The Power of Saying Hello as a Lead Mare
Jan 12th, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
Hello. Today I have a story for you about the power of patience, persistence and also respect, which I hope you will find very revealing.
I was once asked to work with a well-bred warm blood mare who was extremely dangerous to be around. She would charge open-mouthed, intending to bite hard, at whoever came into her space.
She was in her stall-sized pipe corral when I arrived. I spent some time nearby and then approached her to say hello. The mare charged at me, fully intending to bite. I jumped back out of her reach and personal space and waited for her to process what had just happened.
After she settled down, I approached her again. Again the mare charged at me, prepared to bite. Again I retreated, and waited for her to settle.
We repeated this sequence what felt like 50 or 60 times … so many that I lost count. Again I began my approach, and this time the mare let me come right up to her. She breathed on my outstretched hand and allowed me to gently stroke her face. After that, she never again attempted to charge and bite anyone.
This story illustrates the power of saying hello as a lead horse does. What this mare needed was to feel that she had some control over her personal space. She needed to feel that she could say “no” to a person’s overtures and have that “no” respected rather than punished. I gave her many opportunities to say “no” that day … as many as she needed. When she was satisfied that her “no” would be respected, she was able to say “yes” to my greeting.
Do you have any stories about connecting with a new horse you would like to share with us?
Carolyn
No related posts.
A cute little Quarter Pony mare with no name came into my life 5 years ago and I took her home to be a companion for my 30 something pony. She was a mental and physical mess, hated people and was foundered in all 4 hooves. I figured I would do my best for her and she would have her job as a companion.
The first time I went to feed her she came at me snaking her neck, ears pinned, nostrils wrinkled and striking. Something the previous human in her life failed to mention. Her reply to me when I asked about it was “I just threw her food in and ran”
I started my relationship with this little girl now named Grace by standing my ground and driving her off from her food until she would stand out of my space and ask to come in. I would then invite her, and ask her to wait patiently until I put her food down, stepped back and tell her OK. That was the first of many things we had to work on. I spent countless days and nights just sitting with her and getting her used to me being around. She would look at me with that wrinkly face as if to say “what on earth are you doing here, why don’t you just go away?”
It took a good year to get her sound which gave me all kinds of time to work on her behaviour. She came to me very well mannered once a halter was put on her, if you could get near her, but it was evident it was only because she ‘knew better’ not because she wanted to be. Her body was tight with speculation, anxiety and stress. It was as if her skin hurt. Once sound we started to see what she knew under saddle and I soon found out she had a formula that could get rid of any rider.
It has been a long road and there isn’t enough skin on my fingers to type all that we have been through to turn her into a people loving, very vocal, in your pocket wonderful confident little mare. She occaisionally will put her ears back when I approach with food, but all I need to say now is “where is the pretty face” and she will pop her ears up. Old habits die hard I guess and if that’s all she has left of her previous life, I can live with it.
I am so sorry that my unfinished reply is posted. I have learned from my wonderful husband and son that I must type in WORD and paste to my reply.
So, at first I thought that all my horses would pass the requirements for the UE exercises.
BUT. When they were properly tested only my 22 year old “Spock” would pass.
He is Parelli trained and I will be using him in the UE exercises.
Niki: a now 4 yo tb chestnut filly was trained to race and had an injury which caused her owner to “dump her”..Since she was ridden, I ASSUMED that she would pass, but she has many issues, so I will be working with her on the WHR as Carolyn suggested. I will report on her progress in 8 days follwing Carolyn’s instructions and I will post this first to follow up on the UE blog and then transfer to the regular blog.
Pazo – my 18 mo gelding andalusian – He is most definitely NOT ready for UE and I desperately need to know what to do with him.
CAROLYN Help PLEASE!!!!
What do I do with my little “dream horse” to prepare him for a wonderful future with me. He desperately wants attention but I feel as though I have NO goal or training plan in order for him. He does things I do not understand and I know he is a baby, but I don’t want to make things too hard for the future training. Please let me know what to work on.
Thanks again for all your advice, I am slowly starting to understand and I am so excited that I
Well…..thanks for all the info on this blog. I am following the UE exercises and had questions about my 4 yo rescue tb chestnut filly #55 question….
Well, I think that I thought that my 2 “ridden horses” would attomatically pass the Water Hole Ritual test and so they could participate in the UE.
BUT. I had to stop and backpedal to see if that was really true.
SO>.. 22 year old Parelli trained gelding “Spock” definitely passed and so I will be working with him in the UE session.
4YO Filly, 2 yo prelim race training and subsequently hurt and turned out and “given to me”. She had been ridden but is DEFINITELY
Class I am in the middle of a clinic and will not be able to answer your questions except for Sally. I am reading them all and I want you do know this.
Sally Spenser-The horse reads the rituals in how they are intended hopefully because they are rituals that are natural to them.
Hello ritual can be done as long as you like because that is how horses go about developing relationships.
Because the horse is free it reconizes your intentions. The way you are approaching your horse it sees that you are wanting a bond and you are respecting its rights and personal space. It the must see them as rituals this is very important. It is an instenct to know the riutals like the instenct of a bird that can buid a nest. Birds can build a nest and they took no lessons, the just do it. This rituals cause a horse to know the rituals like the bird knows how to build an nest.
When the horse says “no” you walk way and then wait untill things are soft and connected and then you start in again to seek permission.
This is how stallions win over a mare and how they collect a horse they want to connect with.
When you feel that what you are doing is fourcful do not do it every if it is with my method. If you see the horse is not getting it or you are confused my method will only confuse the horse and yourself.
My method is for people who are drawn to it and is as natural to them as it is to the horse. If I have to sell you on the idea it may not be right for you.
The only way the method works is that you can understand it in your core and your being and in your instenct somewhere inside of yourself and that you can see the application in how to develop a working bond with it easily and that you can read what your horse is thinking when you are applying it and you know what to do next like a bird knows how to build a nest.
On the subject of the treats for people that are having problems the insider circle on line course goes into this so you can use treats with out the kind of problems you are experiancing. I need to be more able to communicte with you to teach this. It takes more that a blog entry.
Please wait on the envelopes you send because I need them to be stamped to pay for shipping. I will have the coast to you after my clinic so don’t send them untill I find out the coast.
Love to you all. Nice to hear you like both formats on Tuesday as well as Thursdays. It is important to know this because it is a big effort to do both days. When I see this blog is needed I want to support it. I thing what I offer is not easy to find to be able to have personal guidance with lessons in decernment and knowingness with horses.
We are in a storm right now for our area and tomorrow is my last day in my clinic and after that I will get back to my horses and rest and meditate. I will keep up with the blog entries but will not respond as much as usuall till my energy is recaptured.
Hello Carolyn
With observing my horses more closely with my querie in mind I figure I have answered my own question now. I have also enjoyed the observations of others in this group.
I have observed the value of the persistant asking in relation to the answer given, the acknowledging and respecting of it in that moment. However, that moment has no real bearing on the ability/wish to ask in the next moment. It also speaks about survival and relationship.
What interested me in asking the question was that I am interacting with my horses like this all the time and they with me. But because the lead mare story came up as a singled out example my brain translated what I know or not differently and I did not co-ordinate my thinking.
I do hope I am making sense here. I am fascinated with how differently people interpret information, how differently people learn and treat/judge themselves about how they are doing in their estimation. I am likely fascinated as all these things have been a noticeable part of my own experience/journey.
Whilst I am writing, Carolyn I have to say how much I am enjoying your Liberty Training DVD! I relate to it better than I did initially to the Waterhole ones, again likely to do with how my mind works or emotional system is happening. I recognized many things that you teach in that DVD that I work similarly too but best of all you explained various aspects about the horse’s body language and way of being that had not been explained so fully to my understanding before. I wish to extend to you my gratitude for your ability to keep giving, extending your kindness and acceptance and support of so many people.
Working with 3 of my horses yesterday, one a youngster, not yet backed I was thrilled with the improvements we made in our liberty work together.
Suddenly for the young horse and I we began to get much clearer and connect, him really beinging clear about me being the lead mare and offering some steps of walking with me.
My other gelding and lead mare mare both seemed to feel clearer too as I was able to be more clear and understandable for them. This is what I am really enjoying- the fact that not only do I understand what I mean by what I do but so do they. My mare also offered more with my efforts with the UE. We are still at early stages but something is changing and it feels great.
Thank you!
Sally
I have watched my little pony trying to fit in with too much larger horses.
When it is feeding time, the two larger horses ask the little one to stay away from the hay-pile. This little guy keeps comming back. He is not afraid of the big guy’s but will do as told. After 10-15 ‘Go-Away’s’ where Little Guy is sent away, the two others give him the ‘Okay’.
From day to day this takes from 5 secs to 5 min depending on the big guys.
After that they all eat calmly and love it.
Just stumbled on this website and enjoyed reading “The Power of Saying Hello as a Lead Mare.” My experience using passive persistence and approach-and-retreat with hostile, troubled horses has similarly been rewarding. There is great power in not reacting to an aggressive horse’s overtures, but just being there in the moment occupying your own space with confidence. I never before thought of it as emulating a lead mare, just as an effective way of communicating non-aggressive leadership. Horses relax when they recognize the presence of confident leadership. They can read what is inside of you. I suggest that a less experienced, less internally confident person making exactly the same physical movements you did with that horse might find less success, or at least the process might have taken a lot longer.
Hello Carolyn
I apologise for my delay in replying to the ‘Power of saying hello to the lead mare’ account you wrote. It is a super account but one question I have is could your multiple approaches not have been a type of desensitization?
Although the mare was demonstrating her desire for you to stay away from her territory and you agreed by backing off for a period, from your account you maintained your approach to say hello for quite some time.
So does the horse eventually become desensitized to its own behavioural point of view and the human obtains the result of the expectation held eventually, or, does the horse actually see the benefit of the neutral requestioning/attempting of the approach?
I ask this because I find myself questioning this with my own horses. My big mare. lead mare and sensitive sometimes shows me a response I feel I sometimes have difficulty in interpreting her real feeling of what I am asking.
She is a seasoned horse, ex cross country, brought over from Ireland as an 8 yr old, now around 19yrs. Due to weather and an ‘under the weather issue’ she has not been ridden for around 6-7 weeks, maybe more. Recently I have been working with her relationship wise on the ground.
Yesterday I suggested to her that we prepare ourselves to ride, just in my 90′ x 60′ indoor arena that also doubles up as a big pen for 5 when in away from weather etc.
When I bought her sight unseen about 4 yrs ago she arrived totally atrofied in her back muscles, corresponding anatomy etc so I spent a year or more helpng her gain her condition and to find a happy saddle for her and to see if I could help her release her ears back to being tacked up, mounted etc. Thes latter responses have lessoned enormously and I sense she loves to be doing something.
Two days ago after I had placed her saddle blankets on (I work with her in liberty) she calmly walked down the building and into an end loose box.
I went to retrieve her by asking her to accompany me in liberty back to out tacking spot. She agreed, came back with me to our spot. I took the blanket and pad off, replaced them and she did the same again. This went on for 4 times.
By the 4th I asked her if she might require some extra help having a rope over her neck. This seemed fine. I sensed she had a thought to move off, corrected it by feeling the rope, she stayed and we got her western saddle aboard etc.
Into the arena she was keen to present herself for her bitless bridle.
She stood unattended for minutes at the mounting block for me to change my boots etc. So I felt sure that although some of her behaviour might indicate her desire not to participate that the real desire was too. We rode together , long rein in walk for about 10 minutes. She was wonderful and very responsive.
Today she stayed and waited for me to tack her up but after being mounted walked off without dual decision (v. unusual in general) and there was no response to halt by our known cue (no pressure, more release) so I quietly corrected her by backing a few steps and dismounted, repositioned and re-mounted and she was happy to wait for the go ahead to walk on.
Our ride, about 10 minutes again was lovely, the pair of us very free and united in our direction, turns, length/shortness of pace (all at walk as she has lost a lot of fitness) and stops. I dismounted , moved some objects around to give reason, remounted and all good.
So I suppose it is a fine line to ascertain with some horses how much their behaviour/reaction/responses are habitual or that they are maybe hoping you will find a way to release them from them by persevering in a neutral way.
Is this what you feel may be applicable to your story and maybe my own?
Thank you once again for all that you provide, give and guide.
Sally
Dear Carolyn,
I, too, loved this post. I look forward to your Tuesday posts as much as the Thursday ones, perhaps even more because I never know what golden nugget I will find on Tuesdays. Thank you. Also, I appreciated that someone asked the question about her horses turning their heads away when she reached for them. Roscoe does this as well, and I had no idea what it meant. Your answer, Carolyn, was yet again a golden nugget. There is so much more for me to learn about my horse’s body language.
Karin
Just a small comment to Renee’s input and Carolyns answer:
Can geldings play the same game ?
My PRE gelding Anibal also does this once in a while. Normally it is because I have spent too much time (he thinks) with my other gelding Greifing.
But the funny thing is that when he surrenders to the touch, he is really into it, even more than ‘usual’. So happy for your post and your answer Carolyn because I didnt know if what I was doing was ok.
Love this post, Carolyn. So simple but very profound. The power of insight and patience.
Beth Schang says it perfectly–thank you, Beth and dear Carolyn!
Connie Funk
Dear Renee,
Draw your hand back and pause an try again and repeat. What it is about is that your horse is wanting you to play this game untill she surenders to the touch. she is wanting relationship and is inviting you to enter her world. Mares are always playing this game. For you to be offended does not help the relationship. Try playing the game and when you reach for her pull back and wait for her to settle and they try again. She will at some point let you and when she does you will have a closer connection.
Let me know how this turns out.
Put yourself in her hooves and ask youself why you would want someone fooling with ou hair because they were in the mood and if you said “No” you would offend them . Bet you would most likely not want to be touched at all.
Dear Patti,
I teach about how to set boundries in my online course called the insider circle program. The question you asked cannot be answered in a short response. There is a process and stages to develop.
We will start another class in the late spring when the mud and rain has gone for most everyone.
Thanks, Carolyn, for this post. Checking in here with cold fingers due to weather… Today at total liberty, I led Capricho to a pole across two small rocks, and got him to jump it for me twice!
Your post makes me think of this new gelding we bought with whom I will be doing the WR. He is in a corral, and I say hello from outside. I have taught him to back up on command a couple of steps, as he is eager to stand right next to me. You earlier wrote of your Dad’s question “what do you feel safe doing with the horse” and I cleave to your excellent advice. I have become pretty fussy about safety of late! So I’m doing a lot of saying hello… from the other side of the fence.
Carolyn, Another good experience to reflect on, thank you. After stumbling along trying to apply some of the WHR not sure when you start of finish them my lead mare, for the first time since I got her 8 years ago, allowed me to walk up to her while she was laying down. I was so surprised and happy. I just sat with her for awhile and petted her.
This experience might help me with another incident that I am trying to figure out. It is not unusual for my mares to come right up to me, yet when I reach to touch their face they will turn their heads. It feels like such and insult to me. I offer them my hand first, they touch it yet again when I reach to touch their faces they turn their heads. What is this about? Thank you, Renee
Dear Evergreen,
Thank you for sharing your story. Your sharing this with me and what happened is awsome. I do not thing this is small. I call this something to celebrate.
When hroses begin to talk to us we know the bond is deepening.
When I work with Lad my mineture stallion he talks to be all the time. You can tell that he things I know everyting he is saying to me. I can read most of his sounds.
The blows of horses is also another language as well.
My horses will blow different energy for a long time with diffrent tones and breaths.
Thanks Carolyn, it took me two years of being patient before Reba would come to me without having her ears back and would allow me to pet her face with a positive reaction. Now doing the WHR and the UE I wonder how long it would have taken had I known then what I know now?? Never too late to learn!
Deb
Hi Carolyn ,
I have a little different lead mare story not sure if my way of thinking and acting was correct but I did notice a mutual understanding after the experience.
My horse Charisma is also a lead mare. She is very motivated and willing to work with me except when she is out in pasture with her girlfriends. I notice that she is usually the last one in making sure that everyone is in and safe before she is willing to be caught. When I showed up to ride one day and went out to try and coax her in, she did her usual, which is to walk away from me when I get with in a short distance of her. I decided that I would just keep pushing her from behind until she would decide to let me walk into her space. This was done very calmly , I never made her run and kept my eyes to the ground and energy small. After about 1 hour of this , she decided to face me, stand and let me walk into her space. I gave her the treats I had in hand, pet her and walked away to leave her with her friends where obviously she wanted to be. My friends at the barn thought I was nuts for letting her get her way and not bringing her in. My thought was I wanted her to know that I would respect her choice , plus to let her know that if I want to be with her in pasture it doesn’t have to mean I’m going to remove her from her job of overseeing the other mares.
Nancy Proulx
Dear Carolyn,
Checking in after a lengthy visit with a terminally ill sister in another State. I am behind on the exercises, but plan to spend as much time as I can with my horses’ warm fuzzy bodies. I am sad for my sister, and terribly missed my horses ability to calm me.
Your post was most interesting to me because most people would not have had the patience to take the time you did, and also, most owners would not have had the patience to see it through. When working with a dangerous, or hard to work with, horse, I realize most people want a quick and permanent fix. They also want to go around or avoid any resistance. As you stated in an earlier blog, we need to deal with the resistance to develop trust.
My story about patience, persistance, and respect:
Two years ago, I took my Fjord on an all day “wagon train”. He had not been out on the road or trails for at least three years. I work with him almost every day, and he has a lot of trust in me, so I was optimistic. Mae, a 12 year old girl who takes lessons from me, came along and rode in one of the wagons. Erick, my wonderful Fjord, was one of the best mannered horses in the group. He was relaxed and listened to my guidance the whole trip. I was very happy with him, and other people commented on his calm nature.
When we returned to to the trailer, I asked Mae if she wanted to ask the horse onto the trailer. She was very nervous about it, but said yes. I told her Erick would probably not go in on the first ask because of her nervousness, and that after asking a couple of times, she would be more sure of herself, calm down, and the horse would go on the trailer. I also told her it was not about the trailer. It was about leadership and building trust. We groomed and grazed Erick, and I told her to let me know when she was ready.
Sure enough, Erick said “no”. After three tries, I could see Mae was relaxing and Erick was watching her more. Then one of the riders got a group of people together to “help” us put our horse on the trailer. The rider told us not to be embarrassed, some horses just don’t trailer well. I believe they were going to use a rope around Erick’s butt to get him in. I thanked him and said we didn’t need help, that the horse knew how to trailer, but Mae needed the practice. Our “help” stood back giving advice. I told Mae to blot it out and concentrate on Erick and his body language. Mae was stellar. She had Erick in and out of the trailer several times within a few minutes and didn’t close him in until she was sure he was ready. She is a very patient young girl, and works well with Erick. She learned not to give in to other people’s ideas when it includes force or impatience. She realized the horse’s resistance came from her nervousness, and learned how to handle it.
On the other hand, many shaking heads walked away from that experience. I could see their agenda was about dominance and control, not patience and respect. My heart sank for their horses. Only one person came up and said he learned something from the exchange. He has been studying NH, and saw the “ask” and the “try”.
I have been using NH for many years, but have only been learning from your blog for about 4 months now. I see many changes I can make in myself, my approach, etc. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences with all of us.
Toni
Wonderful story Carolyn,
Though my story is not as dramatic, I am still seeing the benefits of the hello ritual. My mare Reina has always been standoffish. She is not overly aggressive like the mare you mentioned, but persistently aloof. She never used to initiate contact.
Since I started the Waterhole Rituals from the Insider’s Circle group, I have made a point of saying hello to each of the four horses in the herd when I go into their space, keeping very clear by approaching from the front each time. Reina has now learned that when I approach that way, it is only to say hello, and not to expect anything from her.
The frosting on the cake came yesterday. I came out of the house and was walking towards the pasture to feed them when I heard a nicker. It was Reina. This is the first time she has ever nickered to me (I have had her for eight years). It made my heart swell with joy to hear her address me in that way.
Dear Carolyn,
This is a tremendous piece of information. Thanks so much for sharing it, & revealing the importance of waiting for the horse to accept the person.
I have the opposite problem with my young horse-4 years old. He is always trying to get into my space ( and anyone else who says hello to him).
I have backed him repeatedly, used a crop as an extension of my arm to keep him at a distance outside my personal space, but he always, always keeps trying to get very close. He sometimes is very obnoxious about it, & sometimes very sweet. Is there any way I can make a better statement for him to stay OUT of my space unless invited in?
That was a wonderful guide, Carolyn. You always have such telling things to give us. I have an older gelding that likes to be in at night to stay out of the rain, but then wants to be out with the rest of the herd during the day. I can’t say as I blame him. Anyway, somewhere along the line, he has developed the habit of pinning his ears back every time I approach his stall, even when I’m carrying his evening meal. Do you think that is the same type of “personal space defense” as the horse described above. I got him as a youngster, 18 months, and he is now about 19 years, and this only started happening about a year ago. I remember, when I first got him, he had been teased with treats by the breeder’s grandchildren, meaning they would hold out a handful of horse treats to him and when he would reach out to eat some, they would pull their hand away, and had become somewhat aggressive. I am wondering whether or not my own grandchildren might have done something of this nature when I wasn’t around that has triggered this behavior??? What do you think? I don’t think he would really like it if I was to retreat when I had his flakes of hay in my arms, but I’d really like this behavior to stop. Thanks for all your good advice.
Hi Carolyn,
I was really touched reading your story and the stories submitted by your readers. what a difference a little understanding makes! I have not been able to make much progress with the ubs, as the weather has been fiercely cold, but will get back to it when the weather breaks later this week.
I do have a related story about meeting a horse for the first time…and using the whr!
The stables where my daughter takes lessons had just acquired two small ponies to join their rescued pony Tinkerbell. One of the ponies had a young colt by her side and was pregnant again. I was told that she had not been handled much and the colt not at all. They had a time getting the ponies to their new home and weren’t quite sure how to proceed with them. I suggested that they practice your whr with the ponies and that I was going to go hang out with them myself while my daughter had her lesson. I went out to the small pasture where the ponies were grazing to say hello. It was hard to tell just who the colts mom was because all three mares took turns mothering him. Even Tinkerbell who knew me, marched straight past and herded the little guy to the other end of the field as far away from me as she could. I laughed and shook my head as I sat down and relaxed. One by one every pony including the colt came up to me to say hello! They’d pretend to just be grazing my way and then pause to check me out and say hello. The colt even cautiously tried to nibble me a couple of times. He found my cell phone fascinating when I quietly brought it out to take a few pics. then mama came stomping over to give me a cursory once over before herding the colt a few yards away and demanding that he relieve the pressure in her udder. Thank you for sharing your experiences and enabling me to have such a wonderful evening with the ponies. I am happy to report that the next time I visited the ponies were much friendlier and the owners thrilled. They’d apparently just been spending time with them…
Hi Carolyn,
Tessa asked me to ask you here on the blog:
How do I buy you UE straps ? Cant find them in the store.
I couldnt really see on the video how they are made, so I would love a picture of them
Thank you
I learn so much from your stories – you are like an ambassador, sharing with us the wonders and understandings of a foreign culture…you share the lessons you’ve learned from your careful, thoughtful observations in such a way that helps us “see” with our own new understandings. If only we humans could learn civility and respect for each other’s different cultures in such a fashion, maybe “war” would become extinct. It is such a wonderful feeling when there is real communication, real understanding between us (human to horse, horse to human, human to human). What a grand example of diplomacy.
Dear Beck P,
I had entered clearly into her territory. I had no rigths to be there in her mind and I agreed that she had a point. She had a foal at her side. She would not have done anyting else. I could not have eather.
I love that story. I don’t have any matching stories of personal experience but it does remind me of what I see in Klaus Ferdinand Hempfling’s “Borderline” videos when he works with dangerous horses and quickly has them calmly and sweetly following his lead. He does not use force, but instead seems to say to them “I am not here to threaten you, but I will not go away due to your bad temper either.” Without fighting back, those particular horses seem to come around very nicely and very quickly.
As far as things go in my end of the snowy world… I FINALLY dug up a video camera to capture some of my play times and it RAINED all day ruining the only decent footing we’ve had in weeks! One foot of snow is decent traction, but take 1ft of snow, melted into a slushy soup on frozen ground and you get WIPE OUT CITY!!
So… I will contine to tinker and hopefully not bore my horse to death with my limited creativity with new developments with our interactions!
Until the next time!
Nicole
Hi Carolyn,
I have SO many WHR stories I could share! But I thought and thought about this one and a TB I don’t actually train came to mind. He lives in the pasture with 6 horses 3 of which are in training with me. He is retired and is difficult to catch and leery of people. He is also a Lead horse. When I started the rituals, I would hang with this herd and was obviously more focused on my “trainees”. But I set up a ritual of coming in and greeting each and every one of them (if they were receptive) every time I went in to work with the trainees. I do find it quite entertaining that whatever herd you’re in, at some point all the horses become interested in you and start to want to engage. So this TB started to show up behind me and touching me and and following me when I was going to the others. I always take a moment to greet him every time and he seems to appreciate it. He lets me catch him now, which I do for the farrier who has no patience with him. I also thank him for keeping the hooligans (his herd mates in order for me). That is new his job now and he likes it.
I also wondered if you felt that it was more powerful to work in the herd then with them individually once you have established the WHR with your horses. I am finding that when I work with them individually within the herd, interesting things happen. Maybe it is that my connection is just getting stronger and deeper all the time. But I find the work within the herd very interesting, powerful, and as always fun and entertaining!
This story is full of love and understanding.
Your persistency is amazing and really shows your great and wise soul.
Thank you.
Lovely story! I have 2 questions, 1 about your story, the other about my horse.
When you say you re-treated from her, how did you detect that people had not been respecting her space, rather then she was detecting that she could control her space by using an aggressive gesture? It’s just that sometimes if a horse enters out personal space ‘rudely’ we are advised to move them assertvely away from us. How did you make the decision with this mare in particular to not move her away from you, rather you move away from her? I think i know the answer but i just want to clarify for my learning experience!
My 2nd question is: my welsh cob really enjoys companion walking. He stops and goes off the halter, we have a nice basic connection. He is very young and came to me ferral last year so he is learning from scratch. When it comes to trotting, he does not move off with me staright away. He speeds up his walk and i am normally some way in front of him before he trots on to catch up with me. he then gets excited on his approach and normally bucks and squeals as i am still trotting! When i then stop he does stop too, but always looks a little ‘wired up!’ How would i ask him to move off with me nicely? I have tried using pressure on the halter but i find myself running on the spot and he is just walking a lot faster! Totally stuck!
Thank you so much for your time.
Becky P
Hello Carolyn,
What a wonderful story you shared about the agressive dutch warm blood warm. There was an Arabian gelding on the ranch where I board my buddy, who was out to bite, stike, kick everybody within reach. The trainer was having a terrible time, mostly punishing it whenever she worked with the gelding. He was a bottle fed , isolated youngster and so doesn’t have a clue about herd socialization, and is always in the defensive mode, and very dangerous to be around. The owner had hopes to be trail hacking on him when she got him, but those hopes have faded. I’ve told her about your great book, Naked Liberty, and “connection” methods. I hope she decides that working towards bonding and connection with her gelding is more important, and not be ruled by her impatience.
After I chair sat with my buddy the other day in a round pen, he came to me when I saw stall cleaning. I was so surprised, because normally he stands by the gate and doesn’t want to come over to say hello, but after our chair sitting session, he did. And I felt so happy that he came to me on his own accord.
Cheers,
Barbara and Monie
birroyal@aol.com
Hi Carolyn,
The snow,sleet,ice & also rain is poring down over in Manchester !!
I like your webiste,& as i can tell other people do to.It is very well put together,with all the posts & links.
Thank you for commenting & posting the website onto ‘horses arnt just to ride,horses are there to be your best friend’ i also posted it onto my Facebook wall so other people could come along & search your web !!
I have a Thoroubred ex-race horse he is 16.hh bay,with a star on his face.He is extremly calm & well behaved,i have only had him for 3 month.
Thanks for letting me on here.
Hi Carolyn, I have two stories. Both are what happened today. To start, with Midas my 16yr old who I have had for 10 years. After watching your liberty training dvd I got the other day I decided to try things out, by sending him off to trot or canter and drawing him back in by opening up or closing my leading shoulder. OMG…I couldn’t believe how well he understood exactly what I was asking. I could get him to do close in circles (which I have never been able to do..its usually coming up close to me and standing or running way off), changing direction or coming in to me at whatever gait I was thinking of at the time. It was magical….finally I have figured out his language and he seemed “happy”.
So, I was on such a high, I thought OK lets go get Joker, my 5 yr old that I started a year ago. He loves to see me when I come to the gate and whinnies and almost climbs over to get to me, politely puts his head in the halter and I am thinking that this is going to be a good day. Once in the arena I just let him go and I wandered around checking out the territory. For the whole session he didn’t seem real keen to come to me, with out a bit of coaxing. He does have a couple of favorite spots in the arena and I did some taking territory with him which seemed to get him thinking. There just didn’t seem to be the magnetism that I had with Midas. I am sure this is a time and patience thing, though I really feel the WR with Joker would be extremely helpful. I can feel there is love there…its almost like he is saying “I think I really like you but I am not 100% convinced you can be my leader.” Under saddle we can occasionally get to a point where he will balk and say “no” and at those times I am not sure exactly what I should do. It wasn’t a terrible session with him by any stretch but the one with Midas was exceptional.
What a great example of how powerful the “hello” is. I think that society today is in such a hurry and in many ways the short cuts that we take are actually wasting more time and are less effective. When I am talking to people who are new to horses, one of the points that seems difficult for them to understand is that less is definitely more when working with horses, and that taking time with the little things can have amazing results.
Thanks Carolyn for this powerful example!
Lori
hello carolyn,
well the rain continues to pour down in spain. i so wish i could afford a covered arena!
i have had a chance to try the 2 ub exercises on my 2 PRE horses and am pleased with our start. my mare Chili went with me relaxed and willing although i am new at this! she is a special girl and wants to try everything i ask of her. Vaquero not so attentive but trying to see what i want!
i have ordered your dvd and book as i can see there is a lot of foundation work behind your method that i need to study first. i feel a bit in the dark coming in at this stage of your blogs and online classes.
but i am gradually reading it all and getting a picture . so looking forward to the material especially right now with the weather so bad, i can read up, watch the dvd and get myself ready to work with what looks to be the link i have been looking for a long time-your wise guidance, a mutual respect for the horse and a passion to go forward in partnership with our equine friends. so lovely to read all the feedback from everyone and feel part of such a great group of real horse lovers. sadly they are thin on the ground here and i am daily confronted with ignorant cruelty and often feel alone here but have the great joy of students and friends who come and work here for the love of the horse. i know we are making a light in the dark so continue against all the difficulties with the daily reward and gift of sharing my life with such wonderful equine friends.
Hi Carolyn, just checking in.
Thanks for mentioning Julia in a recent post, I have contacted her with a view to working with her to take us even further with our WR “work”. Your guidance and inspiration is amazing and with Julia close by (200 miles ish) in the UK we hope (my horses hope), that it will help me to move deeper into their world and closer to our magnetic connection. We have made great shifts and connect often but I feel I need a guide on hand to help me better understand how to stay with it, so to speak.
Thank you, I look forward to working with Julia.
oh carolyn, that is a wonderful story. thank you so much for sharing. it is easy to forget that sometimes we may be so excited to see someone but need to control the approach and wait for them to be equally eager to engage in intimate conversation.
How nice Carolyn, to let just patience do the job. Once again it can be so simple. I also have a simple story.
One day, a few years ago, I took my Icelandic stallion Bjarg for a walk, just to enjoy some time together. But he made it very clear to me this was not his idea of having fun, he just didn’t want to come with me. I put some pressure on the leadrope, but he just made a very long neck and walked very, very slowly behind me. It was obvious that he didn’t enjoy this at all. I had to drag him with me (how little did I know back then…), hoping it would get better if I just persisted. I felt quite desperate and almost in tears because nothing helped. I didn’t know what to do anymore so I just sat down by the road to think of a solution. Couldn’t think of anything however, so I just sat there, feeling very empty and sad. In the meantime Bjarg waited very calmly and patiently beside me and he seemed very content with this situation. He just stood by me, just ‘being’. And somehow, after what seemed like half an hour, his state of just being and relaxing came over me as well, as if Bjarg had ‘planted’ it in me somehow. Suddenly I knew that if I would get up and start walking again now, Bjarg would enjoy following me this time. So I did and… he followed me like a puppy! Suddenly we were completely in harmony and at unity; when I slowed down he did, when I stopped he did, when I started running he did. We were mirroring each other in a beautiful way and it felt like heaven. That second part of our walk was one of the most beautiful experiences I ever had with him. Afterwards I realised that he had shown me a wonderful thing: to not demand so much, but to just be with him. That was all he and I needed to be as one. I will never forget the feeling we had that day.
Check in…..
I’m very interested in these exercises. I have been using the first one on all of my horses(7).
Regarding connecting to a new horse: I bought a half-Arab that had at some time been abused, then neglected. He appeared calm and responsive when I led him from the sale part of the barn to his new stall at the same stable (after I had basically just haltered and stroked him) but he reached out and bit my jacket sleeve. I didn’t react by doing anything other than saying in a disgusted voice “Are you about done?”
He never bit again, was never mouthy for treats. I truly think he was trying to provoke my response to see what it would be. When it was calm and not harsh, I think be began to trust me. Normally, I would somehow discipline a horse for biting, but in this case something told me not to. I later won ribbons in Dressage, English and Western pleasure on this horse and could take him and ride him anywhere. I always felt he was waiting for the “shoe to drop” and when it didn’t, he began to bond with me.
This is not a “new horse” story, but a story about my gelding Moon from just this weekend. Moon is not always receptive to having someone come into his space. In fact, more often than not, he seems a bit annoyed about it. I have been paying a lot more attention to his body language and moods, giving him the opportunity to invite me in, or not. Sunday afternoon I went to hang out with my two boys and put some hay under a tree and leaned against the tree while they ate. I could see that Moon was watching me a lot. He has partial blue eyes, so it’s very obvious when he is looking at me. After maybe 15-20 minutes he walked straight up to me face to face and very close. He then turned his head to look at me with each eye, back and forth 3 times. Then he firmly but gently pressed his nose against my forehead and kept it there for a few seconds and breathed in and out. I just relaxed and enjoyed the connection. Then he went back to his hay. It was a very different approach he made to me than he ever did in the past. I think perhaps he is seeing me as more interesting and approachable without putting pressure on him. Whatever it was, it was very nice.
Regina
Hello Carolyn
I am just checking in.
I am not able to practice as regularly as I would have liked due to the new tasks the weather has brought us. However, I am noticing some lovely responses from my mare in relation to flexing, following my feel etc.
Thank you for all you write.
Mail hasn’t been able to get here so my husband managed to the P.O. today and came back with an armful.
One item was your Liberty DVD so I am very interested to view it and share it with people who attend my monthly resource days.
Thank you again
Sally