Using Our Natural Instincts to Communicate
Mar 2nd, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
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You do need to have a natural ability to communicate with animals but I believe that people who are drawn to my Method have this ability somewhere in them. If you have a desire to connect and especially if you are good with dogs and children or feel you would be.
This reminds me of a story. A man came to my ranch and wanted me to teach him how to read a horse. I told him that he already knew how. I felt that this was the case because of how he was with his dogs during his visit. He rescued greyhounds, which he had brought with him and I had observed that they were well behaved and loved. He knew them as well as I knew my horses. He was their caretaking pack leader.
He told me that he could not read horses from what he had experienced with them. I believe this problem occured because he approached them differently than he did his dogs. With the dogs he wanted to give them a good life and maybe with the horses he expected the bond to be the same as he had with his dogs. He did not realize that he needed to start at the beginning in the same way he did with his dogs.
I think his problem with horses was that he had an agenda and it got in the way of his natural ability to allow the relationship to grow naturally. We got into a lively discussion. I told him that if he could not read a horse it was because he did not care enough. If he had rescued his horses, it would have helped him to allow the natural process of connection to evolve.
I believe that caring enough is all that is necessary. I do not know if this was right or not, but it was the stand I took in relating to him. We went around and around on the subject, and he paused for a moment and then said to me “You know, that horse you have been working with wants a carrot, and wants you to get back to the training, and hopes we are finished with our talk”.
He went on to say that he now understood that he could indeed read what a horse was thinking and admitted that he would not have said that before our talk. But he understood that I was right. Sometimes any little discussion will lead to a closer connection, as it did with us that day. We were in the moment and wanting to connect and we did. It is not always easy but so rewarding and the bond will deepen because it is the nature of nature to bring unity and harmony to partnerships.
You can be strong with a horse and the horse will forgive you easily, and you will not hurt the bond if the horse has free choice to accept or reject your behavior and leadership. This is a good lesson your horse can teach you.
The horse that is free to express himself can let you know if you are too strong or too boring. Or leading when you should be following or following when you should be leading. Intention and freedom and learning what to do at a certain time leads to a bond. This is the answer to working with horses. From trial and error in freedom, the bond is usually the outcome. Then, you will learn better when to lead, when to listen, when to pause and when to follow.
Be strong and be gentle and you will grow in your horsemanship skills, when freedom of choice is the condition a horse faces in his relationship with you.
In the beginning of the Waterhole Rituals, the rules are that if the horse leaves you, you must go in the opposite direction. You can ask your horse to leave your area any time you choose even if the horse doesn’t want to leave. You may indeed hurt his feelings to do so but it will in fact serve to deepen the bond. This is natural to horses.
I hope this is of help for people who need to be stronger, softer or more creative in their choices.
Carolyn
P.S. Thank you so much for all your replies to my email about ‘being my voice’, it was very heart-warming and gratifying to see all the responses. I have therefore decided that I will indeed use one or two people to be my voice and Mark will be writing to you with some instructions for your ‘audition’. I look forward to listening to them!
No related posts.
vorrei partecipare al blog e commentare gli articoli ma non conosco l’inglese….potete aiutarmi inqualche modo?
grazie
“You can be strong with a horse and the horse will forgive you easily, and you will not hurt the bond if the horse has free choice to accept or reject your behavior and leadership. This is a good lesson your horse can teach you.”
“Intention and freedom and learning what to do at a certain time leads to a bond….you will learn better when to lead, when to listen, when to pause and when to follow.”
And, I might add, the learning never stops.
I spend a lot of time just hanging out with Cookie. When I first got Cookie, I made mistakes in managing her in some ways. In the beginning, I’d hand walk Cookie to a tree down the lane a ways, and gently insist she stand with me by that tree for up to 30 mins. I’d pet her and talk to her and in “my way” love her, while insisting she do as I insisted. Stand quietly with me by that tree. I thought we were bonding.
I soon quit this behavior. Something I couldn’t put my finger on, couldn’t put into words, just didn’t ~feel~ right.
I once read that “there are no mistakes, only lessons” – I like this forgiving and forward thinking quote.
There came a time when the demands of my work schedule was such that I’d arrive at the stable about an hour before the sun set. An hour of daylight in the summer just wasn’t enough time to hang out with my girl, so that first evening, I kept her with me, she grazing while I chatted with a fellow boarder as they schooled in the lighted ring.
Time came for me to turn Cookie back out and it was quite dark, and the herd had long disappeared up over the hill for the back part of the field – not a horse in sight. I thought nothing of it UNTIL I slipped the halter off releasing Cookie. She took off, hollering for her buddies, her head high and swinging, looking and hollering. I could ~feel~ her distress.
I’ve only shared the following with a trusted few for fear of being considered a bit off my rocker, but since that day I witnessed Cookie’s distress, if it is dark and there are no other horses within easy sight, I take the time to escort Cookie up over the hill to within easy sight of the herd before I release her. This seems to comfort her, and it definitely comforts me to know she’s not frightened to be alone.
Subsequent to this practice, on a couple of occasions and when in liberty, Cookie has run TO me for reassurance when in a situation frightens or confuses her. And one time last summer, Cookie was blowing alert, snorting and stiff legged spooky at a displaced tractor tire and chunks of asphalt that smelled strongly (the farm was reconditioning their driveways and parking spaces), and Cookie looked right at me for how to “react or respond – flee or investigate” this strange and scary unknown stuff. I left her line loose, allowing her to move as she felt the need to, and simply turned myself sideways to those things exciting Cookie to show they were of no concern to me; at which Cookie lowered her head to approach the stuff, and after sniffing it, relaxed and walked over to me as if to say “yep, no big deal.”
Dear Carol,
I will be going to return to freedom to work with Martin a person that has come to work with me form Colombia for the next 3 months and I will be passing by your place at lease twice a month. This means that I migh be able to see you in my travels. So you can have some more lessons in you are still intrested.
Dear Emily,
Please continue, I am sure everyone will enjoy our experiances with your horse. I no I will.
I am a little later than usual in checking in and after reading everyone else’s responses all I can say is “ditto”. This winter has been amazing for me, a very steep learning curve and thoroughly enjoyable other than the snow and cold:) Spring is almost here and I am able to spend more time with my horses and our bonds are growing stronger daily…..thank you Carolyn:)
Hi Carolyn!
I just finished reading your book “Naked Liberty” that I started earlier today. (It is now 5 am–oops!) I wanted to thank you for writing such an enjoyable, entertaining, and thoroughly educational book! At the very end (pre-epilogue) where you describe your ride on Moonlight I was so overcome with emotion that I started crying.
Through your book I discovered that much of what I have been doing instinctively with horses has been in harmony with your methods. Some of my favorite memories are of “playing” with my horse at liberty–including playing tag* and lots of walking with him following me around and over obstacles.
*tag with my horse involved me chasing him away with body language and running and then inviting him up to me (tail flagged, neck arched, nostrils blowing, Mr. Prancin’ Handsome!) and then turning around and having him chase me until he “caught me” with a nose bump to the shoulder. Rinse and repeat.
I had to cut myself off here because I realized I can talk horses for hours even just to myself in a blog comment!
Thanks again for the great book, it has definitely earned a place on the Keeper shelf!
Hi Carolyn,
I can tell you for absolute fact that alternating between being gentle and strong is a very effective way to build a relationship with a horse. The trick is knowing when to be strong, and when to back off. The ability to instantly decide how to proceed can take awhile to learn, but I just wanted to share that when done properly, the results are astounding. In the past couple of years I’ve been using your Method with my horse Doolie, the changes in both of us are staggering. While Doolie will never be an outgoing, friendly sort of horse, we are great friends now that we’ve taken the time to really learn one another and I couldn’t be more pleased with the results. I’m tickled pink when I think back to how frustrated I used to be, and see where we’ve ended up. I just couldn’t be happier. Thank you! –Carol
RE: post #24
Carolyn, thank you, thank you, thank you, this has clarified a lot in my mind.
I really like this work at liberty — it really fosters a two-way conversation. My horse is becoming more and more enamored of me!
Dianne
Checking in,
“You can be strong with a horse and the horse will forgive you easily, and you will not hurt the bond if the horse has free choice to accept or reject your behavior and leadership. This is a good lesson your horse can teach you.”
Yes Yes Yes, cannot agree more. I have been too strong and too soft and too of anyinbetween and we did not hurt the bond. My horses can walk away from me, and sometimes they did and yes that was a good lesson.
Stina in St. Vincent
What a wonderfully simple but illustrative story, Carolyn!!! Very empowering….
Oh my Carolyn (and all of the rest of you)…I am on a steep learning curve! This afternoon I had three horse assisted sessions. I went to get my “standby” therapy horse, Sampson, from his big pasture and he walked away from me – which he NEVER does. I spun on my heel and walked away from him (for the first time ever) and of course he stopped to see why I left. He stood there watching and when I turned to approach him again he stood still and waited for me to understand. When I got him out of the pasture I saw he was injured, he had a swollen back leg from the hock down and he was trying to tell me he wasn’t fit for a ride! He got a standing wrap and still came to help with two of my sessions but I “heard” him and we are really talking! I used my new horse, Zen, for my last session and he was great but still needs more of your wonderful “horse play” Carolyn. We shall continue to learn. I’m enjoying this forum so much!
Hi Carolyn,
I am struck by the profoundity of these words and by their truthful simplicity.
“It is the nature of nature to bring unity and harmony to partnerships.”
“Intention and freedom and learning what to do at a certain time leads to a bond. This is the answer to working with horses. From trial and error in freedom, the bond is usually the outcome. Then, you will learn better when to lead, when to listen, when to pause and when to follow.”
They are words to remember in times of difficulty and disconnection.
Thank you.
Jan
Hi, Carorlyn,
What a nice post. And I have really liked all the reader’s responses. After my session with Robin Gates, I have really realized that I did not clearly pick up on listening to my horse’s body language. She made me see that when I walked with Frank how he would subtly move me in a direction he wanted to go, or nudge me with his muzzle in a disrespectful, testing way. It has made me much clearer that I need to be very aware of our interactions when I am with Snowy so that I do not give him mixed messages, and I need to respond to his testing in a firm but relaxed way. Slowing time down and being in my body has helped. But Snowy lets me know that he is not terribly pleased sometimes that I am asserting leadership now subtly, yet he also seems more interested in me and more affectionate, too. It does seem like deepening the bond has lead to some more testing, dominance and respect issues, and since he is a spirited and very smart Arabian, I need to watch both his and my body language carefully. We are still in Bonding, Saying Hello, Eye Contact, and Sharing the Territory, but I can see now how complex all those interactions can be, especially with a horse that has some baggage from some past negative experiences. I learn so much from every post and reader’s reactions.
Dear Nancy,
Thank you for your letter.
Dear Karin, 23
Yes, this is it. This is a example of all forms of communication being used through the heart though the body through the mind and through the dance and through the spirit and intent.
This is what I call a true working bond. The practise of the rituals will cause the working bond to become more and more natural and dependable.
Dear Dianne, 20,
In answer to your question when you walk off at the time your horse walks away from you wait till the horse is not responding to you in any way you then can begin your approach your horse once again. It would be a good idea to change the subject to someting the horse would resonate to rather than creating the behavior in your horse to again choose to walk away from you. If you can see a direct way to enteract with out following this rule that would bring more benifit to you then go for it just remember not to entrap or persue your horse unless you follow up with leading form behind ritual.
On the subject of persuing your horse if your horse is just not going to listen and you feel he needs to be put into line after follow the ablove rule you could follow him around and let it lead to takeing leadership using the Waterhole Ritual Leading form Behind.
The Art of leading of from behind you need to only ask the horse to move forward when he has stopped walking and once the horse is walking you go back to following him.
The way a horse may choose to respond is to running off. When this happens you just keep walking slowly after him untill he will let you join him and then you can repeat the process.
But Leading from behind in general should not be used until you have gained a connection through the first two rituals that same day. Hope this is of help. Please respond.
Dear Carolyn,
I absolutely love one of the points you made about taking turns, sometimes leading, sometimes following. Last Summer, Roscoe introduced me to that concept. Last Summer I didn’t even know that horses exchange roles in the herd with respect to leading/initiating and following. And I certainly didn’t know that the very same thing can and should take place between a horse and its human, and that this strengthens the bond.
The event occurred as I was returning Roscoe to his pasture and herd buddies. On previous occasions, I had asked him to accompany me to a stream on the far side of his 20-acre pasture (at liberty). Sometimes he would accompany me. He didn’t always though, preferring instead to remain with his friends. I tried to ask him when I thought he was thirsty. I should also add that I never saw any of the horses go to the stream alone. Anyway, on this particular day, we entered his pasture, but I didn’t ask him to go to the stream. Instead I walked toward the herd. But Roscoe did not follow. I turned to look at him and called him. He just turned his head in the direction of the stream. At that point I wondered whether he was telling me something. Then he turned and proceeded to walk towards the stream. As he was walking, he turned his head to look at me. I felt he was wanting me to follow him. So I did.
Since last Summer, Roscoe’s speaks to me more frequently, and my listening skills have greatly improved as a result of your wisdom, Carolyn.
Wonderful post!
Karin
This is my first response, I hope it is okay…I have been reading Naked Liberty and I am enjoying it very much. This post by Carolyn really put into words the way I have been interacting with my horses for the past 3 years. I was so tired of all of the various training methods in which I felt I was trespassing against my horses. My youngest horse, that I got a couple years ago has been given a choice from the start. I haven’t started any of the water hole rituals yet, as I want to read everything through first but I do want to say that I am so glad to have found others who feel as I do and are on the same journey.
Thanks for sharing through your blog Carolyn and others too.
Kindest Regards
Carrie
Nancy, love your ‘HOOF’ (Horses Open our Feelings) – very nice:)
“In the beginning of the Waterhole Rituals, the rules are that if the horse leaves you, you must go in the opposite direction. You can ask your horse to leave your area any time you choose even if the horse doesn’t want to leave. You may indeed hurt his feelings to do so but it will in fact serve to deepen the bond. This is natural to horses.”
I have a question — what do you do after you go in the opposite direction? Is that it for the day? Or do you try to get their attention from a distance? Or do you approach again?
The other day, when I went into the corral to be with my horse, she started towards me, then veered off to the upper gate. I know she wanted out into the pasture, but we had had a huge rainstorm and the ground was too wet. I walked towards her, got her attention and called her to me. We did have a very good day (and I did take her out of the corral and hand grazed her afterward). However, it seems from this post that I should have turned and gone the opposite direction.
Thanks for any feedback.
Thank you Carolyn!
You are such a great voice for the horse. I love what
you are saying about our bond with our horses. I just finished “Naked
Liberty” and one of the things you keep reminding me of is the attention
that I used to give the “dis-harmonic” parts of my relationship with my
horses. I used to focus on what was wrong and attempt to “apply”
training methods to “cure” these things. Now I am focusing on what is HARMONIUS in our relationship and we have “bloomed”. My work with people and horses and the psychotherapy we provide people isn’t to “fix” peoples problems, it is to enhance what is right in their relationships with themselves and the horses and our interactions with them provides us a place to observe that!
THANK YOU!!! Nancy Klifman, HOOF (Horses Opening Our Feelings)
I think you are right that sometimes we know more than we let outselves think we know about reading horses and relating to them. Indeed, about a lot of things. The tension that comes with trying to achieve a specific goal, and wanting very much to do so, makes it harder, not easier, to actually get there. It is practical, when dealing with horses (and people), to be as zen as circumstances allow.
From that perspective, it makes perfect sense to me that when you are first building a relationship with a horse and the horse leaves you, it is better to go in the opposite direction. This is the essence of the two Parelli games that work best for me: the catching game and approach-and-retreat. What I like best about your program is the lack of a time-table and the intense emphasis on the horse’s comfort and voice in the relationship. The truth, as you say, is that horses respond best to clear leadership. People do too. Just look at how bored and impatient most of us get when a speaker fumbles around on the podium and seems intimidated by merely having to speak in public. Most of us like the idea that those around us have a plan. Like horses, people are more comfortable following someone who appears to know what they are doing and where they are going.
Dear Carolyn,
Thank you for such a wonderful post – it is empowering to be reminded of some of the simplest routes to connection: caring enough.
I have found that it can sometimes be painful to know what horses are saying when you aren’t in a position to help them, such as please let me get to know those horses in the other fensed off field that I can only gaze at, or please let me out of this stable as I am dying inside!
On a lighter note i remember when the cat realised that she could talk to me and I would (usually) understand – she became very extroverted! less enjoyable though, when she would like breakfast an hour early.
Sun is very clear in her communcation, all of the time: an expression in the eye, a twitch of the nostril, often just an intense look at me or pointing with her nose. As soon as I let my guard down about following training manuals and started talking clearly with my intention, voice and body as if she were a person, we started to communicate a lot better and it goes from strength to strength.
I do not appear to have received the ‘bein gyour voice’ email and would love to learn more if possible.
many thanks
thank you for a beautiful post Carolyn. I’m really looking forward to the whr class. The bits that I’ve picked up so far from your blog and Naked Liberty have help to create moments with my horses that I will cherish forever.
thank you.
Laurinda
Count me in on the phone call, if i haven’t missed it. Thank you Renee
Thanks Carolyn for another great post.
Now that I am riding Capricho again, it is interesting to apply the WHR to mounted work. Of course this experience constantly inspires me to re-examine the ways I used to relate to horses. Growing up it was all about “making them mind you” with no emphasis on a horse’s feelings. So now as we ride down these ancient cobblestone streets – which we have to pass to get out of town – Capricho has limitless curiosity towards everything. He looks into the doors, courtyards and pastures, hoping to enter them and look around. His interest in his surroundings is precious to me, and I can’t bring myself to just urge him along all the time. Sometimes I will let him check out a driveway or something, as long as he listens to me when it’s time to turn around. He usually reins and stops on a dime, something he gained from working together on the ground at liberty. One time we entered a questionable neighborhood where I admit I had a bad vibe about a group of houses. He put his ears forward intensely and came to a stop. I decided he might smell adrenalin of humans, or maybe an animal, who knows. Asking him to step forward a few paces more just to keep the decision in my hands, I then had him turn around and we did not pass by that area.
I had not realized before this past year just how valuable a horse’s instinct is, and how much more aware they are through heightened smell and hearing abilities. Now I’m realizing I want to work together with him. One would honor this in a dog, so why not a horse? Who knows what might have happened to us if I’d been rigid and made him proceed through that neighborhood.
Thank you, Carolyn for another wonderful note. I am amazed and enthused about all that you are sharing. I am so glad I found your books, videos and this blog. This new year has brought to me the realization that many times if we can learn to ‘quiet the mind’, we can become aware of so much more, especially with animals.
I recently took an animal communication class and realized my ‘mind’ was interfering with my intuition. It was an epiphany, not only in animal communication but also in my riding, and my life. I am now practicing ‘a quiet mind’, and ‘staying in the moment’, no past, no future, just rejoicing in the fullness of the moment and all around me.
I have always gotten along well with animals and found them to be so easy to be with, but now, oftentimes they surround me at the barn. I only have one horse, but the others all want to come for a pat and some attention, even the cats go with me from place to place. The other evening I was in the stall with my horse and there were cats peering in at me from above and waiting outside the door, or trying to be in my lap. When I look at them, they have a meow for me. When I was working at the barn, I talked with all of the animals, without even thinking about it.
I am healing from a herniated cervical disc and cannot ride so the Waterhole Rituals have come into my life at the perfect moment. I have watched all of your videos several times, and even taken notes on the WHR. I have read Naked Liberty and am now doing a second reading of your blog book, vol 1, to include more notes in my journal. I am absorbing and in the beginning stages of trying the WHR with my horse, Yowahtee. I am learning so much more about him and myself through this, and I am keeping a journal of my interactions with him and the other horses in the herd. I am excited about your upcoming WHR class and would like to be included.
I feel this is an excellent time to absorb all I can about herd behavior, animal communication, and to enjoy just being with my horse.
Thank you so much for all you are sharing. It applies to so much more than animals, I feel this thread moving with me during many of my daily activities.
Hey Carolyn, The vet came out today, and watched as my horses left their bale of hay, and followed me down to open gates for her. She wanted to know why they would leave food to follow me. I had a tough time putting it all into words. “Well, they have the choice to follow, or stay. I am their lead mare, so they always follow me. They like my company, and I like theirs.” I told her it would be easier if she checked into the water hole rituals. She could have the same connection. She couldn’t imagine it. She’s always pretty amazed at my herd.
I first noticed that Hawk could get into my mind and tell me what he wanted. The more time I spent with him, the more I could hear him. I noticed this winter, I could hear all four horses. Between body language, energy, mind to mind, I’m sure we all four “sound” like four good friends taking a hike as we do our morning pasture walk. It isn’t human, it’s horse language, and most of that I learned doing the rituals. Now? The mind to mind connection was the next step in a very good friendship with four of my best friends.
Hi Carolyn,
These posts are truly a highlight and everyone is so supportive of each other ,that ,in itself is a bond I feel blessed to have right now. Your post was also very timely for me as my filly Shiloh has been snubbing me the last couple of times I have been out to work with her, she just remains eating, her head deep in the hay trough but then she comes out a bit and whiney’s but I am already working with Molly one of the 2 yr. olds who has been approaching me latley. I now walk out to the middle of the pasture and who ever comes to work with me I spend time with, walking, talking and just bonding. I miss working with Shiloh but I have fun getting to know the others. They are very respectful of my space and my time with them but I am always aware of being safe around them. Thanks to everyone for sharing this space. Namaste Sherry Thomson
freedom of choice is the condition a horse faces in his relationship with you.
Hello Carolyn,
Your statement above is so well written. Many horse folks I see do not think about letting the animal have the freedom of choice. Their relationship with horses is one of complete dominance. So a true bonding and deep connection in their relationship is lacking. If my horse objects or rejects my effort in obtaining a specific behavior from him, I’ve learned from you and my natural horseman ship trainer, or should I say, counselor, to pause, evaluate, and try a different tactic.
Thank you for sharing such insight in horse behavior.
Barbara and Monie
birroyal@aol.com
Hello Carolyn,
Thank you , this is just what i needed to read today! Being clear, present, freedom of choice for us and our beloved horses, creates a closer bond with whatever it is we are participating in @ any given moment! Finding the appropriate balance between softness n strength. It’s always a balancing act for me. Im aware and learning so much along the journey.
Alethia
Dear Carolyn
This is timely for me as well. I am working with my younger horse to get him accustomed to leaving his buddy and accept my leadership. The rewards of carrot slices make him very interested indeed. I am contantly reading his thoughts as we work in and out of his comfort zone little by little. I look for ways to keep him interested in me and enjoy our time while at the same time I ask for a bit more from him. He always has the right to his opinion.
Thank you
Regina
Thanks for this wonderful post Carolyn,
since I found & started the Waterhole Rituals, I realised that this was the ‘missing piece’ I had been searching for with my own boy Hero. It has flowed on to all other horses I meet.
The fundamental thing for me is that I no longer ‘expect’ anything, or try to ‘make’ anything happen.
By simply ‘offering’ myself as a loving leader & friend, each moment of ‘connection’ becomes a special gift.
Also, when that ‘connection’ does NOT happen, I am no longer disappointed, but see it as an opportunity to learn more… Horses have ‘bad hair days’ too! LOL!
My new awareness of my own body language has also helped greatly with one of my dogs, Kip. He’s a little JRT x Chihuahua, a neglected ‘death row dog’ I rescued. He’s always had ‘issues’! When out walking, he was ‘unconnected’ to me, always focused on ‘what’s out there?’
By using posture, hand gestures, voice (kisses & clucks) very much like I do with horses, we are doing so much better now.
Looking forward to more learning & sharing with other lucky people who are on this path.
Love & whinneys, Moyna
Carolyn,
Thank you again for your sharing your life energy with us through your posts. I find your words practical, inspirational and often healing.
You efforts are appreciated here. I personally didn’t grow up around animals, was strongly drawn to them and my formal education was in the animal sciences. So with my background your words guide me back home to the not so simple art of common sense, thinking and feeling from within which is more accurate, effective and useful than any behavioral scientific theory.
Leanna
Hi Carolyn,
“The horse that is free to express himself can let you know if you are too strong or too boring. Or leading when you should be following or following when you should be leading.” I really like that and it answered a question for me today. When I was with Ben, he became very distracted by the little pony, Rosie, disappearing from his view. I realise now that I was not being interesting enough to claim his attention! I also like the moment by moment reading of your horse that you imply.
I have been quietly reading your blog but not commenting recently as I have had my own distractions: coughs and colds in the house and my husband being away. I also e-mailed you (via Tessa) about the possibility of a telephone consultation.
Thanks once again for this wonderful blog.
Máire
Hi Carolyn!
That you write to day was written to me. I think like you do. I haven´t found and started reading your blog if I I didn´t think I have this ability in me. I think the most people have but you have to be silent and listen to the silence and then you know what to do. But people now a days don´t know how to be silent or to listen. Thats what I belive.
I have always had a good hand with children. When I meet children I wait for them to connect with me first, I almoust never go first to them. When they ready they come and say hello do you want to play? I am a teacher and I love my work with the children. When you work with children you have to know when you can be a little stronger or softer with a child or kreative..when you are in the moment with a child and listen to he/she you can make him/her to make big steps in their learning. I can see the joy and the light in the childrens eyes when they “get it” and that is fantastic.
Your method and my horse have helped me/helps me develope my abilities to bee a better leader and communicator both with children and horses. It is fantastic that you never stop to learn.
I haven´t always been a good listener. I have looked liked listening but my mind has been somewhere else. Through working with children and horses I have learnt to be in the moment. Both children and horses knows when you are somwhere else in your mind.
It has been hard working with the horses due to the weather. But know it looks like the spring it´s on it´s way. Right know the horses and I is training to be polite and show each other respect. I realyy enyoj it. I have a very polite horse but it can be better. I read in your bloggbook about treats. I haven´t used treats but after reading how to begin the socialization around food treats i feel that it is something we can work on.
Have a good day!
I am going to go to sleep now.
(I hope you understand my english.)
Anna-Karin
Dear Toni,
What I meant to say is that you will not hurt the bond when a horse has a free choice to follow your lead when you are strong with your horse to get a point across. If you remain strong and allow a horse to choose how he will deal with you the horse will come around or you will come around. Freedom brings connection.
Before I got my dog he did not come when he was called, To start my training with him I call him and he doesnt come and I allow him this behavior and take him a treat or do not resopnd to him in any way. When he finally comes to me for some other reason I give him a treat. More often he now comes when he is being called. I allow the relatiship to grow. I used no take or have toos.
I like you letter and I know you are very good with horses but I wanted to be clear on this point.
I have found that the more freedom I give a horse the more then want to lean and follow my lead.
Hi Carolyn,
“You can be strong with a horse and the horse will forgive you easily, and you will not hurt the bond if the horse has free choice to accept or reject your behavior and leadership. This is a good lesson your horse can teach you.”
That really resonated with me when I read it, how lucky we are that horses do truly forgive so quickly and gracefully.
Thanks!
Deb
Dear Carolyn,
What a wonderful post! I really liked your statements on leadership, and the Waterhole Rituals.
“You can be strong with a horse and the horse will forgive you easily, and you will hurt the bond if the horse has free choice to accept or reject your behavior and leadership. This is a good lesson your horse can teach you.”
The above was very well said. I have been around horses most of my life, and the above lesson was the most valuable one I learned through all those years. Solid leadership is something I seek in others, and something my horses, dogs, (and students) seek in me. I try never to let them down. Carolyn, thanks again for a great post.
Toni
P.S. Thanks again to all who showed concern for me at this time. I feel a real bond with everyone through Carolyn’s gentle guidance. Thank You Carolyn.