Rude and Polite Behavior With Horses – Continued
Mar 11th, 2010 by Carolyn
Horses respect politeness so much that when a horse corrects rudeness in their herd, they feel a deeper connection for the horse that pointed out their anti-social behavior. The most polite horse has many friends and a lot of respect. They have a lot of power because they know how to stay out of the way when another horse is not receptive to interaction or sharing space. They also know how to turn that energy around, how to develop a relationship, how to change another horse’s attitude and how to court a horse with a dominant attitude.
I use the Waterhole Rituals in the same way a lead horse goes about developing friendship, developing the bond, changing a dominate horse’s attitude and helping a fearful horse to feel more personal power.
Relationships are paramount to the well-being of horses. The connections and battles they share are enjoyed. Just like we would rather sometimes scrap with one another than really find a solution.
It is been my pleasure over the years to see many herds where every horse is a lead horse and they share a different rank position as needed to fit the circumstances. In these herds there is no more battles because all the horses respect and follow the rules I wrote about, in long time herds the fights are over. For these horses, the young coming up keep the dynamics alive and exciting because they will turn into social rule breakers as they begin to mature. This unity and harmony could not be gained without the evolutionary experience of learning social behavior. The young must adjust to fitting in and learning how not to be rude, how to lead, how to follow and how to keep their own personal needs met without being rude.
As humans we need to play many parts, sometimes we are the leader, sometimes the student, sometimes the teacher, sometimes the follower and sometimes the banished. If you focus on the practice of the Waterhole Rituals all these roles lead to a perfect working bond in harmony and unity. You will discover a magnetic connection as the outcome.
To take a closer look at understanding politeness and rudeness, we must go back to the wild, into a herd of horses and look deeply into their culture.
When a foal is born, he is born polite. He does not intend to make any changes in his environment or see any reason to do so, his ego is not formed. So, he listens to his instincts. His instincts keep him alive, safe, and likable in the herd he is born into. The way he operates is to move away for anything that approaches him and to move toward anything that is leaving him. (This is a good practice for people who can share space in a herd).
These two responses carry a lot of social protection and politeness. It was how I stayed safe and connected with the wild horses I studied throughout my life, especially when I was a child. I kept my distance and followed them. Communities of horses adjusted to my presence naturally from following the first simple rule of politeness. Dominant aggressive horses really respond well to courting them in this manner.
This is the most polite way to be in a herd of horses. A new horse that enters a herd will be pushed by many members because the members of the herd want to see that the new horse is going to be able to fit in with them. They are checking to make sure that he has a good attitude that can show respect. Horses can read the intent of other horses most of the time and will get very aggressive with a new horse if they feel that the new horse could possibly turn into a horse that would not conform to the community needs. If the new member allows all the other horses to push it around, the horse then gains acceptance trust.
It is paramount to achieve this trust and acceptance before training horses and it needs to be gained by starting out in a passive manner, the same way a foal starts his life in a natural herd.
Using round pens and tack to develop bonds does not take a passive position with the horse. Taking a passive position in the beginning is essential to develop a bond as close as the bond that horses have with each other. The practical reason for this kind of bond is to bring out a true friend and to bring out the best qualities of the horse and his ability to work as a united team with you in harmony. The connection you want to gain is a magnetic connection on the ground because it will translate to a centaur connection when you ride.
There is no better dance or performance.
Have a great weekend.
Carolyn
P.S. I heard from Mark that he will be sending out the email about how you can ‘be my voice’ next week. Watch this space…
Related posts:
Greetings, Carolyn and friends. I am new to this blog and this way of thinking about my relationship with our horses. It is wonderful, it resonates with everything I have experienced up to this point. I have been a student of a well-known natural horsemanship program, and continue to be grateful for, and learn from, that system. The WHR takes everything to the next level, it is truly “horse-centered” thank goodness! No more making the right thing easy and the wrong thing difficult, which is just another way of refusing to give the horse a real choice.
Thank you!
I have your book and dvd and practice all the waterhole rituals well.
this last blog confuses me. the passive position you are speaking of…this must be the first ritual, but the part i do not understand is the community of horses pushing the new horse around. are you saying that we are the new horse coming into the community of the horse and his paddock? and we are being passive by simply moving the chair away from him is he is too aggressive while we are practicing the first ritual?
I just came in from “sharing territory” with my 4 year old filly. I took a chair and a horse magazine into the corral. She came up to investigate. We hung out a bit, then I had to back her away a little because she thought that nibbling on my toes was fun. (I thought it rude.)
Dear Celia, 53,
Looks to me you have a wonderful relationship. Let me know how it turns out. When razing horses and children we do what we can and hope for the bets. I have no hard and fast rules for you at this. I generally only suport and suggest.
YOu will make good choices and bad choices and the working bond with grow because of your mistakes and your good decisions.
I do not know if your horse will learned to pull or not but you will find out soon. What you share with me in a your tube gives me a clearer picture in what is happening with you and your horse. What you are describing to me may look diffrent to me if I saw a you tube.
Hi Caroliine,
This post was really great. I was able to spend time with the horses and doing the WHR this weekend playing with all three of my horses and was quite amazed at the different responses from each.
You wrote “As humans we need to play many parts, sometimes we are the leader, sometimes the student, sometimes the teacher, sometimes the follower and sometimes the banished. If you focus on the practice of the Waterhole Rituals all these roles lead to a perfect working bond in harmony and unity. You will discover a magnetic connection as the outcome.” And that was my focus in the time spent with them – Being sensitive, discerning, and and responsive.
What was really interesting was that yesterday, I knew that I was not in the right frame of mind to work with the horses so I thought that I would just go out in their pasture sharing territory, reading a book. Ordinarily as soon as they spot me, they all come up to say hello and spend time. I must have put off some bad vibes; they didn’t even come up! What an eye opener for me! It reminds me of the saying ” Girl, don’t be bringing your stuff to me.” I was the banished one. What a lesson in attitude.
Thanks again for your wonderful posts.
Hi Carolyn
These posts are really helping me become more sensitive to MY rude behaviour, as well as my horses!
I had to make a sudden choice re about leading and following yesterday and I’m not at all sure what the “correct” response would have been.
After sharing space and while companion walking my youngster drifted a few steps to lean emphatically over the gate at the bottom of the field, through which we sometimes return from journeys in the outside world. I was won over by how clearly he made his request, and that he actively wanted us to leave the others.
I don’t believe he felt he became leader by merit of my agreeing because he stood so carefully intently watching while I made an impromptu collar and lead and with only a piece of string to direct him we walked, trotted and grazed at my signal.
Although it went well and I felt it increased our kinship I am interested in knowing whether you disapprove of indulging suggestions with young horses particularly, and maybe there are consequences in the longer term.
Looking forward to the next post.
Kirsty
Hello,
Checking in and realy appreciated this topic. I went back through the archives and read the natural horsemanship and working at liberty.
I found this most recent on so valuable…. yes, what behavior to accept as one moves along and the bond gets strong, the behavior changes and the horse becomes more dominant to express the desire to be in-charge. This discussion clearly set forth the AH Ha!! of the need to work through the watering hole sessions. rude horses what i call spoiled horses such as spoiled or rude students or children. They have not been modeled or taught the manners. Just as children need to learn manners, so do our animal friends. It is not damaging, It is through love and discipline that brings the positive results. We are often afraid to ask the horse to go away because we worked hard at getting them to bond. Yet, in the language of the horse. We are just telling them, stay our of my space. It is a safety issue for both you and the horse.
Thank you so much for shedding the light on this topic!! as well as Natural horsemanship
Celia
The horses have been in the last couple days because it has been raining and is terribly muddy outdoors, and only in the 40′s. This afternoon I went out to spend time with Yowahtee in the indoor arena and let him stretch his legs. I have been spending much time with him and we did some companion walking after a short time. However, I have had trouble sending him away from me and have been focusing on the first and second rituals. Today, I thought free lunging might be nice for him, especially since he has been in his stall for a couple days.
I have tried to send him away before with the go trot motion in the WHR video, after doing companion walking, but he just looks at me. He will back up for me, move his hip, etc…but even with a whip in my hand, he stays near me like in companion walking. A friend had free lunged her horse before mine and I asked her for some tips, but she only need to snap the whip on the ground for her horse to go.
I went to the side of Yowahtee and tried to send him away, he came closer, so I made a small snap of the whip, realized I had backed up, and moved forward, snapping it again, with my arm open pointing a direction, he pawed a hoof at me~! which turned on big energy in me, pure position assertive energy and I moved to him snapping, opening my arm to the side telling him to go very definitively and he finally went! I put the whip behind me and wandered while he cantered around, eventually he looked at me with both eyes and I invited him to greet me, he came and I gave him a carrot. Now this was fun, because he caught on quickly and I did not hardly need to even show the whip and he would go, paying attention and return when invited. We did this several times. Each time I would reward him with a carrot.
I then put some carrots in a feeding tray and placed it in the arena. He became pushy and I sent him out, it took him awhile to figure out he needed to forget the carrots, and he then returned to me and we walked to the carrot bowl in companion walk…he got pushy again and I sent him away without a carrot. After a couple times, he was paying attention and would come to me, companion walk with me, walk to the bowl and halt, or even back up if I moved my arm back when getting the carrot from the bowl. The last time, we arrived at the bowl, he halted and I then moved the bowl to him and let him finish them.
It was feeding time, so I groomed him while he was munching hay after being fed.
I really felt like this was a breakthrough for us. We spend much time together, just being, sharing territory, walking, saying hello, etc…but tonight, when he pawed at my request to go, I had not yet earned the respect of leader. I think this changed tonight, and am just amazed at all the insight I am gaining. Now I must remember the energy feeling and learn from it to maintain my step towards a closer bond with him. Just fabulous! and I know there is a lifetime of learning and that this will continue to be a fascinating journey.
I love using the rituals every visit, even if it is just sharing territory and saying hello, whatever the day brings with where we each are in the moment. It is so much more about being in the moments than arriving with an agenda. It is wonderful to find myself on this journey. It is changing me, and my relationships – animal and human:)! My poor husband, I found myself backing up as he came at me with a request the other night like I worked for him and I realized it and stode forward confidently holding my ground, not inviting the attitude – changed the whole atmosphere…so interesting!
Thank you!
Connie
Dear Kerrie,
The fist one.