Staying in The Dance and Not Letting The Breaks in Connection Show
Jun 15th, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
Today your blog is a slightly edited excerpt from the comments section. I want everyone to read it that is in the Insider Circle and In a Box programs.
Many of you are leaving kindergarten with your horse and moving into first grade. In kindergarten, the focus is more on learning the method and developing the bond and respect and the heartfelt strings of connection. Many of you in the classes are now ready to focus on perfecting your body language and leadership ability with your horse, as you develop the dance in companion walking and liberty dancing to music as a guide. This letter will help everyone that is at this stage.
Do not try this until you can work your horse in a larger space successfully producing the results of each ritual; until you and your horse have become deeply bonded, and you have developed the magnetic connection both in walk and trot. The reason for this is, when you are working with your horse in a smaller place in the beginning, you will use the fence line to influence him when you shouldn’t. Small places are too intimidating for a horse in the beginning of his training. Also, it is harder for people to read their horse and make the right decision in how to interact with their horse in a leadership role. It is too confining for the horse.
In a larger space you are more aware of when to pursue your horse and when not to. In a large space, a horse will have a stronger desire to bond with a human, because they feel that they can get away if they choose to. Freedom takes the defensive attitude out of a horse, and gives him ease.
Here is the comment from my In a Box student.
Thank you Carolyn,
Good timing for me too on this blog entry. I noticed myself getting a bit ‘pouty’ today playing with my horse Tom. He just wasn’t really interested and I had to remember not to ‘beg’ him, but walk away, sit down and read my book!
Later when we returned to the paddock at liberty he trotted off elsewhere while I put the others away and then didn’t want to be caught (very unusual for him) Finally I ‘walked him down’ and drew him in, and he decided on no halter but to follow me closely back and through the gate. Thinking about it now, maybe he was leading me from behind!! although he happily halted and changed direction with me.
I am feeling a bit confused so the blog was great. We’ve been sharing lots of territory, so I’m thinking that upping the energy may work.
Thank you, Robyn
Dear Robyn,
This might help you to advance to the next stage of my method: You might try to work your horse in a smaller area. I believe it is time to focus on keeping your horse moving at liberty and at the same time allowing him to go were he chooses. While he is moving, I want you to try and shape his energy by influencing him to slow down or speed up. Then try to get him to go away or come toward you if you can. If you cannot get what you want, go with the flow, keep dancing. When your horse is not going were you want him to go, go with him and then wait for an opportunity to bring back his focus and willness to accept your lead by going in the direction you are sending or drawing him to go. Keep him moving somewhere. While your horse is cantering around, you can even practice keeping him out of a certain area while he is moving. This helps a horse to want to be with you more.
When you dance with a partner, you go with the flow and don’t let the breaks of connection show to your partner, you dance a little dance to cover up the lack of teamwork and try to play your partner back into the groove.
Humans, when in the throes of making an effort to accomplish something, get lost from expectations.
Just experiment. Be an artist and create an abstract dance. In relationship, all we have is trial and error and working with allowance and freedom of choice. We cannot make anyone do anything, but we can work with what we have; and we can encourage and keep the peace and police the laws of politeness in a way that is acceptable to the horse.
Your horse is a herding animal and is built to be herded. So, herd him. You can now read when you are herding too much and could be considered a bully. Take a break every five minutes and treat your horse with carrots.
You did a nice job making a connection with your horse when he was not interested. He was not herding you. The reason your horse was not herding you is that you got to your destination with him. When this happens you are the leader and he is the follower, even if he is behind you at the time.
When you begin to feel lost, put your focus on what it is that you really want to do with your horse or not do and then do or not do that. Put your focus on how to get a better feeling and return yourself to a feeling of well-being. Well-being for you and your horse is all that matters. The dance must come from those moments. You many not be frustrated at all. You may only be experiencing new neuro-pathways being fired up, and that can feel like frustration. Congratulate yourself. You may be headed in the right direction.
It is an amazing act that we can work together from not knowing each other and train a horse to dance in a wonderful way, when most professionals could not dance at liberty with their horses or ride bridleless. In the clinics I have given, the professionals are not as fast to learn as the horse owners. We all have a lot of fun with that one.
I would suggest that you take a private clinic for my Ranch.
In your letter, you did not ask for my guidance. I would like to help you. How could I help you in this course? Expectations, be gone!!!
Carolyn
No related posts.
It was great for me to read about the advantages and disadvantages of larger and smaller areas. This will definitely help as I work with Maia in different areas. The farm I board her at has areas of all sizes — from the 40 acre pasture to the 50′ round pen, so I have a lot of options!
Blessings,
Hannah
great, thankyou carolyn,
that’s a very good question: what help do i need??
i’ve been thinking all week how i can get to your ranch, however i’m in new zealand!!! so it will take some managing!! when is good timing for you?
Tom is a 6yr andalusian x who chose me i’m sure to do this work together. He’s a ‘big being’ with a great and deep capacity to connect, and who has never been ‘wrecked’ by humans. He liberty walks with me, always has his eye on me and runs up to say hello.
He gets quite ‘big’ with food or treats although always respectful. Since doing this work, he’s more herd bound, so this week i’ve started (from call 4) just bringing him on his own to feed him, then straight back. Maybe i’m not doing enough other work with him?? we’re only riding maybe once a week. I think maybe he gets bored and wants more…he’s patiently waiting for me.
It’s winter and slippery here, so i’m wary of working too much at speed, although i agree that’s where we should be heading. i introduced him to the round pen (quite small) yesterday, so could keep working there.
When he’s on his own he sticks to the fence looking to the others, but will connect and walk with me for short times, and let me present food to him. i’ve been sharing territory together with the other 2, but i think he’d prefer it on his own, as he yields to the lead mare (Billy) who is also very connected to me, and ‘owns’ me, keeping him away.
should i persist in working him on his own? and should i be riding more?
i’ll definitely give a smaller space and upping the energy a go in the mean time. i think he’s busting to dance!!!
thankyou, robyn
Hi Carolyn,
I just came across your website, and I’m wondering if you could be of any help to me. I’m in the process of dreaming up a Watson Fellowship project, which is a grant of $25,000 to graduating seniors to pursue their “passion.” I have ridden since I was a kid, and had a extraordinary relationship with my horse up until I retired him last fall. I want to follow the connection between horse and rider through different avenues; looking at classical dressage, the nomadic people in Mongolia, healing work with horses. The only concrete requirement for a Watson is that you leave the US. Do you know anyone, or have any thoughts? I can explain the grant, and my experience with horses in more detail, if you think you might be interested in helping me.
Thanks,
Sophie
Dear Candle,
Thank you for sharing your training exeriance with Z. Training is best learned from your horse in the way you have described your thinking and what took place. So naturally. So conciderate, like a movie and like a dance and so smartly thought out.
To the Class:This is exactly step by step in how I want people to approach my method and the style I want people to try to capture when responding to me in my classes in What took place with you and your horse using my method.
I am not saying what Candle did or not do is what I want people to attempt.
I want you to tell your story of training using my Rituals in this style and this awarness to all things and the apprecietion and foucs on the harmony and conditions that surounds you in the moment.
The birdes, the weather, the conditions, your horses energy, your energy. All are important in being aware of to help you in making better choices in how to lead your horse. Being aware of all these things will also help you to create a functional and enjoyable program for you and your horse.
Thank you Candle for your awarness and your letter and the focus of what you chose to share with me.
Carolyn
Test comment
Dear Carolyn,
I logged on to tell you about my morning with Z in record hot temperature, more like August than June, that Florida is enduring. However, reading the comments to this blog, all at once as I just did, was so enjoyable I have to comment on it. What a lovely community of people you have drawn around you!
I took to heart your previous blog about upping the energy in our dance without losing the connection by working in a confined area to start. Also, suggested in a couple of comments that certain people should get their horses comfortable with moving quickly for a few minutes to encourage them to get their energy level up. Last week I began taking Z to an unfamilair paddock, but not until yesterday did he actually seem sufficiently comfortable and relaxed there for me to do more than share territory and lots of hello. Yesterday we did some driving from behind that morphed into companion walking. I was pretty sweaty by then and he felt really with me, so after he joggged to keep up with me as we walked back to the treats, I ended the sesson and rode him to the pond to cool us both off.
Today, I got the idea that I could get his energy up right from the start by asking him to canter around a field next to my car for a few minutes at liberty, a “trick” he seems to enjoy. He has been “companion walking” next to my car all week because I am too lazy to hoof it from his pasture to the chosen paddock at the other end of the farm and I try always to play on the ground before I ride him. Walking half a mile there and back in this heat leaves me with little energy for dancing, so I drive and he walks next to the driver’s side window. I think it is fun and interesting how the connection seems to survive intact through the open window even though I’m sitting in the car.
Anyway, I think it worked. Instead of going directly to the paddock, we circled the nearby open field twice, once with him on the outside of the circle at a fast canter and once in the opposide direction with him on the inside at a slow canter, which was more challenging and required several halts to keep him from forging ahead of the car. Then I parked the car and we went into the paddock together. We shared territory for about ten minutes. He stood with me in the shade of a tree in the middle of the paddock (about 100 x 300 feet) for a long while as I groomed him with my fingers, listened to my ipod, and lost myself in the beauty of the towering trees nearby. When he walked calmly off to drink from the water tank, I walked in the other direction and waited for him in the shade of another tree. He grazed a bit, then joined me in the new spot. I told him how splendid he was and when he started grazing again, walked away about 15 feet. I stood there with my back to him listening to two songs (about 6 minutes) until he joined me again. We repeated that a number of times until he moved off with me as soon as I started walking. When he did, I praised him with enthusiasm and walked fast to the bag of carrots near the gate. He trotted to keep up with me, keeping his head nearly verticle and moving strongly from behind, almost but not quite in passage, as we neared the gate. I gave him two whole carrots and lots of happy talk. He followed me eagerly when I walked away and when we got into the shade, I upped my energy and urged him to canter. He cantered almost a full circle and looked good for more, but I invited him in to me and fast-walked/jogged back to the gate, with him trotting alongside. We repeated this a couple of times more, increasing to two circles at the canter. When, with the last of my energy, I ran back to the gate, he cantered next to me. I was tired but very happy. Z seemed very pleased too. When we got back to his pasture, I had to go fix another horse’s displaced fly mask. Z came with me instead of going to get a drink and a roll as he usually does.
Hi Carolyn,
I am sending you an update from my call on Mon.
Before I left the farm on Sun. after having that divine connection with the herd I spoke to each horse individually and asked them to keep an eye on Cash as he was still in pain and to help him if they could. Yesterday when I went to the farm they were all in the run in shed even though it was a beautiful day not too hot and a very nice breeze as soon as I got there and called to them they all came running to greet me even Cash who is now putting some weight on his sore leg. I said hello to each of them and thanked them for looking after Cash praising them for their loving attention , I felt their gratitude and loving bond / connection deep in my own soul. The little lead mini stallion came forward and touched his nose to Cash’s sore leg so I did some more Tellington Touch to the area while everyone watched. I know this is all from ST and that is what I will continue to do. If this means staying in kindergarten forever I am loving it . I also would like to come to your ranch perhaps this winter, if that is possible. Namaste love and light and sincere gratitude Sherry (the house keeper at the farm told me that the entire herd spent the day in the run in shed on the previous day as well, I suspect Cash was in the shed lying down and the rest of the herd were holding vigil as I had asked, truely heart warming )…………….
Dear Kathy.
Thank you for sharing your feeling and experiences reading my blog, and how you are able to go back to sleep at night when you can’t sleep by watching the Waterhole Reflections DVD.
The people that you work for should take my leadership course to learn how to run their employees to receive the best work from them.
I would like to help a business to learn how to create a successful business by developing a dance in teamwork with their employees.
Insiders Circle
Dear Carolyn,
I love reading your blog. In fact, I have read every word you have written, more than once. Your method and what you say has helped me personally. I have worked in an extremely high stress job for 25 years and I’m used to doing everything fast, making no mistakes, taking no breaks and not even going to the bathroom for crying out loud. You have started me to learn to breath, to slow down and to be in the moment. I watch your Waterhole Reflections Meditation DVD several times a week. I love it. (The Foal Meditation is my favorite.) One very good use of The Waterhole Reflections Meditation is, in the middle of the night when I wake up for no good reason and my mind wants to buzz through the day’s conversations or jump into the future and worry about something that I can’t do anything about anyway, I start the Reflections DVD, watch it for several minutes and my mind is quiet and sleep is then very natural. I think if more people watched your Waterhole Reflection Meditations, fewer sleeping pills would be sold.
Thank you for wanting to see the videos of the bond and love we share with our horses. I am really excited to do this, because I love Elmo and Elmo loves me. It will be fun.
Sincerely,
Kathy
Class from now on when you send me a you tube be sure to show me how bonded and loving your connection is before you go into whatever exercise you are doing with him. For example holding your horses head close to you or a nap in connection or your horse gently eating out of your hand and being polite or eating out of the bucket while he allows you to massage his head while sitting in a chair or helping you turn the pages of a book gently. This way I am able to judge that your connection is trully in place before your bucket games or any other exercises. This also helps that if others see your you tubes in the future the loving connection is never over looked while you focus on policing behavior.
We do not want people to get hurt or horses abused by focusing on an exercise that is dealing with a strong need to drive your horse way from you before the bond is deeply created first following a proper protocal. It would be nice that everyone made a short you tube on the magic found in a moment in nature with your horse when you and your horse are trully enjoy the moment together. Look at Stinas you tubes and be creative.
Thanks
Dear Carolyn,
checking in. Interesting exchange…I had already read it when it appeared in the previous blog.
I keep coming back to the following sentence from your response:
“In the clinics I have given, the professionals are not as fast to learn as the horse owners. We all have a lot of fun with that one.”
I think that the whole trainer/owner/horse triangulation, which works “best” in the traditional set-up when the owner is completely trainer-dependent and the trainer, in fact, stands in the way of the owner developing a bond with their own horse, is totally anti-relationship. They often train horses mechanically (as if tuning a car), and the owners ride until that thing (the horse) needs another tune-up. And I guess that whole system works with dominance over the horse. Do as I tell you, or else….your opinion is not welcome. Not leadership in the way that horses wish to be led, but dominance and intimidation.
So no wonder that, in your clinics, owners that have some idea of your method will be better at bonding than the typical professionals. And that they will achieve a lot more in that register than a professional that can’t get beyond the dominance mode.
Anyway, fabulous exchange….
Christian
Insiders Circle
‘Expectations be gone’! Love this. It is amazing to me to find how expectation riddled my life had become before starting the waterhole rituals. The waterhole rituals have helped me become aware of the many agendas, especially the subtle ones that were clinging to me. I am working to unload them and it is very freeing. Not only am I finding my true horse but also my true self.
I look forward to creating an abstract dance. Today, I danced around the indoor arena, making my own music and Yowahtee followed me everywhere at a walk. For awhile, there was a second horse in the arena with us and he didn’t quite know what to think but there was interest in both of their eyes as they watched me. It is very freeing to dance and sing spontaneously! Horses are so wonderful because they don’t judge these freeing performances, they just enjoy the moments.
Thank you.
Connie
Dear Carolyn – I remember reading this conversation with Robyn and appreciating it so much. Expectations be gone! I have been allowing myself to let go of expectations – and reminding myself – and today was a lovely day with Commander. As I was letting him eat out the bowl in my lap I told him what a good smart boy he was. I talked the whole time and rubbed my hands across his eyes, as you said, and just loved him up! Also, I kept talking to him off and on during ST. If he came for a visit, I told him what a good boy he was. I got up sometimes and went to visit him and talked to him. I found that squatting down by his hay while he ate was another way to connect. He would reach his head out to me and sometimes move closer to eat right by me. I talked to him much more than I ever have and he seemed to love it! Sometimes I sounded just like you! I think we did some good reconnecting today. I have a video and need to get it on here.
When you and I had a call a few days ago I think you said to walk Commander around his paddock on a lead and repeat halt and walk. this was to help him to slow down when we go on walks. am I remembering this correctly?
I learned from his owner that he also wants to walk really fast when she takes him out.
HI Carolyn,
Great to read this as this is what you told me on our phone conversation on the Sunday call. With all of this in mind we rented the Black Stallion on Sunday night. By Monday after speaking to you and then watching the magnificent beach scene in the movie I felt I would go out with Pico and conquer the world. Well he didn’t feel like dancing with the enthusiasm I had. He sort of looked at me and said “are you for real?” That could have been because the day before he was racing around and bucking and acting like a naughty child so he got it all out of his system by the time I was ready for a fast dance.
Anyhow I did what you said and took what I got and worked with it to keep the dance going. We just worked in a lower key and we were both happy with that.
Thanks for so much information in your blogs.
Carolyn,
I haven’t put in as many replies because I am spending much more time doing( waterhole rituals with True) than writing about my thoughts here, but my journal entirely written in the paddock is almost full. I just finished reading your Blog book and it was WONDERFUL, we picked it up at Robin Gate’s terrific and very engaging clinic. So to anyone who reads this I highly recommend the blog book and look forward to future editions. I really liked the way the information was organized and presented. True and I are making amazing progress with our relationship and I will put a note on the IC club page. She had her first partial bath yesterday and was playing with the water making us laugh and smile.
Leanna
Thank you, Carolyn!