Don’t Throw Stones Throw a Party!
Apr 13th, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
I see us as herd members wanting to achieve a better way to be with horses. There is a saying “People who live in glass houses, should not throw stones,” but I feel it would be better to say, “ do not throw stones.”
There is a pathway to transform & evolve the humane treatment of animals and others. It is a path that does not need to use hurtful finger pointing at individuals that are being abusive to horses from our personal perspective. Personal perspective is always changing. People are really doing the best they can in the situation they are in, even when it looks to us like it could be done better. The way to help them is to build community with them like we are doing with our horses.
There is a way to create empathy in others. All we need to do is become the change we want to see and it really is enough. I believe it is the most inviting way to evolve the communities we live in. We could start by using flexible rules to follow for our own behavior and standards to protect others from our abuse of righteous acts and to bring alignment for the greater good. Rather than focusing on the problem, we could place our attention on resolution and solution.
If we are going to look outside ourselves for ways of change it is best not to look for what is wrong, if we look at what is wrong in others we are most likely going to entertain disappointment. What we have control over is our inner response to the world outside. Instead of looking at what is wrong with people we could look for and study cultures that are working in harmony around the world and then inspire ourselves to be like them and practice these ways of being, like the cultures of horses that I have witnessed living in harmony with one another. It is beneficial to have more love and understanding for everything around us.
From this point of view when we serve others, we serve in a way that brings life enrichment and brings well being to ourselves, them and the broader community.
From this way of being, we can have what we want without having to force or focus on what is missing or what is sad. I suggest that if we follow our instincts and listen to our own personal conscience we will enjoy being alive and evolve humanity at the same time. I suggest that we can stop abuse by inspiring others to try a different approach in a loving way when they are ready.
Carolyn
No related posts.
Carolyn, thank you for your wise words, and thanks to everyone who has contributed. The consciousness shift is growing stronger by the day, happy to be a part of it!!
Ang.
One thing i want to add Carolyn tot your beautiful and wise story. The nature of thought is to search for problems, search for things to improve. That is built-in for our own safty and wellbeing. With this nature of mind we can help other also. Like most tools it can been misused, with criticism and judgments with no concrete help, with no connection with care.
Dear Carolyn, The better I know you, the more I love you. You have the same effect on Me as you do the horses. Thank you so much for throwing this party–it is a blast!
Love,
Connie
for Susan #42 and Connie #43. Never doubt the power of a kind and compassionate heart. Every small act given freely, with love, and without judgement, as Carolyn says makes a difference. when you can’t do anything to help the animal physically, sending love, healing energy and prayer can make a difference and sometimes manifest a positive change. I can’t get Carolyn’s words out of my head…’become the change you wish to see’. I will try.
in peace,
laurinda
I can relate to you very much, Connie. Just imagening that horse desperately wanting attention and you not able to give it enough is heartbraking.
Most of the time I just have to close myself off from what I see, and walk away. Because it is not in my power to change things, and because it will destroy me to get emotionally involved with every unhappy horse (and boy, a lot are unhappy, and nobody notices!).
We do all have to walk our own path but the human doesn’t depend on the horse for it’s life, and the horse does depend on it’s human (or other humans), that’s the trouble and the unfairness.
I do what you do too Connie, when the owner of the most heartbraking horses are not around, I just stand by him/her for a while and tell him/her that I understand and am sorry it’s not in my power to change it’s life. I’m not an animal communicator at all, but I try to tune in to the energy of the horse and share it. I can sense they appreciate just having the company for a while of someone who doesn’t want or expects anything from them, only to share some time and space for a while.
I wrote in my post here earlier that I keep quiet to the owners, and almost always I do.
But sometimes I feel so strongly that something can’t go on, I just can not keep silent. For instance I have spoken out to the owners of my boarding stable when some ponies of a boarding client where not properly looked after, and had to stand and lay down in their own muck. It changed for the better, thankfully, and they even appreciated me for speaking out (which surprised me).
St. Francesses “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” is so wise but often so difficult…
Thank you for asking your question, Susan, 38, and for your wonderful answer, Carolyn. I am going to add that to my journal.
I was wondering the same. I ‘feel’ deeply for the animals around me and this is something I have also struggled with, and there hasn’t been abuse in the way you are speaking of. It is more that I sense the animal needing and hurting invisibly to others, that one in particular feels like he has lost his job and doesn’t understand why he is being passed over for all of the fun activities that he wishes to join in. It is hard for me to not feel his sadness.
I always spend extra time with him, letting him know he is loved, and he will companion walk with me along the fence, forwards and backwards, while I am outside with Yowahtee. Yesterday, he had his hoof on the gate, begging me to bring him along. But he isn’t my horse and I can’t take that liberty. He always keeps both eyes on me when I am at the barn. I will often look up to see him looking at me and it always goes straight to my heart. I feel like giving him some time and letting him know he matters is a little thing I can do when I am there on my own.
I have done the same for a cat that was being pushed out by the other cats, and has had some other trauma in her life. She is usually not there when I arrive, but comes and finds me once I am there. I have set up a special feeding area that the other cats don’t bother her at and she is happy to be able to also have some cat food without being on constant alert. I can tell she is so much happier now.
Your words Carolyn on this issue are very wise. I will find them useful in many places in my life. I agree with Susan that the ‘keep on doing what you can and know that is all you can do’ is comforting.
Connie
Dear Carolyn, 41
That makes it a little easier! thanks, best, susan
Dear Susan, 40
One more thing it does not mean that there is no fault but that you choose not to judge it.
Thank you Carolyn, yes it is of help indeed, and very supportive. I probably won’t report the abuse because here in Italy it has no effect for various reasons, and the only result would be that I would get thrown out of the facility and I don’t want that, I have other work to do there with other (abandoned and semi-abandoned) horses!
I will as you say do my utmost not to see fault, that is a very sticky one for me in this kind of situation so lots of work and growing for me to do there!
“Keep on doing what you can and know that is all you can do.” that is very comforting.
Thanks again,
susan
Dear Suan, 38
See no fault and do what you can when you can for the situation. Report abuse. Taking action from this point of view of seeing no fault, it helps others to support you. The action you take will be very effective from this advantage point and not drain.
Keep on doing what you can and know that is all you can do.
Learn skills in how to create peace with in you when you become troubled.
Be comfortable you are not perpetuating abuse by staying in connection with your own well being and feeling joyful. Your own well being bring more healing to the planet. Meditate. Support others when it lifts you up and follow your heart.
And lastly remember to DANCE.
HOpe this is of help,
Carolyn
Thanks to Carolyn for this timely reminder, and for the many helpful posts. One question, how does one cope with the true cases of abuse, the overt suffering of horses (or indeed people)? I have to board my horse at a barn, and I can just about ‘follow the guidelines’ Carolyn set out re others’ ways of keeping relating to and riding their horses. But there are one or two outright cases of cruelty – for example a pony with advanced laminitis in all four feet who is being made worse by those who ‘manage’ her. I will spare the details also because they are not appropriate here. It is not so much what to do about them, the answer in my case is, nothing possible to do. What I am asking is how do I cope with it? What are the options for peoplen like me on the sidelines in such cases? I am truly lost on this one and asking for any guidance or suggestions within the framework of what Carolyn wrote.
thanks
susan
.
Thank you,
Since my accident a couple of weeks ago, it’s exactly what you are writing here where my thoughts are circling around – so happy to live!
Love Andrea
such thoughtful posts from everyone. I take hope in the words and thoughts expressed by Carolyn and ‘the herd’. that in trying to learn, grow and change myself that the resulting postive effects in my own little world is indeed enough. Sometimes it is all so overwhelming! Thanks.
Well said, and easy to adopt in all situations! Thanks again Carolyn
I meant to say Bonnie not Connie. Please excuse me for that.
Dear Connie, 29
Your words are like music to my hears.
Thank you
Very well said Carolyn.
Thank you Carolyn,
very well said! There is not much else to be said and I can’t wait to see where this journey is going to take us.
Carolyn:
Your first sentence is the key — “I see us as herd members wanting to achieve a better way…” . The methods you are teaching me to find a better way with my horses work well with people too, and I am a herd member of humanity. There is “me”, and there is, always, the “Other”.
You have said that a leader is someone who makes a request. And you have said that if you get a “No” in response, look for something that will get you to “Yes”. This is done with love and compassion for where the Other is now.
The horse is always in the moment. To get the change we want, we too must focus on the now and on where we want to go, not dwell on the ego-breaking failures of the past.
St. Francis, the patron saint of animals, is credited with the prayer “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Peace to all.
Bonnie
I just saw Cavalia in Miami…i must say i was more impressed with the tapestries!!! they art work was outstanding – the set up was breathtaking…the riding and horse work was well…circus like….i am more impressed with Carolyn and her students. but just my opinion.
I love the verse from Galations 6:9 “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” The key word being IF.
You may reap the benefits if you stay the course. keep on keeping on!! God has given us wonderful examples of life lessons through nature and his glorious creations. Be an open page and open heart so he can speak to us through his creations if he chooses and so He can mold and shape you into the person you are to be.
I give God the glory in everything, even in what I accomplish with my horse b/c what I am truly accomplishing is shedding the ugliness from my outshell, things like poor self control, selfishness, dishonesty, impatience. What I am doing is allowing myself to be shaped and the horse tests and then if I pass the test, the horse benefits as well as I and then harmony follows. But the most important thing is, I have been open for change and then the change becomes evident in my entire life and then I am able to bless others.
Thank you Carolyn for allowing God to use you as a vessel for blessing others and showing them how to hear the horse and change themselves, God’s worthy and beautiful animal.
Thanks Carolyn, I am grateful for those words of wisdom, the teacher will always appear just when you need them if you remain open and ask, and you are a great teacher. Namaste Sherry
There’s great wisdom in your post Carolyn, thank you.
There still is so much we have to learn about ourselves. I think that if I judge others, it’s always just mirroring what I judge in myself.
There was a time when I was always looking for discussions, and enjoying giving ‘good’ arguments, so that others ‘had to’ see what was true and what wasn’t. But over the years I’ve come to realise that there is no such thing as THE TRUTH. Everyone has his own truth, seen from their eyes, felt from their hearts, at that particular moment, in that particular situation.
Over the years I’ve lost my need for discussion and now even catch myself more and more often in avoiding it when I can.
It has become clear to me that every living being has their own path to walk, humans as well as animals. This thought makes it a (tiny) bit less difficult for me to accept that some people and animals are in abusive situations I can’t solve for them. It’s the path they are going and eventually, one day, they too will see some light in their darkness when they are ready.
Pat Lawrie (# 18), I agree with you in “They don’t know what they don’t know” and would like to mirror that to myself as well: “I don’t know what I don’t know”. The only thing I know is that I seem to know less and less, the older I get. The usual ‘knowing’ of all kinds of details, seems to get replaced by a deeper knowing within me, that everything is in balance and right, just the way it is.
Thanks for sharing this and reminding us all.
Wonderful post. When I began learning about natural horsemanship and wanting to obtain harmony in the relationship with my horse, I discovered there were two camps. The one camp, relying on dominant force to get the horse to perform, and the other camp strives for partnership between the human and equine. It is difficult not to get angry, or upset when I see abusive force being displayed. And it is hard not to finger point when I see pain afflicted upon horses.
Thank you Carolyn for your words of wisdom. Focuing on the positive and the result rather then what is perceived as wrong is truly more satisfying and happier for me. People are naturally attracted to happier human beings, and having a positive attitude is the best way to evolve harmonious change within the horse industry. Partnership and deep connection with your horse brings about a happiness that all equestrians should strive for in their lives.
Barbara and Monie
Hi, Carolyn
A very thought provoking post. I like the part where you say that people are doing the best they can from where they are. And it seems like others also stumble across important information that can be useful, just like we do. It seems that no one has a “final” answer and that we are all groping to learn more and better ways of doing things. And certain aspects of various approaches may work better with one type of horse than another. Your post was a nice reminder to stay open to learning wherever we come across it. I also think that humility is a very important aspect of learning because it reminds us that we do not have all the answers and that there is always more we can be learning–the kind of openness that you imply.
Hi Carolyn,
Starting my journey with horses later in life has been a blessing. I got my first horse just as natural horsemanship was really starting to take off. As I learned, I watched people who grew up with horses struggle with the natural approach, having only known the more brutal old-school way of handling them. A woman in my neighborhood who recently brought home a draft gelding is one of those old-school handlers. When she was buying all the equipment she thought she’d need to train her new horse, she acquired a lunge line and a whip. When I casually suggested to her that working with a horse at liberty is a great way to build a relationship, she flippantly replied that she wasn’t interested and that she wanted to “do it right.” Ouch!!!
Over the course of a couple of weeks, she watched me work with my horses. One day, she approached me and asked if maybe I could show her how I got my horses to act so well off of a lunge line. It was a beautiful moment! I had been wanting to share that with her, but she wasn’t ready to hear it yet. When she was, her interest was genuine. Living by example is certainly the best way to make a point, isn’t it?
Thanks for everything, Carolyn. Love, Carol
Thankyou Carolyn for articulating so beautifully the creed I endeavour to keep in my heart – sometimes with more success than others. I find it’s easiest to BE the change with the beings that are least close to me emotionally – the kids I work with in my classes, my workmates, other peoples horses… And the most challenging are the ones closest to me – my own children, my husband, my own herd. Through my practice of BEING the change with my horses though, I find myself improving my ability to keep my thoughts and words and actions towards my family congruent with this ethic.
This is a lovely reminder.
Wise words and a great reminder Carolyn. Everyone does have their own stories and perspectives. Each person has different beliefs which are based on their life experiences.
Over the past several years, I have been striving to find my true essence. Somehow it got buried along the way as I tried to do what was ‘right’ for everyone in my life. An issue came up in my life that caused me to question everything, and to realize how differently we each can see the same event. The soul searching led me to realize all the baggage I was carrying and the blocks I had put in place to protect myself. Gradually, I worked through layers, and I am continuing.
One significant thing I learned was that in learning to love and accept myself for exactly who I am, in finding my center and zest, the comparing and judgement naturally disappeared.
When I judge others, I am in some way also judging myself. To truly learn to love myself, meant striving to live in the moment exactly as I am, and following my heart and intuition, living in ways to add to the positive, while being willing to try on new thoughts or ideas and learn from that around me.
Now, this isn’t easy, but the more I strive for it, the more uncomfortable I find myself when ‘stone throwing’ discussions arise around me.
There are many paths to get to the same good, and we all learn in our own time and way.
What I am finding is that living authentically becomes magnetic in itself and others are drawn to its mystery.
Thank you for your beautiful thoughts!
Hi Carolyn,
Your words ring so true to me. All’s I WANT to do is become the change I want to see and it shall be enough. I keep telling myself, “they don’t know what they don’t know” if that makes any sense. I will stay on my own path no matter what anyone else says or thinks.
Pat
Great post. This is my biggest spiritual dilemma–to not get completely overwhelmed by what I perceive as abuse of animals and how to be proactive
rather than full of judgment and anger. I look forward to reading everyone’s comments and am grateful for the community here and in my area.
Carolyn
I do not know when Cavalia will be in California. I am in Florida and they have been here in Tampa and I was lucky enough that one of my sisters brought me to the show.
She is afraid of horses but thought I would enjoy it. Life is good.
I really loved the Cossack performance (where they stand on the horses as they gallop around) but my real favorite was the wild west trick riding.
I completely agree. It’s so easy to get judgmental of others in all of life, not just with horses. Sometimes when people have different ideas and views on life, we seem to think they are “wrong” and we are “right”. We don’t have to let them change us…we must hold to the truth and to what we feel is right. That being said, I think there is so much to learn from other people, not just in horses but in all things. Sometimes people say things or know things that you would have never thought of and instead of judging them or putting them down, you can think about what they are saying or doing and see what you can learn from it. Wisdom is learning from other people, because one who thinks he knows everything there is to know is missing out on a whole lot of beautiful learning experiences.
Stuart
Thanks for the grounding Carolyn. I rewrote some of your words in my journal so that I may reflect on them from time to time. Maybe when I am sharing territory with my horses.:-)
I believe all of us that admire your methods do want to become the change we see.
Personally I am evolving each day and I love this journey that I am on. It is people like you who inspire me to keep pursuing my dreams.
Yes, good post,
realizing that change starts with yourself is also very liberating!
INFINITE LOVE AND GRATITUDE to you, Carolyn, thank you again, for a wonderful and timely reminder in this very trying time!
we just can’t know the karma that is playing out everywhere, between all beings. It is so difficult for sensitive beings (Us animal lovers!!!) to experience dis-harmony, pain, suffering. our hearts break , again and again, and the despair becomes overwhelming sometmes!
I found a great relief from this overwhelm-ment last week in offering the infinitely compassionate response of “Infinite Love and Gratitude” to all, all beings including myself, all situations, for the highest good of all, our very molecules can then become “Infinite Love and Gratitude”!! I can get out of my own (ego) way, my own habituated and unconscious responses to life, and mind my own business!! my own business to notice the “conditioned helplessness, conditioned reflexes” my own business to notice my energy in THIS moment, offering Infinite Love and Gratitude to self, to all life, to Divine. Then just watch the Rainbows appear! I want to be a Rainbow.
springtime blessings and rainbows to all!
Carolyn
This is really sound advice. We can only change ourselves and try to learn to be more highly evolved and compassionate beings. I was in need of this reminder.
Sally
Carolyn, This post could not have come at a more opportune time. I was just immersed in my own little “stone-throwing-party”. Not about horses or training methods but just people in general. I just hate them sometimes. Really. I wish I didn’t but oftentimes I just do. You are right of course but I find it hard to be that change I wish to see. It’s no wonder I am so drawn to ponies in general and one little black pony in particular. I am just like her!
Hi Carolyn,
I agree with every single little word !
best wishes!
That is a wonderful post! Thank you Carolyn.
Máire
I couldn’t agree more. The door to change opens only on the inside. And tact with our fellow human travelers requires just as much thought and consideration as with our animal friends. I strive to be respectful that each of us are on our own soul’s growth trajectory and evolution.
Beth and Cookie,
in Virginia
Very good blog again. I must admit I can’t help myself judging others from time to time, mostly because I feel so sorry for their horses. At my boarding stable I see a lot I would not like to see. But I always keep in mind what I once read in a Mark Rashid’s book: you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. So, although it is hard sometimes, I keep quiet and what I try to do is ‘ live by example’, and sometimes just ask a question which I hope will make someone reflect; plant a seed for change. Not being pushy with your ideas works, people get curious about you being different and don’t feel threatend by it. It’s a slow proces, though.
Also I keep in mind how I have done horses wrong in the past, unknowingly (nothing dramatic, thankfully). And I’ve changed and learned too and have a long way to go yet.
best wishes!
Dear Carolyn
I very much enjoyed your post. It contained much wisdom.
Thanks for this post because I often find people on certain paths to become quite self righteous and judgemental about others Journeys. I often point out that we are all on our own journey and we are where we are at that moment. It is my practice to meet people where they are and see what they are ready to learn. I have learned to allow my students to shape my teaching. It becomes co-creative then.
Dear Stephanie,
Yes. I am in love with them, horses and huamans and their perfromances and have to date seen 5 performance and I want to see many more times than that. I have noted everthing you mentioned. Are they comeing here again? I saw them several years ago.
Carolyn
You are quite the philosopher. I notice that the older I get the less judgemental of others I have become, and I find it sad when others feel the need to make fun of someone or thing because it is not what the person percieves to be ‘correct’.
I frequent a horse bulletin board where people constantly make fun of other breeds of horses, training methods, etc.
I was waiting for today’s post because I wanted to tell you if you haven’t already been, when Cavalia comes to your area, you should really go. It is quite a spectacle of man (and woman) and the horse! the horses appear to be trained in a caring, compassionate manner, I think you would enjoy it. the troupe is about 12 or 16 stallions and the rest geldings and to see them performing at liberty is quite amazing. Even watching the horses interact with each other while waiting for the horse who is in the spot light to finish his performance. there is one act which is a young woman with 8 Arabians at liberty, she has 4 of them circling her one small circle and the other 4 circling in a large circle.
anyway, thanks for today’s post !!!