Developing the connection
Apr 30th, 2009 by Carolyn Resnick Method
Hi again. Thank you for all your interest and kind comments about my new Waterhole Rituals Insider Circle Program. I was delighted that it proved so popular with you and in fact it sold out. We therefore decided to run a second class for all those who could not get in and you can sign up for this now at the Coaching page. Both classes will begin towards the end of May.
Right on to today’s post and I’d like to talk about something we will be talking a lot about on the Program and that is developing the connection with your horse.
To keep this magical connection you share with your horse each day and out of respect, you should check in to see if he is still feeling the bond he shares with you. Have you unknowingly violated his trust? Do you need to re-establish the trust before you begin your work? Does he want to join in with the activities you have planned for him? Does he run to meet you at the gate because he is looking forward to your work together? If you can lead him without a halter and he will swish his head in the halter, he is good to go. Whatever he demonstrates, create the direction of your leadership and not your agenda. It is better not to ferret out the resistance in a horse and eradicate the resistance. It is better to develop the ‘yes’ factor by developing the natural willingness in a horse to enjoy team interactions. When picking a method to start a horse pick a method that allows the relationship to grow naturally in a quiet atmosphere when a horse feels safe and secure and ask him to follow your lead in activities that are comfortable to both you and your horses. A formula of horse training is only as good as the relationship that exists between the horse and his handler in the moment. The success of any formula lies in its ability to unfold slowly and naturally to the horse’s point of view. The less skill it takes the better.
These are the rules that can help with your relationship training your horse. Use interactions with your horse that seems natural to him. Only work a horse that is comfortable with the environment and feeling a bond with you in the moment and when the horse is giving you his total consent to follow your lead.
Never enter his space if he is uncomfortable with your presence. In the training process the horse has no fault insurance. In your relationship after training is set, you can then reprimand him when he is out of line because he is aware he has broken your trust and your code of behavior together. If in the middle of his work with you he decides he doesn’t want to be trained, stop your agenda, go back to re-establish your relationship and rebuild his desire to follow your lead. Then continue with his training with something that you know he would learn easily and naturally. Your focus is to get the horse to volunteer his performance. From this companionship connection your leadership is fair, just, and moral and extremely effective. My own golden rule I follow is that if I can create a willing horse in the moment, I will have an opportunity to lead him and that he will follow every single time. Following this rule led me in how to use the rituals a lead horse uses to set a lasting bond with his mares.
My Liberty Training Method is communicating with the heart and bringing forth the willing spirit of the horse so that he dances with me as I fulfill his need for companionship and interaction that nurtures his spirit and well-being. I want the work I bring to the horse to be the highlight of his day and to see me as a valued family member. I want the experience for him to be so good that he would choose my companionship over another horse and bring a passion to his performance that I am hoping to gain.
No related posts.
Carolyn,
I’ve decided to work this program with my 9 year old mare, Dancer, whom I’ve felt has become very disconnected and nervous. We’d recently begun a series of clinics with a wonderful guy, who focuses on softness, willingness, connecting from the inside… But there has been a performance aspect to the clinics which has made me a bit nervous and so of course she as well. Yesterday I took the entire day just to reconnect, visit together, groom, nibble grass, HANG OUT.
What an immediate difference between us. I realized that I needed to make the commitment to do the course and spend time with her building an intimate and clear relationship is exactly what was(is) needed. We are both very excited about doing this work together- at last! THANK YOU!
Hello Carolyn (and everyone):
I have two horses, one which I adopted 3 years ago and the other since last year. They used to be boarding but since last June, they have been home with me. since then, I only halter them when the farrier or vet comes. I believe I do have a great relationship at liberty with both of them. However… I’m still missing something. Corado, my TB which has been with me for 3 years, used to be so unconfident but now… he dominates Magik, my other horse. He has never hurt me but when he doesn’t want me around, he will just leave. So when I’m cleaning his feet, and he decides to leave, I do get frustrated abit. I did read the Waterhole Rituals and what I need is the horse’s complete willingness to do things I ask.
I did write asking how do I start this program. I was advised to buy the book (which I will) but there is so much info. where would I start so that I don’t miss out on anything.
thanks for the advice and my intuition tells me this is exactly what I need.
Jocelyne
Good to know about working with the herd. Working with one horse at a time, in a separate area makes sense. I’ve been spending time with my herd for a long time, moving with them, getting to know how they respond to one another and their environment. I started reading what you had to say about the rituals and it was easy to see how the horses were talking to one another. Having the tools to communicate back, now that’s just magic. Looking forward to working with you and having an even closer relationship with my herd.
Dear Holly,
I think your assesment is very astute. My first concern is that you are putting yourself in a place that is hard to coach you from. I like to see people make a bond with a horse in a seperate space without other horses.
You can make order with the herd but you need more knowledge to do that. I am wanting you to take baby steps so you can get connected with doing nothing and getting lost in sharing space with out the need of having to direct your horses. Recieving fulfilment for being in the moment with or with your horses horses in the same field will increase your knowledge and skill and awarness in a magical way. I would like you to experiace a lack of need.
You might try sitting with all the horses and when Peronte comes up shoo him away before he has a chance to do any shooing himself if the horses leave that is fine do not worry about it.
If they leave you alone after that great, set and become at pease with the way things are. Enjoy that space you have with the horses wheather or not the horses choose to being close to you or not. Feel the conntion no matter where they want to be with out you or with you.
Hope this is of help.
In these moments of the pause you will increase your joy and personal empowerment.
As you become aware without need of agenda your horses will treat you diffrently because you will treat them diffrently and because of a shift that happens for the pause. when you leave the field use the second rituals and say good buy to all of them and take the time it takes that they would let you walk up to them and touch their noses and then leave. At this time you might choose to give a treat to peronte
You will build more and more connection on each visit. When you can read Peronte’s intent when you are sharing space with all the other hroses and you can tell he will not drive them away he can stay. This way you are developing your leadership at the same time Peronte will develop respect.
Enjoy,
Carolyn
Nancy,
Yes, I think from what he has said that there are still places in the second section.
Carolyn,
I’m still getting the out of stock response. Should I contact Mark?
Nancy
I am very pleased with how many new people are coming to my blog and I would like to share with you if you are new to my blog on the format we have been using over the past year. I have enjoyed the classroom approach that it has taken and would like to offer some guidelines going forward to the new people that we have been following all along to keep the same focus unity harmony and decorum.
My blog is a classroom in how to make a heart connection and working bond with horses for all equestrian pursuits. It is not a chat room. The comment section is a way to communicate with me directly and share with others on the topic of my weekly articles or on unrelated subjects that may be concerning you. I want everyone to stay on the subject of his or her direct experience and growth as it relates to their personal experience with their horse. Communications to others on my blog is in the form of support and affirmations, encouragement. I like my students to be able to talk to one another like they have in the past on the topics I write about. Regular visitors to my blog over the past year have been careful not to take on the role of instructor or critic. My blog is an opportunity to learn and to share. My blog is a place to come to develop your own personal growth. I want to help people who look to further their connection and training program.
Hi Carolyn,
I just signed up for the program on the coaching page, no problem. So excited to begin! I do have a quick question. When sharing territory with my horses. It feels like I should do it separately, because my one horse, Peronte, is so dominant over the other. However, this is hard on my timeline. Is there anything I could be doing to share territory all together? I just let the dominant one go after the other, Count, when I was trying the exercise with all of us. Peronte herds the other horse away from me whenever he comes up to me. It has been hard for him to even find out about him because of this situation. I don’t think he’s that shy, just more secure than the other guy and chooses to leave the conflict…… so I think he’s smart!
Anyway, thanks for any tips.
Thanks ~Holly
Hi,
I am happy that i may follow the first round.
The story which Karen wrote i reconice it directly. i am used to this kind of reactions and think “so what? This is my way to work with my pony’s, so what you think is not my problem” and i do what i do.
I sounds hard, and you have to train yourself, not be impressed to what other people say to you. What you have to do with your horses.
I have the same kind of thing. If I walk to my horse with a saddle and he walks away, the first thing i check if he is in pain. Always possible, during play games with my other pony. You never know.
Then i try again, if he said still no, thats fine to me, no ride. I go for a walk and play some games. Most of the time he prefer that. The next day no problem and i can go for a ride if i wanted.
I think it has nothing to do with “be a leader”
i think it has to do with listen to your horse. What he has to say, and why.
Most of the time it has a reason, tho we can not see them directly. Maybe he has some pain in his belly, or a headthake? We can not see that or feel that. He knows that i respect that and i know that by training this way, i have much more and better relationship with my horse than the persons who don’t listen good to their horses. And say he has to do what i am asking for. No matter what.
I can go into the woods for a ride and he won’t never let me down. When he is scared, he warned me, by standing still, a few steps backwards. And then wait for my answer what to do. If i said it is o.k there is nothing. He will go furter. If he still don’t trust it. I step off and go for a good look.
If i do that he follows me most of the time.
We go to the object and take a close look, touch it and he get a reward. Because he is follow me and wanted to take a look. Even it will take more than a few minnits, i don’t care. I take all the time he needed.
i think because i have taken all the time he needed, i can do more then others. he can walk free with me, i don’t need a halter or bridle.
Tho it is now a rough time because he is limmited for food / grass. So his mind is now only by eating grass when he may walk freely with me.
And that is the part were i struggle now.
So i hope Carolyn can help me. And some more other things ofcourse.
I am courious about all the experienses of you. i hope i can learn a new things.
inge
from the Netherlands
Nancy and anyone else,
Mark said he had to control numbers between here and HorseConscious and has now redistributed the inventory. Anyway, there are now some more slots available if you got to the Coaching Page.
Thanks, Carolyn
Hi Carolyn,
I would also love to join the second session, but the “out of stock” message comes up. Your timing is glorious. I just got back from Washington where I met and fell in love with a kiger mustang named Banner. The vet check is tomorrow, and with any luck, he should be joining my crew just about the same time your clinic is beginning. I’m already committed to using the Waterhole Rituals with him anyway, but with your guidance, I’m sure things would sail along more smoothly.
Thanks, Carol
Nancy,
I will check for you.
Hopefully there will be a third session started. I am very excited to be joining in on these discussions. I adopted 2 Mustangs a year ago that had been rescued from a bad situation, have been using the Waterhole Rituals with them and sure could use some guidance with that. Thanks for being here.
Carolyn is the second session sold out also? I tried to sign up .
I was interested in Evergreen’s comment–you wrote “How do you feel on a day when you get up and just don’t feel like going to work? Is your work the best it can be? probably not. ”
I have actually found that even on the days when I don’t want to work, if I sit down and get on with it, weeks later I can’t tell the difference between the work I produced on the ‘bad’ day and the work I produce on an ‘inspired’ day. (I write fiction) Working through the unenjoyable bad days seems to be necessary to keep things rolling in my brain. This morning my mare didn’t want to do arena things, so we went for a walk outside then we did go into the arena and she snorted and puffed and wrung her tail and tossed her head, then she settled and listened and did the best session we’ve had for ages. I don’t mean not to listen to the horse or force them if they are in pain or you don’t have a good connection, but I think sometimes you gotta push a bit through the harder days as well. And obviously, this is a very subjective thing, depending on each horse and situation.
Just a thought, anyway.
This is off today’s subject, but has to do with a previous one, which is a horse spooking to change the subject. I believe I have been facing this situation. My horse was a very laid back guy, and I felt comfortable on him in almost all situations. Then suddenly, after some stable changes, he started to be spooky. I kept thinking it was a pain issue, but now I am suspect as it’s begun to seem more like the evasion. As at first, thinking it was from pain or an emotional discomfort from the move, I did work less on these spooky days. My question now, is how best to handle a horse who has learned spooking is to his benefit? I will admit too that I have now gotten it in my head and am often wondering if it’s coming. As it doesn’t usually happen at something, it’s usually at nothing I can see or sense.
Thanks you. Katrina
Am I still not leader? Depends on what kind of leader you want to be. A dominant leader would not let the horse have any say, and like you said can end up on the ground at the first opportunity.
A leader who the horse chooses (which sounds like what you have) will have more cooperation and success.
If I were in this situation, the question for myself would be, “what am I doing differently on the days he chooses me as his leader as compared to the days when he does not choose me?”
Another way to think about it is if you ask these questions about yourself. How do you feel on a day when you get up and just don’t feel like going to work? Is your work the best it can be? probably not. But on days when you get up with a different attitude, you can accomplish great things at work.
I know it is vogue these days to have to be the horses ‘leader’, but what happens when we hammer at that thought for a while, Does it still hold up?
Karen, I am experiencing the same thing from the other borders at our barn and I agree with how interact with him, as I do the same and both of lives are much better. Carolyn, after reading your book and wacthing you dvd I am ready to proceed with the first ritual, my question is, Instant my Morgan gelding will display a lot of antics at time, should I ingnore him for the hour that I spend with him? Do I wait for him to come over only once during a session. Your blog is my life line, thank you so much for your sharing with us.
In other words, am I still not leader? Should he let me do whatever I want every single time? Or is this ok?(what we are doing).
Sorry, I do seem to only worry about semantics here, but I do agree with what you just said. The inner message is way more important than how you phrase it
I have a pony who has a huge personality and communicates everything to me. People standing around are amazed when, if he walks away from his saddle a few times, (I tack him up loose), or wont put his bit in (he takes it himself), then after a few tries, I walk away and leave him with a comment such as ‘dont you want to go for a walk today, OK, lets just sit, we can try again tomorrow’.
Bystanders are horrified and more than once I have been told ‘ it is not up to him, you are too soft, tie him up then put his tack on’.
Well if I had to force him, which I have done in the past, you will be on the ground every 30 seconds, 10 times in a row till you give up. You wont even be able to get your stirrups or walk more than 50 feet.
But next day, if he says ‘ OK, mum, lets go for a ride today’, then you can be sure to stay on for hours.
People think I am nuts letting the pony decide. Do you think I am being too soft, or listening properly to him, as I should. He lets me ride him 8 out of 10 times, I assume he has sore feet (previous founder) if he says no.
Mary, that’s a good site, that uses very different language to accomplish the same thing. As a former psychology student I would like to comment on that. They use the language an probably the philosophy of behaviourism (Skinner, Watson, Pavlov etc.). This has been a valuable model in the past, and it still works to a certain extend, but what they do is they reduce the animal and human to a series of response. They see the inner world as a ‘black box’. We all know there’s more to us (and our horses) than that.
).
BTW, that picture of the horse running away in the paddock is all too familiar to me. My goal for this summer is to have my lovely mare not to run away from me, but to come to me and say hello (without me pushing her
“Does he want to join in with the activities you have planned for him? Does he run to meet you at the gate because he is looking forward to your work together?”
So true.
I see so many people who have trouble catching their horses. There is no relationship, no trust. The horse just goes along because he feels he has to.
I have 4 questions I ask whenever I work with a horse (or any animal):
1. What is motivating the animal to respond?
2. Am I setting the animal up for success?
3. Am I creating an environment where the animal actively wants to participate and learn?
4. If I gave the animal a choice, would he stay and participate, or would he leave?
These questions help me assess what is motivating the animal and what is reinforcing the animal (http://bit.ly/ibJmT)
cheers,
Mary H.