dear Carolyn;
Thank you so much for this story today. You really hit home with the cell phone part. Mine has games on it and when I sit with Key I am playing games and not paying attention to her. When she comes to me of course I give her my full attention, but I need to pay more attention to what she is doing in the moment. Your stories and your blog help me so much.
I have to admit I had gotten very impatient with her bucking and kicking that I resorted to another method and have ruined everything I have set out to do with her. What little bond was there is gone for the moment, but I am working very hard to get it back. I have made her very sad and I can see it in her eyes and I don’t know how to make it up to her but somehow I will show her and I will wait and have more patience.
If it weren’t for your method and your blogs, I would have never seen the pain I caused her in her eyes.
She is doing very well on the first UE, but I wish I knew more about the WHRs. I will keep working with the ones I have figured out and hopefully she will come back to me.
May God bless you for all your hard work. Thank you again for your blog. It has truly blessed my life and hopefully will Key Largo’s too.
Carolyn – This is an important lesson and I emailed it to a friend who has two fairly new horses. I have already turned her on to you, sharing your video and Naked Liberty. She loves them both! You are a gift!
I have recently re-discovered your blog and am sorry for not keeping up with it. So much valuable info! I especially love hearing how important it is to be focused on the horse you are working with ~ how can we expect them to pay full attention to us, when we’re not paying full attention to them? I’ve not heard of “Uberstreichen” exercises. Where can I learn about these? Thank you!
Dear Carolyn,
I love this story and have a similar one that I worked on and would love your suggestions. A client called me to evalutate her horse .This gelding named Theodore lives on a small farm with another mare. When the women brings both horses to a show , Theodore is fine while being worked or placed in a stall as long as his owner is around. As soon as she leaves he becomes very anxious , and worked up to the point of almost colicing. His mare freind is who is stabled next to him doesn’t seem to have an effect on him. Any thoughts
Thanks for another beautiful and thoughtful blog. It can be so difficult at times to forget our own agenda and just be in the horses, but the latter is so much more rewarding for both.
I am still waiting for a description (DVD?) of your Überstreichen exercises.
Wow! this really resonates with me and my journey with a race-trained Thoroughbred gelding that has found his way to my place….Thankyou so much Carolyn for sharing your stories with us – it is just invaluable having your insights into the horses world….Can’t wait til your next book is available…and looking forward to updates of Stoli and Julie’s progress.
Hi, interesting hearing about making and watching for connections, I have always wanted to stay over nite with my horse. The last barn would have not understood, but probably this one would. He is in a “in and out” so could set up a cot just outside his stall where he could see me, or in the paddock, would that be dangerous? I board him about 1 hr. away and so only see him few time a week. so try to make the most of it when I’m there. It summer nice and warm, do you have any comments about that ? Would it be bonding? I’ve had him for 4yrs, he’s 7, ex- racer rescue. I’ve started your rituals last spring, lots still to work out. It has turned things around. 4 years ago I knew nothing, its been an interesting journey and one I continuely enjoy. Thanks ever so much, by the way read your book few years ago, loved it. Understood it more when I got your video last winter the visual really helped. Cheers Ro
Such a wonderful post!!
Hi Carolyn,
Like Helene and Anne I would very much appreciate from you a few obvious examples on how to mirror best a horse.
Actually it would be lovely to hear from others like Christian what they actually do. It is a bit hard to imagine as a beginner…what should we do? Stand when he stands or walk by his side when he walks?
Any advice anyone….?
Thank you.
Margueritte
Phew. So many master trainers like to share with us their polished results, so great to hear of the process. Yes, it’s giving full attention without an intense focus. Too much focus is like putting th horse under a hot spotlight. Full attention is staying in touch with every breathing moment without judgement. Fully present. No wonder so many horse stand bolt upright and shout OY! I’m here!
HI Carolyn
You express so exquisitively the subtleties of your method. There seems to be no end to the depth and richness of your method – a journey for life…–“If we ride Stoli we ride him, if we wait we wait and if we connect we connect – the magic is in his hands. Surrendering to the process of developing the bond is the best part of the journey being with horses.”
I will come back to read this beautiful sentence time and time again. It places everything in absolute perspective.
There is a very interesting website on equine breathing. Horses just like humans may chronically over breathe which may result in biochemical imbalances. There is a very simple technique an owner can use with their horses. http://www.equinebreathing.com.
I used to walk racehorses twice daily and I was always present for the horse I was walking but I observed that many stable hands talked smoked laughed and very few were silent being in walk rhythm with their horses.
Carolyn,
I find it very encouraging to read about individual experiences you are so gracious to share with us. Both in the raw real details, the heart felt emotions and the individualized unique creative efforts to find a way to comfort, bond and grow with each of these fortunate horses. It is encouraging and very instructive to see the kinds of efforts used to try and create bonds and pathways of communication that both you and those working with you investigate on a road not even imagined by some. It is very reaffirming to those of us looking for more than just a good ride and I am sure you know how lonely that path can be without support from like minded people. I thank you deeply for being such a beautiful strong but flexible rock for those of us looking for better ways in a large sea of confusion that unfortunatly causes so many horses to be so unjustly misunderstood, their voices having gone unheard. These blogs help anchor as we learn, steady our steps along the path and clairify our vision to create our own trail pursuing even greater gifts than we had even imagined. My horses and I thank you deeply.
Carolyn, thank you, I love this post also. This is one of my favorites ever on your blog.
I also discovered a while ago that mirroring is one of the most powerful things I can do with my mare. And the focus, complete and exclusive, is what I feel is amiss in so many horse/human relations. People go on trails rides with other people and their horses, they all chit-chat, and then are surprised when their horses spook. There are very few people I can ride with for this very reason. They chew my ear off when I am busy with my horse. As soon as I start chatting with a person, my mare’s attention is gone and I can’t ask anything of her.
But it’s the same with other people: I can’t stand it when I feel I don’t have someone’s full focus when I talk with them. Then it’s better to just “share territory” and read a book.
I love this post too, Carolyn & it is so true that giving a horse your full attention is so important for the bond . I have been getting better at this and it makes such a difference !
After all if we were spending time w/ a friend we would want them to give us their attention while we were conversing with them instead of them looking around or chatting w/ others ,
I love the fact that you mention the breathing ..I have breathed w/ and matched my horse’s breath before when he was upset or unsure about something and it had a calming effect on him as my breathing got slower and deeper. Also sometimes when I groom him I’ll breath in when he does and then breath out and soon he will start getting sleepy and very relaxed. Mirroring to me is magical as it is one of the first things a foal learns to do w/ their mother.
I LOVE this post!!! Thank you, and I too would like a further example of mirroring your horses movements?
How does one connect while walking on a lead line when going to a destination of the humans choosing?
Thanks, Anne.
…“If we ride Stoli we ride him, if we wait we wait and if we connect we connect – the magic is in his hands. Surrendering to the process of developing the bond is the best part of the journey being with horses.”… This is a wise comment; the fundamental philosophy that lies behind it is what separates you from so many horse trainers.
Your comment on paying attention is also so true. I walk an old mare that always stays by my side keeping gently her head by my shoulder. Once I walk her while chatting with a friend and I noticed that she seemed agitated and kept pushing me outside the path into the brush – I came to realize that she was trying to push away my friend who was standing at my left!!
…”I kept an intense focus on every move he made and mirrored it in my body language so the horse could read that I was truly connected to everything he did….”
Can you give if you can a few specific examples? I think it could be very helpful.
Best,
Helene