Reciprocal Leadership between Horse and Human
Apr 29th, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
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Hello. With the Waterhole Rituals Classes underway and the participants already beginning to experience the benefit of it, I wanted to talk about the possibilities there are with the first Waterhole Ritual. At the moment, those who are in the ‘Insider Circle and ‘In a Box’ Programs are working on their first assignment, which is to Share Territory with their horse, read books or write in a journal and focus on becoming connected in the moment. When you do this and when your vibration starts to match the environment in the moment, things really start to occur between you and your horse.
As Sharing Territory deepens and starts to feels like a ritual for you and your horse, new things can begin to take place such as spontaneous outbursts of interaction. This is just what happened at the ranch here last night. I have a new apprentice whose name is Lila Harding and we are very happy to be working together. Anyway, Lila brought her horse, Sebastian, a 12 year old Percheron Thoroughbred gelding, to go through my Method and learn bridleless riding. She has been Sharing Territory with her horse and we are into the second week together.
So last night while Sharing Territory with Sebastian, things occurred which I thought could be very valuable and informative to everyone following my blog and in the classes.
This is what happened to Lila. As she was spending time with her horse, a light bulb went on and she decided to interest Sebastian in a game. Sebastian, who in himself is both dominant and lighthearted was feeling playful and knocked over two barrels in the area they were using. Lila got the idea that maybe they could play with the barrels and learn to roll them across the arena on command because Sebastian likes to play with things. Now this is where the road of departure happens in relating to horses and is what I hope everyone grasps from my influence and the Waterhole Rituals.
Sebastian got the big idea that he did not want to roll the barrel but offered up another behavior instead. He thought it was a good idea to pick up the barrel that he had knocked down earlier and stand it right side up again. This is where a critical choice can be made by the trainer on what to do next. Does she stay focused on what she wanted, put the barrel back on its side and ask for him to roll it, or does she understand that a magical thing is starting to take place? If you want to stay in that world, you start going along with him… and so a new game began. Sebastian, understanding that he had just taken over the dance, became very enthusiastic and then changed and the subject once again. He looked off into the distance with concern. Once you get to know horses and their behavior, you’ll begin to understand messages like this mean and Lila fell right in along with him as she gets it. So she joined in this new game of looking with him. But Sebastian had bigger plans. What he was doing was preparing Lila for their next adventure, which was taking flight and matching each others movements whilst they ran here and there together.
How it started was, Lila thought there was something that Sebastian was worried about that was distracting his attention from the barrel game, so she went with him to investigate what it was. Sebastian thought, good, she is playing right along. And that’s when the dance began.
This is a very tricky place, knowing just how to handle these spontaneous dances of connection because we need to be judicious and not create a monster through encouraging spontaneous interactions that allow the horse to constantly pull focus and dominate your time together. What happened next will illustrate what I mean.
After they investigated the area of concern at the other side of the arena, Lila took her leadership position back, marshalling all of the connection, willingness and partnership they had created together and asked Sebastian to trot quickly back by her side to the barrel spot. She asked him to assume his same position and she asked again for him to tip the barrel ride side up. He paused for a moment and looked at her as if to say I am not going to do this. She maintained a powerful focus and asked again, he looked in the direction of the grain, licking his lips and paused again. Lila, said “OK I guess you don’t want to play any more” and made an about face turning to leave, heading away from their location. Before she could get two feet, Sebastian tipped the barrel right side up. You see, Lila did give into him, which put Sebastian back to work which was a very valuable learning experience for both of them.
So, during this first two weeks as you are sitting with your horse in the first Ritual, bit by bit it will become natural to know how to create the connective dance as Lila did, rather than creating a horse to become arrogant and pushy. But you guys don’t have to worry about that right now. You will acquire this ability if you remember to take the first two weeks of sitting and reading your book and really paying attention to the environmental changes that happen within you and within your horse.
Have fun together and we’ll speak next week.
Carolyn
Related posts:
I read my earlier comment here and really didn’t understand why I wrote it. I must have been very tired as I have the bad habit of staying up after midnight. The story is wonderful and a great model to remember. Thanks Lila and Sebastian!
Dear Carolyn, what a beautiul post! Lots of Greetings from Africa
Kind regards Stina
I enjoyed this description very much of the interaction between Lila and her horse It is not easy to describe things that can not really be seen, like connection, but this was great. Cheers, Julie
It’s all about balance in the end always isn’t it.
You put it just right, Christian !
Best explanation yet, Carolyn
Hi Carolyn, Oh glorious day! The mini colt stallion that was difficult is now as sweet as pie ………. Sat. I had an amazing day I was sitting reading out loud when 2 horses came standing close like a captive audience they seemed to be listening. The next thing that happened thrilled me to no end, the stand off quiet mare came up to me breathed all over me , began to nibble I moved she then came back rested her head on the top of my head and slept there for about half an hour. It was drizzling rain but I was so at peace and filled with love that I could not move. What a joyous feeling. She is usually by herself and does not interact with the herd or with people….. Namaste Sherry insider circle
In-a-box student
Dear Carolyn,
Yes! This is exactly what is happening during out WHR#1 sessions! Sun has been offering up activities, such as stretching her front leg out and placing it on the chair (not when i’m sitting on it!) whilst tucking her head in – and holding her pose for a good 40seconds! Her energy was very calm and deliberate and I copied her moves with my arm. The other day I suggested we play peek a boo with the rain sheet (that she has often had difficulties standing still for putting on), she enjoyed the game and now she stands perfectly still!
Thanking you, as always,
joanna
Hey Robin #27,
love reading your posts on this! Glad there is someone else from down under here. I’m in Oz… not ‘in a box’ yet, but practising all the wr’s.
What I love about this, is that there is no ‘set’ method, or rules etc.
The greatest benefit I have got from it is learning the ‘concept’ of what the rituals do, then being able to explore the connection in my own way and adapt it to suit each particular horse/s in different situations.
Exactly what you’re describing! It’s all a fluid thing!
Here’s an example:
there is a ‘lost soul’ TB big bay gelding ‘Buddy’ where I have Hero. He’s 7yo, unridden (though I suspect he’s been in a barrier trial at some stage, as he has a calcification on his brow… old fracture, I guess, sigh!) he was bought, lunged, mouthed (god I hate that practise!) Then 2 different people got on & were surprised when he bucked/bolted. “Hopeless, send him to the dogs’ was the advice. So now he’s in limbo & I’m contemplating buying him.
I felt a kindness & sadness in him, so I spent some time ST, then quite soon he said hello.
In no time he was ‘in my face’ not rude really, but very ‘needy’.
By very gently asking for a step backwards, then raising a flat palm to him, he learnt how close is OK.
So far, in only 2 weeks, he lets me touch him all over, with my hands & my whip. He’s learnt to ‘show me’ his itchy spots with his nose (I love this!)
He will follow me happily & is getting quite good at halting at my shoulder when I stop.
Yesterday, as we walked together, I thought I’d try going up to a little trot. He looked concerned & walked away a little.
I clucked & led from behind (gently, gently) stopped, he stopped. I tried one more, then when I stopped, he swung round square to me & dropped his head. I bowed, asked him in & lavished him with scratches on his coronets (his very favourite!) I can also ask him to leave me now & he does so calmly.
Meanwhile, my boy Hero initially kept trying to come into the action, so I had to be careful… there had been some flat ears & argy-bargy!
But yesterday, after I had spent time with each of them, then asked them to leave, I asked both of them in.
They stood either side of me, relaxed. I stroked both faces & said ‘you guys should try to be friends’. The lovliest thing happened, they both stretched out & breathed each other. We stayed like that a few minutes, heaven!
So, there you go… all about learning to feel, then trust your instincts, I think.
Hope your duck shooters go away soon. I love how you are showing your horses that they don’t need to be quite so worried, leading by example in its purest!
Cheers & ki ora,
Moyna
hi carolyn and friends,
robyn in new zealand here, in a box.
it’s still duck shooting so everyone’s a bit jumpy.
i took tom (5yr andalusian x geld) away from the others today to s.t.
he trotted the fenceline anxiously looking for the others and the gun shots, and i worried i was doing the wrong thing, but tried to breathe, be calm and read.
after about 1/2 hr of sticking to reading, and him completely ignoring me and worrying, i tried like yesterday, to mirror him. after about 20 sec’s i dropped my energy and walked back to the hay. he stuck to me, dropped his head and nibbled a bit. yey.
we continued to check the fence and come back to relax. we both initiated changes. after about 15 mins i was tiring and decided to sit back down and read. he came right behind me and stood. then, trotted off to worry but returned straight away at trot or canter to stand quietly behind me. i felt like a mare and foal.
we returned the 300meters to his paddock at liberty, united and relaxed, even with the others calling him and running.
i know i seem to be mixing rituals but needed to meet him where he was, hope that’s ok.
thanks everyone, robyn
Hi group………frist let me say how much I love reading about how everyone is “getting it” and bonding with their horses – I can share with you personally the bond I have with my stallion is the most magical, wonderful, experience of my life!! I have spent three years of daily quite time and bonding with him yet each day is like a new experience and we are continually learning new things about each other as our relationship evolves. It really is a give and take – just like a human relationship… I have a question for you Carolyn – one of my dear friends is like me and has a stallion which she bonded with also – due to a personal tragedy she had to send him to a farm and has not seen him for 4 months – she is going to go see him in a couple of weeks and bring him back home – do you think he will be as close to her as when they parted? what is your experience of being separated from a horse once a close bond has been established and then reconnecting?
Laura
The ramifications of the first WH ritual are so cool I just have to share this morning’s adventure.
It is unseasonably hot in central Florida today. I brought Z (world’s neatest big grey TB) into the little paddock where we’ve been sharing territory these past weeks. I took my seat on the mounting block, as usual, and he stood over me, as usual, but maybe with less licking and more dozing than normal. We sat this way for about half an hour, both sweating lightly, as all my “walk tempo” songs played on my ipod. There is no morning shade in that paddock and the sun was very strong. When the “trot tempo” songs started to play, I decided to get out of the sun and experiment with trying to turn “sharing territory” into a mounted exercise.
I asked Z to stand by the mounting block, looped a line around his neck, and slid onto his back. He wore a fly mask but nothing else. I decided we would play this new game in a shady spot near a pond about 1/4 mile away. The grass there is just beginning to form seed heads, a real treat. There are also a lot of spooky fallen trees nearby, and dark shadows that usually make horses very “looky” when we ride there.
I decided that, once we got to the spot, all I would do is listen to music and concentrate on keeping myself perfectly balanced in the middle of the horse, totally in neutral, and think only about becoming a centaur. No interference with Z’s grazing decisions or choice of places to wander. No requests with my seat or the line around his neck to go splash in the water, or effort to prevent him if he wanted to drink, swim or even roll. This was going to be Z’s show as much as possible, consistent with safety, of course. I was just there to keep him company, sharing territory from above, so to speak.
Anyway, it was a delightful hour. Z picked up on the game at once when I relaxed my seat as we arrived in the shade near the pond. He grazed avidly, moving from patch to patch. He lifted his head when waterfowl landed and took off nearby, but relaxed as I stroked his neck and went calmly back to grazing, content in the moment. He never approached the water. I did nothing. Nothing! Just sat on his back feeling young (I am not) and incandescently happy (I was).
When other committments became pressing, I cued him with my seat that it was time to leave and he trotted gently back to the barn, head low, in that sweet little sugarfoot trot that makes western pleasure trainers drool and which Z has taught me is a natural gait for happy relaxed horses, even TBs.
Beautiful topic, so much to learn from all these responses!
Very busy two weeks, have unified the entire herd now, have an open corral with an area at the back closed off by posts – no horizontal poles – spaced too closely for horses to pass through, where we’re putting the office (we are writing a book). They can put their heads in but not pull books and papers away. Also lots of nice big boulders under trees where we can sit with the herd and share time. Had to take one very domineering horse away, he was proud cut and fighting the other males when a mare came into heat. Now the herd is tranquil, with little Capricho learning herd life for the first time. A lot of observation now ahead of us! Luckily although they have three hectares, the horses all love to hang out beside us. Happy family…
Hey Carolyn!
I just have to ask this, my mind is really working full-time finding a good and healthy solution!
I`m taking my 3 year old Arabian mare to a show in late May, and try to spend so much time with her (Sharing Territory) as possibly. But, then there is so many preparations that should be done, and I wonder if you have any tips to how to prepare to the show, and not ruin the bond we have? I know you have a lot of experience with showing horses, and also Arabians?
Zahira is scared of water, so how wash her? I have washed her legs many times now, and she is used to the hose and the sound. The whole body is another thing… An arabianhandler gave me a tip to just start doing it, and she`ll make peace with it if I don`t stop….because I knew that she had to be washed and that it`s not dangerous. Is this really the right way…?
Another thing is to learn how to make her stand in the right position, all stretched out in the body, the right (behind) leg standing in front of the left one, and the front legs more forward, and the neck well stretched! This is SO difficult, because we both don`t really know how to..! And I really just want her to have fun with in, and enjoy this training!
The last thing is how to make her “show off”, and not be “to much”? Last year she was all calm, and I think it was because that is the way we want it to be; calm and nice to other horses, and in peace with herself. Bit the she didn`t really show herself at her best… Now she is more of a teen, and have lot`s more energy. I think she will show herself better this time, but how can I make this be a fun thing? How can I control her to “show off”, then be calm? I think that safety is really important, and we`re gonna be so many people and horses in the ring at the same time…
I really hope you can give us some directions!
very funny ginny #8
love that story,
robyn
Dear Heather, 15
Do as much time as you can each and everyday. I thing most people are trying to get in 5 days a week for an hour or less. I like to give my horses 45 minuets to an hour a day. Sometimes I only have 15 minuets and that is very helpful in keeping the connection growing if I can put longer periods in as well.
hi carolyn and friends,
robyn here in new zealand, in a box. “duck season” story
it’s finally stopped raining so i raced out of bed, arranged for a ride with a new friend with an hour up my sleeve before- hand to sit with tom (5yr old andalusian x gelding).
i can see across the paddocks that my 3 are tearing around, working up a sweat under their covers….and bang…. duck shooting season has begun in the lagoon right next to their paddock, and the sounds are ricocheting along the mountains like terrifying thunder, and it sounds like war.
they canter up to me, looking back at the lagoon, desperate to get out of there. i decided to catch only the lead mare and let the others run free, as they clearly needed to move their feet and not be confined in their fear. this worked and we went quickly up to the big arena paddock, where i let the mare go too. obviously this glorious sunny day was not going to be a ride day and i let go of all plans and expectations! i just watched them for a while seeing what i should do.
they were hooning around this small paddock, reacting to the gun shots and moving in unison as a herd (this was interesting in itself watching simultaneous flying changes and 100% mirrored legs). my plan to separate tom would have freaked him out more so we all stayed together (i hope that’s ok carolyn) i didn’t want to sit down as they were so active and it would be dangerous.
cooper the 3 yr old colt couldn’t have cared less, and was happy to eat hay unbothered. but i wanted the other 2 to calm down, so decided to mirror them. i ran to the fence with them all alert, then dropped my energy and walked back to the hay and pawed it a bit. billy (the lead mare QH x hannovarian) stuck to me like glue and ate immediately, and tom stuck in behind her. eventually he dropped his head to graze and ate ferociously only around my feet! i split the hay right next to me so they could both eat with me. every gun shot we all looked intently, then i initiated relaxing and hay touching, which they both followed.
this way we wound down the fear and reaction, and found that they wanted and appreciated my leadership.
i then left them and did some groundwork with my friend’s horse instead of a ride. it was so satisfying! then i sat and read a book with them for an hour, splitting tom off with some tape. he just grazed and looked quietly at the lagoon. i’ve just come in for lunch (4 hours later) and feel great.
thanks everyone,
robyn
Hi Caroyn, Sherry Thomson again I forgot to put insider circle.
Hi Carolyn, I have found your cd most helpful, listening to it on my way to the farm. As I come up against problematic situations I intuitively tune into your cd and bingo I either gain confidence or answers. I have been dealing with a text book situation a mini yearling stallion . This winter he was very fearful but I gained his trust with treats and saying hello. Fast forward to WHR with the herd : Twilight on the first day was inquisitve but easily stepped away when asked . 2nd day a little more brave and even more inquisitive but still moved away easily. 3rd day he got rude and very bratty nipping at chair and my shoulder gently but I could hear you saying “he will eventually bite” with this behavior I stand up and he looks at me and steps forward I take another step and he stands firm. At this point I go behind him to lead him away from behind ,he whips around kicks up his heels and we are doing this little dance back and forth until I eventually get the message across that he is to move out of my space. ( or I would move out of his by hopping the fence) Yesterday he approched me in my chair as a sweet little guy still wanting to share my space breathing on me and playing around almost nipping but checking to see how far he could go. This time when I stood and took a step towards him he stepped back I praised him and he remained at my side grazing and just connecting. It feels so joyful to use the tools I have learned and have the results. Namaste Sherry
Hi, Mary again. I realize I didn’t really explain well what I didn’t understand about Lila and Sebastian.
“You see, Lila did give into him, which put Sebastian back to work which was a very valuable learning experience for both of them.”
This is the sentence that has me a little confused. Did she give in or did she change her approach, the game, and he then wanted to re-engage?
Hi Carolyn and All – This is interesting to me as well but from a different point. As many of you know I don’t have a horse and in both WRIC’s I have started off with a horse that I have short experience with compared to you who own horses and have long term experience. I didn’t really understand why what Lila did was a good and creative choice. And Carolyn I am a bit embarrassed to admit this! then I read the replies and I began to understand. I’d like to be able to enter into fun games with Commander and yet I realize that we don’t know each other well enough.
He has been very polite and is easily startled. He is a Standard bred and raced for many years, winning from what I understand! and he is extra alert to what is around him. A result I imagine from blinders but I don’t know.
Two days ago, when I went to get C, I had to drive off the rude and pushy pony that is one of the horses Commander shares a paddock with. I got very big and made huc huc noises and she went off and Commander split! The other horse there, who is not rude, wasn’t fazed at all.
Anyway, regarding boundaries and politeness, C is a gentleman. I have wondered if he would ever push the boundaries. Yesterday I was wrapped up in a blanket as it was quite cold and windy. C was hanging out with me and started sniffing me and examining me with more curiosity. He put his lips on one of my knees and slowly put more and more weight on it. Slowly pushing against it with his lips. I watched his lips slowly open and he tried to nip the blanket or my knee! All I had to do was say ah ah and he quickly stop.” Oh! he thought. I didn’t really know what that was! ”
I was actually glad to see this as he is the dominant/leader ( which confuses me in a herd of 3) and although nice he is very clear who is the boss. He does stand off often and look into the distance. But he also hangs out with the others too.
I also introduced the reed and he immediately left my area. He is afraid of it already.
I’d love to hear comments!
I’m fairly new to the waterhole rituals, having quite a bit of experience with traditional natural horsemanship methods. I’ve been wanting to take the relationship with my horses to a new level and have been enjoying reading Naked Liberty. I can see how focusing on sharing territory for a couple weeks to start with is a great idea but my question is just how much time spent doing that is ideal? An hour a day? A couple hours every other day? An entire afternoon or day when possible? I would guess the more time spent together the better, but my work schedule inhibits that a bit. Having a guide on how much time is ideal would give me something to shoot for so I can work on arranging my schedule to allow adequate time for it.
Dear Carolyn,
checking in…this is a great post. You’ve never explained as clearly as in this post with a hands-on example what this give-and-take of your notion of leadership looks like. It’s so clear why this is preferable to horses over the dominant/domineering approach of “you do what I say and period” of traditional horsemanship or even what some call “natural” horsemanship.
Have a great weekend.
Christian
Many thanks for this post (and all before for which I didn’t leave a comment or checked in lately).
I had a wonderful little insight, even though I knew about it and agreed already – I never really practiced it.
It was to change leadership in the ritual leading from behind. It evolved naturally with sharing territory. I just wanted to share 15 min territory before doing something with Saracen and it just happened that I went by his side first, then decided to lead him from behind, what he never really seem to like a lot – and from that I thought: it would be so natural to let him lead me too and as soon as we started the game he seemed to have a happy face and to enjoy that. We then did even sidewalks together in liberty, which he offered by himself!
It was a little break through in my own mind; somehow I still thought I have to hold on to specific rituals and wasn’t flexible and open enough to let it flow. So this story was a perfect encouragement for me to continue with it. It is so much fun to see the horse being more condfident and light hearted- and me too.
Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but as Caroline’s discussion points out, letting the horse set the agenda requires a fine judgment. It can easily become counter-productive, especially with very young or very dominant horses. One has to know the rules before one can break them, and this goes for horses too. Because they are so much stronger than we are, what is playful to them can be dangerous to us. As I understand it, empathy, understanding and mutuality are the tools of this wonderful method, but isn’t respect essential? In my experience, horses respect leadership, and crave it in humans. The line between following the horse’s inititive on one hand and abdicating your own leadership on the other (and thus diminishing the horse’s respect for you), is a very fine one. I don’t think there is any way but trial and error to learn how to stay on the right side of it, but (in my opinion) galloping down the road of following the horse’s ideas, without constantly assessing where it is taking you, can lead to undesired consequences.
The light of my life at the moment is a six week old palomino warmblood colt (named, by an odd coincidence, Apollo) who knows he is prince of the world. When we play, it must be my games, not his, or I would get hurt. My task is to pique his curiosity, elicit his participation in my ideas, and know before he does when his attention span is about to be reached so I can end the session with him still wanting more. That is what makes him outrun his Mom to gallop up to me first when I approach the gate. But his play must be tempered by manners, about which he does not yet have a clue. The nips and shoves he gives his mother with impunity are way too much for me already, and his strength is growing fast. Imbuing him with good manners without diminishing his curiosity and confidence is a constant balancing act.
just checking in, on ‘in the box’
i enjoyed that last note carolyn, and i kind of needed permission (to myself) to follow my nose!!
my andalusian x tom 5 yrs old is very connected and soft and is busting for more interaction. he’s just started walking away from me for the first time, so i’m taking it as a ‘great’ here’s tom coming through with some mild attitude, lets see what’s in there.
it’s rained more here in the last week and a half than it has in 3 years, so i’m not getting much time out there. i let him eat my reed though and we both enjoyed that. he’s super sensitive to any approach so it looked like a good place to start.
my rising 3yr old arab x colt cooper seems to be gaining confidence just from the work i’m doing with tom!! he came to my property lonely, sad and rigid. even his coat seems softer this week and he seems to want to hang out and joke with me (instead of ignore and tolerate me.) leaving him when he leaves me i think has changed something in him.
have you all seen the film ‘avatar’?? there’s a beautiful horse-human and nature-human connection in it, it’s worth seeing for that!!
hopefully a window of sunshine tomorrow,
robyn
Great post! This is also described very well and elaborate in Imke Spilker’s book ‘Empowered Horses’ (original German title ‘Selbstbewusste Pferde’), in fact the whole book is about this subject of letting the horse create it’s own playful education.
. Coming up!
I have a nice example myself, but no time right now to describe it
Dear Barbara,
Thank you so much for writing that response! You hit a lot of points for me and things are definitely making more sense. My sweet 17hh baby thinks he is a lap dog and will get as close as he can to me to cuddle and feel love. Of course it is wonderful to feel a bond but getting him out of my space can be a challenge and I think you are right about him needing to “see” me – he is so big and in my face that he misses all my signals.
I laughed when I read the “whose head is higher” game – Tristan does that ALL the time – it is his way of asserting his dominance and saying ” OK I’m done now, I’m boss”. If I can bring his head down lower than mine – suddenly I am boss again.
Thank you again for your response – I’m glad to see there is another Friesian owner out there who deals with the same things as me. If you ever post any videos on You Tube of you working with your Friesians do let me know – I’d love to see them.
Jess
Carolyn, I have found everything you’re saying here to be true. There is such joy and amazement when my horse offers to willingly make up a step or two of his own to our dance!
One of Oreo’s latest offerings when I happily allow him to make up his own steps to our dance is this: (My part came first on this particular dance, but his part was way more cool.) I began walking backwards and invited him to follow me going forward facing me and he came right along. We’d gone about 15 feet like this together when he began to slide gently into a sideways; I noted his change and was curious to see what he had in mind and continued my backwards walking. What he did was to continue walking and gradually maneuver his big TWH 16 hands body sideways and around so that he too was traveling backwards just as I was. What a thrill! I thanked him gratefully for thinking up such a fun new step and just today on the trail we practiced it while riding.
Hi Jess,
I am writing to share my experiences (so far) with regard to your post about sharing territory with your Friesian. I can only share about my own 17+hh, forward moving, ‘in your pocket’ (more like super-glued with velcro on top) Friesian plus two others I am closely associated with daily, as I am not an expert, but I thought maybe it would be fun to read what these Friesians have taught me, at least so far, about space. First, my Friesian needed to SEE me to know what I wanted. So I learned to stop waving my reed at his chest, and started sharing territory by sitting on the pipe corral and didn’t move to a chair on the ground until he knew about my four foot space boundary. If he transgressed even by one hoof, I got back up higher than him til he remembered my rule about space. So I had to change my thinking from horizontal to vertical to get my Friesian space thing going in the right direction. Second, all three Friesians stand closer to one another than they do with other horses, as in “you are my family so let’s get real close” — maybe in Friesland it is so darn cold that they have to be closer to stay warm, I just don’t know — but once observed, I decided not to be mistaken for a Friesian on that subject, much as that would be flattering philosophically. Third, I noticed that the Friesian greeting ritual is this cute little game of ‘whose head is higher’ so I played that game (which involves trickery and lots of hours sitting on the pipe corral) and it worked — winning with a higher head and tricking the other into lowering their head even for one second meant that my Friesian lowered his like a greased periscope to find me down below and see what I wanted. In other words, finally I had his attention instead of him acting like I didn’t matter or he didn’t understand what I was asking. Losing this game means he could care less about where you are or what you want because you are literally and figuratively ‘lower’ which was scary when it came to space. I am a Friesian fanatic so I cannot say if this is a horse game in general or more about Friesians but height definitely matters and the lightbulb accidentally went on about deep bonding and respect with my Friesian accidentally when I got up on a ladder and stood over him for hours grooming his mane. Of course it was the time and the grooming but I also figured out that I was above him and over him no matter what he did which many people can do with normal horses just standing on the ground with the horse’s relaxed neck but not with a big Friesian like mine. I guess if I was a little foal it would make me feel safe, but overall, being taller than your Friesian gets his attention enough to get him off of you and start listening to your horizontal requests, or at least that worked with mine. Finally, Carolyn’s advice long ago about starting with larger objects (like my long dressage whip) and sensitizing my horse to something smaller (like the reed) has resulted in 1) making me look like I work for the WWF as a Xena warrior princess character after one year’s time since ‘large’ in Friesian human interactions means gargantuan human aerobic/isometric workouts that definitely build muscles, and 2) making my horse look like a mind-reader since almost nobody can see that the body movements reduced and refined over time to create space and other neat things with my horse are sometimes pared down to little tiny twitches. It took a year of spending many hours each day starting large and high and slowly slowly SLOWLY going smaller and lower. Some days are better than others. Anyway, the progression from feeling intimidated to being charmed and in awe of the Friesian mind overall has been amazing so far. Enjoy!
very inspiring! thank you.
Great lessons. Checking in and enjoying the “In the Box” program.
Dear Carolyn,
This is a very important post in my opinion. The value of this anecdote about Lila and Sebastian is that it gives a real-life demonstration of the practical application of “horse sense”.
Lila understood the likely consequences of the options she had, and so she allowed the horse to change the agenda to encourage his creativity and enhance his confidence; she harmoniously took back leadership and got his cooperation in “trot with me now” ; offered him another game; and when he was thinking about taking over again, she walked away, which instantly captured his cooperation again. She allowed self-expression from Sebastian, but she did not allow him to alter the focus. Pretty smart I’d say.
Bonnie
This makes me think of how these things transition into riding as well. I do mostly trail riding and often my mare will ask me to go in a certain direction when we come to a cross roads or if I only have time for a short ride she will ask to stay out longer by stopping when we head back toward the house. It is mostly a very subtle polite way of asking and she is fine when I ask her to keep on in the direction I would like, but sometimes it is done in a way that is a bit to bold. It is my job to know when to let her have her say and when not to. She is the type of horse that will occaisionally test her boundaries just to make sure I am paying attention.
She is funny though. When she gets to assertive about what she wants and I don’t think I want to oblige, she will swish her tail, make a little squeel, sometimes stomp one foot and then walk off in the direction I am asking in a soft easy going manner. She just needs to let me know she would rather go the other direction.
We are constantly having conversations when we are together often with eyes when I’m on the ground. She will look back at me too if I am riding and she is unsure about what I am asking her to walk into. I absolutely love her for that. A horse that feels OK about asking questions and knows how to in my mind is a wonderful thing. I don’t feel at all that it is a bad thing in any way. It’s just how we handle it at that given moment.
Hi Carolyn,
oh yes, this is such a helpful lesson!
By exploring the rituals, I have slowly come to learn that with Hero, my rising 3yo Gypsy Cob, that when he wants to ‘take over’ the game & be a ‘wild teenager’ I simply say ‘game over’ & walk away. It is his decision then to understand that he has crossed my boundary & must be more polite if he wants to continue the game. This passive way has stopped him from trying to ‘play-bite’ me when we have our running, jumping game! Hooray!
Thanks for all the wonderful insights,
Moyna
Hi Carolyn,
Great post – thank you. I feel like I could do a lot with your suggestions. I have a very “in your pocket” coming 3 year old – 17hh Friesian X – I’ve noticed from others videos on youtube that they can just shoo their horses away with their hands – it takes a lot more for me to get Tristan to move out of my space… any suggestions?
Jess