Sometimes Allowance Works And Sometimes It Does Not
Jun 29th, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
For people who are just coming to the site, this is a sample of a lesson that you will experience when you join the Insiders Circle and In-the-Box programs. I am sure you will see, from the comments that my students leave, the kinds of benefits you can enjoy through my programs. If you would like to ask any questions about the courses, please feel free to leave them in the comments section found at the bottom of this post.
There are two separate abilities that help you with horses: one is how to train a horse to do something and another is getting a horse to perform what he has been trained to do. Many people are good at one and not so good at the other. If a horse is trained well in the beginning, it is easier to get him to do what he has been trained to do than having to train the horse from the start. Becoming a horse trainer takes years of practice working around horses and getting guidance from others. I find that the greatest skill to have working with horses in regards to performance is keeping a horse at his best once he has been trained. When you work around horses, you soon learn that it’s all about your choices in when to lead and when to allow your horse to lead, and the consequences of those choices. This is true whether you are training a horse or asking him to perform.
Working with a horse at liberty can be difficult because the horse can control the trainer in what he chooses to do. And yet, it appears that training at liberty is quite easy to do, based on the results of the Insider Circle program. We are at a juncture in the Insider Circle course, where people are now beginning to enjoy Liberty Dancing with their horses. When they came to my course, many students had just the basic ability to work with an uncomplicated horse and a knowledge of how to read their horse’s intentions and feelings. These same students have been able to successfully train their horses to dance with them at liberty. They are reporting big changes in the attitude and willingness of their horses, and an increase in overall well being, all of which they attribute to the practice of the Waterhole Rituals
The reason I am calling attention to all these aspects of training is to prepare you as you are going forward to put your focus on how to build upon and maintain the great foundation you have developed with your horses so far. I give you a simple formula to help.
Formula for your daily focus:
Sometimes allowance will buy you resistance and sometimes a willing horse.
I would like the class to share with me a decision you have made that worked for you and your horse where you allowed your horse to do what he wanted to do in the moment, and how that decision increased your horses performance and bond, and an example of another time when you did not allow the behavior, and how that decision helped you gain a better performance and connection.
An example for me was the other day when I was working with a very smart horse here at the ranch. I put a neck rope on him for the first time and he decided to run off. In this instance, I did not stop him—I allowed him this behavior. When he came back, he was fine with working in the neck rope and the line that was attached to it. If I had fought him on this point, he would have become more set on resisting the line. A little later in the session, the same horse wanted to do tricks and get a reward. I made a choice in that instance that he needed to listen to me rather than offer the tricks he wanted to perform. So, I stopped the games until he lost the enthusiasm and became more connected to me. This took some time but when he surrendered to my focus, his performance at liberty was breathtaking. Usually I advise people to go with the enthusiasm of the horse to keep up the energy and focus, but you can allow this too much and in doing so create a horse that has a habit of changing the subject and who thinks he is running the program, and this was what was beginning to happen with him.
As you look at these examples, don’t see them as guidelines to follow but rather as insights or keys to help you in noticing that in the moment, there are right responses to make with a horse that only you can make. How to hone your skill and grow this ability at noticing which allowances bring you a better bond and performance and which ones create resistance and unwillingness, is to make note of your choices and how they are working for you or against you. Remember, what works for you one day won’t necessarily work for you the next. Sometimes allowance will buy you resistance and sometimes a willing horse.
In the comments section, please give an example of how your choices in when to allow and when to not allow brought you a better connection, bond and performance, so others in the class can learn from your experiences.
Carolyn
No related posts.
Hello!
What great stories! Here are mine:
Allowing a Behavior: Today when I was riding bridleless, Maia became spooked at the far end of the arena, turned, and cantered all the way back to the gate. It was the first long bridleless canter we’ve had. I simply rode with it and gave her no suggestion that it was the wrong thing to do. This seemed to surprise her, she became more connected, and offered multiple canters later on in the session!
Not Allowing a Behavior: In the same riding session, I asked her to go through a large puddle, and she wanted to turn and leave. I persisted in asking her again and again and she soon went through. After that, she was happier about the water and voluntarily went through part of the puddle another time or two.
Blessings,
Hannah
Hello Carolyn,
This is my example of allowing my horse to choose.
Cid got to choose what we focused on during this course.
If you had asked me 24 hours before this WRIC course started what I thought we might need to be spending a lot of our WHR time doing all the various exercises with a food bucket would have been way down on my list.
The morning the course started Cid threw his first temper tantrum (for want of a better description) about me asking him to wait before he ate some hay. In hindsight that was a bit of an unreasonable request on my part. He then threw another temper tantrum a couple of weeks later about being asked to move away from his feed bucket. He threw a third tantrum last Wednesday. The first two temper tantrums resulted in the general focus of WHR sessions we have been doing since mid May being based around feed buckets.
In the 10 1/2 years I have had Cid I have usually seen one tantrum every 6 months and for the last 3-4 years it has been one tantrum every 12 months. All his tantrums have been based around access to food and there is a seasonal pattern to them. Three temper tantrums in a few weeks is highly unusual for Cid, especially at this time of year. Between the start of the course and now I have seen quite a few other “strange” – for Cid – behaviours around feed and feed buckets.
If I had had my way I would have been looking at extending what we could do with leading from behind, companion walking and liberty dancing in the “doing” part of the WHR. Cid had other ideas so we have spent most of “doing” and quite a bit of the “being” part of this course on exercises based around his food bucket.
I did the In a box course last year but I did not do a lot of the feed bucket exercises with him then because I really did not know what to do about the behaviours that resulted when I tried them right at the end of the course. I coped (just) at the time but how to use, develop, change and whether or not to encourage what happened last year I was really unsure about.
I have found that if I just wait, eventually a way that might work or that might increase my understanding of what I need to do just presents itself. If I dont act when I should after waiting one of my horses steps up to shove me in the right direction – Cid has been shoving me in the right direction since this course started.
With the temper tantrums and all the other odd behaviours Cid had been exhibiting during this course I had decided to “file the feed bucket issues again and wait” just before the last call with Carolyn. I had been obsessing about it for weeks (after – not during – my time with Cid) and I was getting more and more confused about what was going on. Just prior to the last call I had results that looked promising but I had no idea how they had happened, what it was I needed to continue with or repeat, or where any of it might lead. It was time to quit with the obsessing about Cids behaviours around food, file it and let it percolate again. Or so I thought.
Consequently I was not planning to talk about food issues at all during the last call, what I wanted to discuss was our then almost non existent gas pedal. But I found the first words out of my mouth when it is my turn to talk to Carolyn were about feed buckets and Cids behaviour around feed buckets. I end up finishing that discussion with more homework to do that is based around feed buckets.
A couple of things Carolyn honed in on during that discussion really pushed my buttons and I was finally able to see where all of these food issues might be taking Cid and I and why Cid has been making sure (via his temper tantrums and other odd behaviours) that I dont just file away the feed bucket behaviour topic again.
I went out last Wednesday to start exploring why my buttons had been pushed so strongly by what Carolyn had said and just what I could and could not do without fear. I did not get to do that, Cid had his temper tantrum before I started and when it was over 40 minutes later it had started to rain and I had to get back inside before I turned into an icicle.
I got the answer to the issue that has been bugging me for over 3 years now during/after that last temper tantrum of Cid’s. How to allow a horse to get huge in terms of the energy he generates and not react by going up against him with a similar energy level on my part. I also learnt how to feel quite OK and still be/stay safe while the horse does all that without having to use my energy bubble as a defensive weapon. Cid and I were quite disconnected during most of this latest tantrum, at least it felt that way to me. My reaction in the past has always been to get huge energetically in response to horses getting huge when they are not connected with me at all. That has always resulted in a battle between us – whatever horse it was I did this to. That approach has kept me from being physically hurt on all but one occasion in the past, it has not kept me from being frightened at the time those things happened.
This time round I probably got more kicks aimed at me last Wednesday than the total number of kicks Cid has aimed at me in the last 10 1/2 years. Cid has yet to connect with any of those kicks – the closest he has gotten is about 2 feet away. All the kicks aimed in my direction last Wed were at least 20 feet away from me. This particular tantrum also went on a lot longer than his past tantrums. He got to do all that without feeling like he was wrong to do it. When I go up against a horse energetically they are definitely in the wrong as far as I am concerned. I can usually get some more respect by going up against them that way but I dont recall ever having a stronger connection as a result of doing it. I have gone up against Cid in every one of his tantrums except this last one. This time round it was very different and that was obvious the next time I walked into their paddock a few hours later.
Cid is even more willing to be with me. He has walked up everytime I have gone out there since to say hello rather than waiting to be approached. We have also had the two longest companion walks we have done where there was no sense or feeling of “I am only doing this because I have been taught to do it and I know there will be consequences if I dont do it” coming from Cid. He was taught stick to me just after I got him in 2000 and all of our companion walking up until the last few days has had some element of that “I have to do this” feeling coming from him. Not a lot because I have tried a lot of things since 2003 to remove or change that feeling, (including quite a few thousand hours of sharing territory), but there has always still been some of it left there. I would never have thought that what we have been doing in the last few weeks would be a part of a solution to that “i am doing this because I have to” companion walking issue. It had also never really occurred to me that the boundaries I had set up and taught myself to use automatically were a part of it either.
What I learn when I allow my horses to set the agenda continues to amaze me.
Leanne
(insider circle student)
By allowing my mare to show me where she wants to go because something is attracting her attention there, we develop our bond deeper. She likes me sharing her places of interest and concern, the two of us truly feel sharing the moment, time and space then. She loves me allowing her to speak up so to say, to propose: Tina: let’s check out this or that, let’s look in that direction, let’s go for a drink.
But the same thing can be the wrong thing to do as I experienced with one of my horses – he became so used to being the one proposing directions that he after some time would shoot towards a nice spot at a canter when trail riding. I had overdone the allowance thing. And he became a much more happy horse when I finally began to give him more guidance and borders – with quiet consistency.
It feels right to be allowing the horses ideas when I can build them into my own plans. The horses feel as i they choose my plans themselves then. There has to be a balance between allowance and borders.
Hello Carolyn,
I sat in my blue canvas camp chair sharing territory with Elmo for a spell, and then I wanted to sit on the ground by a spot where he lays down. I hoped he would lay down with me. Usually, I would put the chair away, but this day I left it. Soon after I sat down Elmo knocked the chair over. I started to get up and move the chair, but I changed my mind and didn’t. In about a minute Elmo sat the chair back up. I immediately got him a carrot and then sat back down on the ground. He again knocked the chair over and in a few minutes he started flumbling with it trying to sit it back up. He almost got it, but he really tried and I got him a carrot anyway. I returned back to my sitting spot, but remained standing. Elmo remained standing by the chair looking at me. I sat down and again he knocked the chair over and then stood it back up. Another carrot reward. I allowed him to play with the chair and he made up a fun game.
My example of allowance that didin’t work out well is when loading Elmo into the trailer I started allowing him to look back at the yard. He soon started looking back at the yard sooner and sooner, and then he no longer wanted to load. So, I gently stopped him from looking back at the yard and he once again self loads with no delaying.
Hi Carolyn,
I am sorry to have missed your call last week. I am currently between homes, waiting for my new home to be buit and I am staying with friends also my daughter just had a new baby and I am preparing to retire from my current job to work full time with the horses yahoo !!!!! I felt that through these transitions the best I could offer my herd was to ST with them and give them everything and ask for nothing. In doing so I have been able to forge such an amazing BOND/TRUST and CONNECTION. We are family now,it’s incredible. The last call with you I shared a story where I offered healing to one of the herd and the other members of the herd joined in. The other day a friend of mine who is a Shaman came to visit the farm, the evening before he came as gathered with the for scratches nuzzles and the like I explained that I would be bringing a guest to the farm who was not used to horses I asked them to be respectful and come one at a time to say their hello’s . The next day I could not believe it as they all came in single file to say hello just as they had been doing with me since the beginning of our course. My friend was so impressed and commented that the horses behaved as though they had been prepped for his visit. Yesterday I took my new grandson to the farm and the same thing happened I presented him to them, they each took a turn breathing on him saying hello. I also had an incidence last w-e where I had the little colt out he became rather fearful as I believe it was his first time out of the paddock since he was weaned and his mother was given away. He was quite a handful and broke his halter ring causing him to be free, the herd in the paddock always keeping a watchful eye on me saw what happened and they all came to the fence calling Twilight who went straight to them and remained quiet while I re- connected the lead line and he was fine. I thanked the herd profusely and deposited T back in his paddock. All was well. So, even though I may not be as advanced as every one else in the course, in my own way I am making advances that are good for me right now….. Thanks for all of your wonderful wisdom . Namaste Sherry
Insiders circle
Ok, i remember a time when allowance didnt work. i was taking my horse Shaz on a trail walk w/a 45 ft rope and allowing him to decide how far away from the herd we could get. I should have noticed him getting faster and tense and he got to the top of a hill and froze as he looked at the neighbors dog and I should have been ready, but he spun and bolted and i had to let go of the rope because i didnt know if it was going to wrap around his legs. so i headed back to the herd and he ran around a bit and came to us, but he could have been hurt. i should have started back to the herd when i noticed him getting tense.
now a time when allowance improved the connection. I was going to play the hay circle game w/Shimmer my young playful colt in my arena, but he was not imterested in eating. he was smelling everything and picking up cones and carrying them around and bringing them to me and shaking them around. so i started carrying around cones and bringing them up to him and shaking them. then we took turns carrying aroound his deflated ball and doing the same. he got this brightness in his eyes and seemed to say, “yeah, you like this, too!”
Insider Circle Student
Dear Carolyn,
Here is a simple story of my allow and do not allow. One evening this week I had plans to take Micah for a trail ride. However when he came into the 3-sided shelter which they can freely leave, he was rather dreamy and sleepy and was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. I changed my plan to doing some grooming and detangling of mane and tail with a spray on product. Micah didn’t want me to spray the product at the top of his forlock. He walked away but didn’t leave. I asked him to come back and he did. No tack was used. I went on to other areas of his body and kept coming back to the forlock. I allowed his refusal a few times. But then began to ask for more cooperation. Before long he was so relaxed with me that he allowed the spray and enjoyed my slow finger detangling process. I even did some Uberstreichen with my hands lightly on either side of his nose and doing small circles and figure 8. The first time he allowed himself to go with my movements. It was lovely.
I also observed an allow and do not allow between Moon (lead horse) and Micah. Moon can flick an ear and Micah will move out Moons way in a hurry. But yesterday I observed Moon wanting to go past Micah and instead of using his authority he slowly and sweetly pushed Micah (who was slightly dozing) a step at a time til he got past him. I love observing how Moon uses his position of lead horse. He teaches me a lot.
Have a wonderful weekend
Regina
Dear Carolyn;
I am not in your “Insider program” or the “in the box” programs, but I would like to know more about them. I found your website too late to get in either class, but I have intently read your whole blog from beginning to end and continue to read every day. I get inspired by your blog every morning before going and starting my day with Key. I am very enthusiastic about joining at least one of your next class sessions. I will be ordering your DVDs and books in the near future. I would also like to know when your next book with be finished on the WHRs so I can be one of the first to order. Thank you again for your blog.
In-a-box-student
Dear Carolyn,
Thank you kindly for your recent calls (as part of the current programme), so many issues raised were relevant to where Sun and I are. I would like to offer an update and share with people not currently on the programme:
This time last year Sun did not like being brushed or touched in most ways and I didn’t push it. Over the last month or so, since developing my understanding of the rituals, I have felt a stronger connection and trust our bond more. i felt confident to increase the intimacy by following your suggestions and grooming and being affectionate to Sun whilst she eats, and to have her eat out the bucket on my lap and showing how useful I can be swatting flies off her! Under the guise of swatting flies I included lots of massage and body to body breathing together. I spent an entire, hot day ‘at her service’, showing her that she could come to me and I would relieve her of flies, and the closer she stayed, the longer I massaged her, the more flies got swatted. Now she is converted and can’t get enough of me touching her; seeking me out as soon as i arrive at the barn and initiating massage sessions, even on non fly days. However, she quickly started to become rude with it and shoved her neck into me demanding I rub her or swat a fly! So, now I am working with politeness around massages and disallowing the demand but offering her a swat if she is poite but not at the second she demands it, and not each time. It is working out really well and she understands fully. Now we are so much more bonded than before when she didn’t think I could offer such an enjoyable! Physical barriers between us are breaking down.
The one month old baby in the herd now copies Sun and runs to me to swat flies, and stamps her tiny hoofs when I stop scratching her when she wanted more! I don’t send her away but walk away myself. I danced in a circle with her the other day, which involved reciprocating her energy to jump in the air, and it was magical, and I hope to repeat it on film to share, one day!
Thank you, as always,
Joanna
I have been working with my companion (to my horse) pony, Rainey, while I also work with Snowy. Rainey has had a tendency to bolt past me when I have let him out of his run-in area to walk into his night stall. To stop such potentially dangerous behavior, I had trained him to go into the run-in shed and wait for me to come get him and walk him holding his mane into the night stall. I think he felt ashamed of having to have to go into the shed and wait for me so he has started offering to stand behind the pipe corral gate instead. He waits patiently until I open another pipe corral gate (which is a struggle), and then come to get him. He seems to know that I have changed to pattern for him (he will still fo into run in the run-in shed and wait if I ask), and seems very proud of the change in procedure. He seems so much smarter now.
hello,
I would love to receive some information on your in the box program.
Thanks,
Anna
xxx
Examples of sometimes allow and sometimes not:
Yesterday I had a chance to work with my horses after not having done much for past two weeks. I walked them individually down the street 3 or 4 blocks where I have the borrowed approx 2 acre field. I had been walking them together recently. Dakota is the “whoa” horse and Magnum is the “go” horse. So I first went with Dakota and did walk, trot, halt transitions and he did beautifully with just my body language and voice. Went into the field and did some hello, leading from behind, companion walking, and a few other things, not spending a lot of time on any one thing. I could see he wanted to lay down so I made it MY ask and he did it. Then I asked once again and he also complied. Then I paused and he started to graze and I asked him to come. When he did not, I got him to raise his head and asked again 2 or 3 times, not allowing the grazing till he came to me. I did this a few more times while increasing the distance. His desire was to graze and mine was to not have him ignore my asking to come. Treats were used during the process. It worked so well, I then had a horse who did not want me to leave. But I left to go get Magnum with whom I repeated part of the process, not all, due to time constraints. But when I asked him to come, he immediately came gaiting from a distance.
Then when it came time for me to bring them in for dinner, it was a different story. Our rainy season started two weeks ago and it has already rained 8″, so grass is already lush along side the street. I’ve always brought them in together at nite and for some time only using the lead rope around neck with no fuss. In the morning I take them down with halters. But both of them wanted to continue their grazing. I would no sooner get Magnum head up and ready and then Dakota would pull the rope out of my hands, telling me “No, I’m not ready.” After about the 4th time of tugging on that neck rope, he reared up (rather beautifully, I might add) and then took off up the street. So I said , “Ok, fine”. Then I just followed with the easy guy, Magnum under my control, and simply kissed Dakota to move along when we caught up to him. I knew he would stop at the house which he did, but when I opened the door to go in, he left again. I said once again, “Ok, fine” and walked inside with Magnum and then Dakota came trotting in after us.
So today, I took them individually again and did our transitions and allowed grazing along the way and when I simply said, “Let’s go”, both of them did so without any tugging or pulling each time asked. We also had another great session in the field.
Now I’m just waiting for the rain to stop so I can bring them in but it doesn’t look good. So I might just have to get a little wet tonite making two trips, not to have last nite’s arguement happen again.
Pat in Mexico
In a Box
Unfortunately I haven’t done anything other than a little sharing territory. 1st it was horrible weather. 2nd it was no reeds, bought some that just would break the first time, etc. 3rd it was the cancer. Sorry.
I am enjoying the chats very much and know that when I am up and running again I will greatly gain from this program as I had a long head start training in the first place.
Thanks again Carolyn for this wonderful program.
Insiders Circle,
As I am pondering Carolyn’s question I wanted to express how much this class has helped me w/every aspect of my horses.
I have studied Parelli for a long time and continue to do so since it is a great program, but I have felt for some time that something was missing and my progress was slow. I was discussing this w/a friend and she said Parelli shows us a language the horses can understand but Carolyn show’s us the language OF the horse that touches them on a deep level.
What Carolyn has taught me thru this class has made a HUGE difference to my horses in a short time. Her method is easy for the student and the horse.
She has taught me how to be a better leader and given me permission to not allow rudeness in my horses in a way they understand and accept.
Thru the rituals she has shown me how to fix any problem in our relationship. If I pushed too hard, I reestablish the trust thru Hello or sharing territory. If I need more willingness I do more leading from behind.
And thru the phone calls she has given me specific exercises to improve the gas pedal like the carrot game.
So even after this class is over I feel empowered to keep improving and that is very exciting.
Thank you Carolyn from deep in my heart, Shelley
(Insider’s Circle)
This blog made me realize yet another nuance to the idea of the lead horse allowing their behavior to be shaped by the followers–and that this can be a way for me to consciously decide which direction to shape my behavior OR when I am thinking about how things went and wanting a different result, it offers an easy option to try for next time.
In each session there are many occurrences where I allow or don’t allow things to happen. A very recent example is with Leading from Behind. Gunny will allow me to do LFB for a certain amount of time, where he is fine with me following along behind and asking for a step or two forward while he grazes and then pausing for a bit before another request forward. At a certain point he will start to walk off a little faster than my amble forward and for more steps than I asked. When he reaches this point, he has definitely tuned me out and will not stop when I stop, even though he can do this at other times. I have been trying various things and pondering how to fix this.
Last session when Gunny started this phase, I ambled after him allowing him to walk off, but then when I got up to him I would ask him to step off again. Because he was in a mode of not really listening to me, he would walk off again and we would repeat. After a few times of this allowing him to leave, but then not allowing him to graze when I caught up to him–he went to leave and got a little ways away. It felt like a rubber band was stretching and right before it broke he stopped and even rocked back as if giving to the rubber band. He waited for me to catch up and we walked together to the new spot where he wanted to graze with the rubber band connecting us on the way.
So in this example, I used allowing and not allowing in the same interaction and the combination ended up creating a palpable connection between us that had previously been more tenuous during this ritual.
I just wanted to add a brief account of a time from a few days ago when I probably made a wrong decision. I plan to set up the situation again today and this time go the other way.
I was walking (companion walking or liberty dancing, I am not sure I know the difference) next to Z in the playground, where there are a few permanant obsticles (platform, bridge, rope suspended between two 12′ poles with dangling styrofoam noodles, a ditch and a few jumps, etc.) I was playing with him jumping low jumps and trotting over a tarp as I walked by them. The idea was for him to maintain his position next to me when he jumped. He likes this game and we were going along fine. Then I chanced to make a turn that took us past the platform. Standing on the platform is one of his oldest tricks. I usually reward him with a cookie when he gets all four feet on it. As we passed the platform, he veered away at a trot and was proudly standing on it with all four feet when I got there. He looked at me, saying in all but words “OK, now give me my cookie.” I laughed and gave it to him, admiring his initiative even though it broke our connection for a bit. We moved on, back to the cavalletti, as well connected as we had been before. I did not go too close to the platform again.
After thinking about your comments in this essay, however, I am going to change my reaction and encourage him to stay with me even when he wants to interrupt our connection with the trick he has every reason to believe I enjoy. It should lead to an even closer connection if I do it right, no? The next level, maybe? I am really interested in giving it a try.
Sometimes I work Folly in the sand ring. It is about 100′ x 100′, with paddocks along 2 sides, and there are other horses in those paddocks. Folly is very insecure and only feels safe near other horses, so she stays along those two fence lines, which meet at a corner. She will not go to the other corners of the ring. Usually she is very focused on the other horses and she rarely approaches me.
Last week I decided to try leading from behind as a way to change her focus from the other horses to me, even though she was in heat and so was more than usually interested in the other horses. I hoped for companion walking, which she has never offered to do.
The first time I attempted leading from behind, she walked ahead of me for a few steps but then she turned and came toward me. I knew that I should go toward her head and push her into walking ahead of me, but there was something about the way she turned to me, and the intensity of her gaze, that I did a Hello instead. She liked that and stayed with me for several minutes.
After awhile I moved off, but she went back to the fenceline and the other horses. Again I started to lead from behind, and again she walked a few steps and then turned to me, with a bright intense look that made me feel that she wanted to connect. So once again I said Hello, and she stayed beside me. This happened repeatedly that day, with her moving from the fenceline and I moving away, and then back together for a Hello, then away from each other again. I felt very strongly that this was the right thing for her that day. Never had she sought me out for Hello like that, and never before had she seemed so eager for the intermittent contact with me. She would not companion walk, but I felt a connection I had not felt before.
Today in the sand ring I intended again to try leading from behind as a way to get her to companion walk. She was eating hay and I asked for eye contact. She did not give it to me, so I started her off with me leading from behind. She kept turning toward me to stop this activity, but this time I persisted. We did leading from behind for a good 10 minutes, even though she walked only on a large circle or figure 8 within the “safe” corner.
Finally I said “whoa” and she did stop. I gave her enthusiastic praise and I ran to get her a treat. This time when I turned to walk away she followed me. I slowed down so that she could come up beside me, and she walked with me for several minutes – the first really good companion walk she has offered me. I felt a strong bond between us for the first time.
We happened to walk along the fence toward the safe corner, and I turned through it and started heading for the far corner, which she never voluntarily approached before. When we were about a third of the way there, she stopped. I continued walking for about 6 steps, then I turned and stood in a relaxed manner, looking at her. She stared at me for a few seconds, then slowly walked up to me. I stroked her jaw, and then I casually turned and walked another 6 steps, and turned back toward her. Again, she looked at me for a few seconds, and slowly walked up to me. We repeated this exact sequence three or four more times. Each time she approached me, I felt a stronger connection than before, a deeper trust coming from her.
No, we did not get all the way to the scary far corner. I went as far as I thought she would go, which was about three quarters of the way there. The last time she came to me, we simply stood close together, in the most profound intimacy I have ever felt with a horse. I wanted it never to end. I shake my head in wonder at the power of these simple rituals.
Hi everyone
it was time for the horses to come inside. Patusco didn’t feel like comming to me or joining me although he’d come to me to say hello while I was sitting in the pasture. He didn’t want to follow the path and chose to stand at the closed gate at the other side of the paddock. I allowed him to enter this way into the paddock. Some days later, I asked him to follow the path, again he went directly to the gate but instead of opening the gate, I did some leading from behind and asked him to follow the path. In the beginning he was full of energy and tried to go back to the gate but I insisted calmly. Suddenly he accepted my choice and walked nexto me in a very focused but calm way. We did the whole path walking together with some nice stops and trot. The connection was magical.
This morning I was playing around with my mare Vermont. I have only had her one year and she came here with a lot of mistrust and fear issues. You couldn’t touch her without her jumping out of her skin. Anyway her confidence has changed dramatically and she is now rideable out on a trail, she trailers to go riding at other places etc.
So back to this morning, we were doing companion walking and leading from behind and then we went over to the bucket and got some treats. We paused while I scratched her itchy spots and then I walked away and came back sending her away to get her energy up and see what I had today. She wheeled around and took off at high speed. She cantered quickly around the arena tossing her head and kicking up her heals. It was funny to watch as she had been so sleepy looking prior to this. Anyway she kept looking at me asking to come to me but I kept her going until she softened her body. It didn’t take long and then I asked her to come to me and she trotted right to me, dropped her head and licked her lips. I spoke softly to her and started rubbing all of her itchy spots. She immediately calmed right down. This is the first time she has trotted to me. She usually walks and sometimes stops before she gets to me. This was big for us. She was able to figure out the right thing to do to get the reward of security and comfort with me. When we went back to companion walking it was much closer and she was more in tune with me. We had a better connection. It’s a fine line though to push but not so far that they don’t trust you. I love playing around with pushing the limits. Off to play with my other two horses.
(In a Box)
I forgot to add that going through the course I notice that I can gradually increase my demands to my horses. In the beginning I had to ‘go with them’ (= allow) a lot but at some point the mechanism turns around into them deciding to go with me, and that was the point I could start to gradually increase my demands. For example, when my horse heads in another direction than I had in mind, I can now say “no no, uh uh, don’t go there, come with me” and then they comply. At the start I wouldn’t have been able to have this result, they would just have headed off no matter what.
!
I think this phenomenon of ‘go with them’ so they can eventually ‘go with you’ is the most beautiful thing
(In a Box participant)
Hi Carolyn, that’s a good question to think about and it is absolutely my experience too, that allowing sometimes makes the bond and other times breaks it. I have some examples of allowing and not allowing from my last session with Kría.
An example of allowing: Kría has started offering me great Companion Walking but sometimes she stops and seems to be ‘processing’ her experiences and impressions. If I insist on keeping on moving at that moment, she just doesn’t respond, so at this stage of our work I allow her to take the time she needs to process her thoughts, and I’ll just stand still by her side, without any expectations or rush, just Being. After a while I sense she’s ‘present’ again, I start walking and she walks with me in a very natural way. No bond broken in any way.
An example of not allowing: Kría and I were Companion Walking, when she suddenly decided to leave me and head for the hay. She turned her hind end to me and lost all focus on me, so I decided not to allow that and I took her territory at the spot. She rushed away, turned around and gave me the most beautiful Hello. After that the ‘glue’ between us was even better than before.
Thinking about this makes me realise how often we make decisions without consciously making them! On the other hand I did make a very conscious decision the other day with my mare, Coral, who has never approached me in my chair and is the lead horse. I was feeding one horse, Fi Fi, and keeping the others away, three of which are no problem because they are below Fi Fi but Coral and Cosmo were very keen to push her off her food. Cosmo moved right away when asked and as I was taking him a carrot as a reward Coral charged toward Fi Fi. I was about to intervene and stop her when I remembered you saying ‘Let them get to the bowl and see what they can’t have’ so I watched as Coral sent Fi Fi off – then I charged in with the same gusto she had used and she leapt away and looked at me in a most surprised way. I did this three times and then she stayed away and got the carrot. Guess what? next day she approached me in my chair and dozed really close to me! Now both Coral and Cosmo enjoy waiting a distance away from Fi Fi while she eats and I walk back and forth with treats for them.
Thank you, Carolyn, for suggesting this exercise. Picking out just two examples is hard because there are so many, although most of them are too minor to mention and the two I relate here are no big deal either. I never really thought about it before, but instant decisions (Go with it? Influence it? Stop it?) take place constantly with my horses. Most of the time, each instance happens in a flash; the horse makes an unanticipated move, I react to it one way or another, and on we go. My usual thought process barely rises to the level of consciousness. My horse does X, I do Y. If Y works, we continue in harmony. If Y does not work, I do Z to (hopefully) restore the connection. It is a constant process. I never considered it before as making deliberate decisions, but of course, that is exactly what happens.
I suppose that what guides my decisions is probably a combination of experience and having a fairly clear idea of where I ultimately want to go. Sometimes I go along with the horse’s idea, even when it is not what I had in mind, and other times I exercise my authority and skills of invention, such as they are, to prevail on the horse to do it my way. I certainly do not always make the right call, but here are two examples from today where I am pretty sure I did.
For about two weeks, I have been showering my 3 month old colt at liberty. I started by showering his mom in a corner of their pasture. He came over to investigate and I held the hose still and let him stick his face in the spray. Over time, he gradually let me move the spray over his body until he was getting a pretty good shower. By now, he generally enjoys it and usually stands still while I shower him and rub him with my fingers. But this afternoon, some people came to see him and I proudly told them how well he stood to be showered. Bragging probably jinxed my demo. This time, of course, he moved away as soon as his nose got sprayed. It was a bit embarrassing, after my big talk, but I made the instant decision not to pursue him with the hose, which might have scared him. I just held the spray still and let him walk away from it. “No shower for the kid today,” I told them. It just felt right to let him decide whether to be showered or not. And I got my affirmation about having made the right decision a short while later, when I called him and he cantered over, then followed me around the field, trotting when I jogged and stopping when I stopped. If you didn’t look close enough to see he was not wearing a halter, for just those few minutes you’d have thought he was perfectly halter-trained.
Earlier today, however, I went the other way with Z,insisting he do what I wanted over his clearly expressed preference to do otherwise. He was standing next to my car in the parking lot, at liberty. I was grooming him, something he enjoys. I noticed a place on one hoof where the bottom rim had started to break, leaving a piece that needed to be nipped off. Z is barefoot. I do not do my own trims, but keep some farrier tools for emergencies. Clipping and rasping this rough tag was within my very limited area of competence. So Z and I walked to the barn and I got the tools. I told him to stand still, held the foot between my legs, and lined up the nipper with both hands. Z took his foot away and moved off. I walked to the front of him and said Hello, then led him back to the same spot. When I bent to pick up the tool, he walked off again. This time I called him back and he came, but slowly. I was kind of in a hurry, I’m not sure why. Yet I felt impatient and was pretty sure he could sense that. I thought about getting a halter or neck rope and holding him still. But I remembered the WR course and decided to change my attitude instead. I made a serious effort to banish all traces of impatience and get into my “think happy thoughts” frame of mind from Sharing Territory. Once I had my mind under control (it only took a few moments), I went back to Z’s foot. This time when he tried to leave, I told him sweetly to “Stand still!” I picked up and put down the foot several times without picking up the nippers. Every time I put his foot down, I crooned “What a good boy” and scratched his itchy spots. After a few minutes of this, he was perfectly willing to let me nip the rough spot and rasp it smooth without moving a muscle.
I’m not sure if this one is exactly what you had in mind, but it is an example of insisting on getting something done my way over my horse’s objections, and it turned out OK in the end.
When I was compagnion walking, my mare decided not to join me any more and when she went left I went in the opposite direction. I realised that I had made a mistake when I saw her heading towards the carrots and with perhaps a bit too much force I chased her off. She went off and I felt I was a bit too strong so thought that it would take al lot of hallo for her to forgive me. Quite the opposite happened, as soon as she saw my eye she stopped and came towards me and stopped at a polite distance. She was more focussed than ever. My reprimand helped much more than I thought it would.
I like this posting because it touches on the fact that we need to be FLEXIBLE with our interpretation of what is happening in the moment with our horses and the situation.
I think its funny what you posted about this horse you were training who likes to offer up tricks in the middle of you asking for his focus. My mare does this, and I have always rewarded her enthusiasm. As a result she has figured out Spanish Walk on her own, she has figured out ‘downward dog’ on her own and picks up whips. BUT! Today… I was asking her for some in hand canter work that was somewhat difficult and right in the middle, between halts and canters, she started to offer up her downward dog move very insistingly. I realized this was her trying to get out of something that was ‘hard’ by being cute. So, no reward until she got back to the canter work.
Funny horses.
She is great at companion walks with me, but occasionally she won’t want to go where I go, and she’ll run off. I often follow behind with some kind of ‘up tempo’ to keep her moving if it was her decision to leave and within moments she would always come right back. Today she did not want to go into the arena, she went all the way down to visit with another horse. My initial reaction was to ‘discipline’ her the same old way but today I just let her be. By the time I came around the corner, she was already on her way back to meet me by the arena gate, ears pricked and all.
I don’t think I always make the right decisions in the moments, but I am getting better at recognizing other options or responses that might have created a better connection, or more desire from my horse. I guess that’s the learning game and thankfully horses are such patient, forgiving teachers!
Nicole
Not in class, but I continue to work on my own, & although I am unable to make as much progress as the class members, I do understand Carolyn’s blog, & have experienced the same with my young horse. He sometimes gains more enthusiasm & more willingness to work with me if he gets to lead at some point. Other times, he will use his leadership to disconnect with me, & go to the gate, or run off.
But every day is different, & just because he “takes advantage” of being in charge one day, doesn’t necessarily mean he will the next day. Often times,
he will be more attentive to my requests after ignoring them, if the consequences or payoff of leaving me is not very rewarding. In this way, I try to make his following me result in reward & good feelings, or safety/security.