Often Success Comes from Failure
Jul 30th, 2009 by Carolyn Resnick Method
The art of horsemanship is grown from the practice of connection not the practice of force. The art of horsemanship is developed from the practice of growing your leadership at the edge of your ability because at this point it causes you to consider your actions, which are the natural instincts of a leader.
I have now really lost interest in reaching goals and am now more interested in experimenting in how to develop a partnership with horses from the natural evolution that springs forth from sharing moments in unity and harmony and the horse guiding my journey and decisions in my leadership choices. I used to use more of my God given talent for making connection, changes for the better and performance and was really great at pushing the limits whilst keeping the connection. However, I am now looking to use less talent and gain more support from the evolution that happens naturally.
I would love to hear from all of you what your journey is right now in your relationship with horses. The personal challenges that you are working out for yourself, your sacred walk and what you are hoping to achieve in the art of horsemanship and harmonious connection in friendship and performance. I want to help people who might be feeling frustrated with themselves and feeling a lack of ability.
Working with a horse is not easy. Failure will lead to success if you can understand why it would. Sometimes we fail on the path and sometimes we succeed. The keys are to slow down and choose an approach that is more discerning. I think the key to less failure is to choose the right attitude. Think about where you put your focus and stay in touch with your natural ability to communicate and stay likable and know when to ask, how to build respect and how long to request performance. When you look at it like this you can see how it is not an easy matter and this should alleviate your thinking that your lack of ability or your horse is at fault.
One of the hardest lessons in our lives is knowing how to create a connection through communication that creates loyalty, trust, support and well being. We all go about it in different ways and at different levels and whatever road we take has purpose. If you are frustrated, remember that you are working with many levels of connection and understanding this difficulty makes it easier to let go of your frustration. It is almost mandatory to fail in order to succeed and it is also so valuable to try to stay in the zone of connection and avoid failure when you can. Knowing you are on a sacred journey will support you.
Every day I strive to improve my horsemanship. Every day I look to evolve my relationship with the first Waterhole Ritual™ to deepen the connection of trust, support and understanding. I start out focused on putting my awareness on the awesome spirit and community of horses before I go out to them. I find that watching my Waterhole Reflections Meditation DVD has a power that connects me to a place that supports my daily journey by keeping me on the path and getting myself in the moment.
When I am in this state of appreciation I then go to the horses and use the first Waterhole Ritual,™ Sharing Territory, and then read, write or just relax and put myself in a state of well being and balance in the present moment. From this I have better skills in discernment. This is when I plan my curriculum and leadership approach with my horse and it usually works out. If it does not, I congratulate myself on my fortitude to stay strong in my conviction that failure will lead me to a higher evolution on my journey in the art of communication and leadership with horses. The Waterhole Reflections Meditations DVD will be available soon.
I hope that helps and please write and let me know about your journey.
Enjoy the weekend
Carolyn
No related posts.
Right now, I am feeling frustrated having to live in two worlds.
This one, which is much like any passion, where you gain the most benefit when you eat, sleep, drink, wash, everything, into WRIC. The experience is beyond my language level.
The other is my job, which I am finding to be more and more of a
distraction. I love the teaching aspect, and the students. It’s the corporate stuff, that the more involved I am in this program…..horses—they make you see the non-sense of it all.
I am even finding it more and more difficult to watch the kids at the barn with their horses and those bits—-those horrible bits that weigh so heavy, with high ports to make them put their heads down. They are treated like a atvs…a toy that ‘has’ to do what they want…I see no fun in it for their horses.
************
I love how you call this our ‘sacred walk’. As that is exactly what it has been.
As a result, I found myself having to go into ‘quite time’ as my process, when learning something new and a nourishing as the rituals, is to pull back some…more it’s an inner pull back or more like a meditation…maybe that is what has been referred to as our ‘core’. I’m filling the cup sort of speak…then I can go out and pour it.
The relationship with my horses is growing immensely.
We have always been close to each other–drafts they are like big lap dogs.
The Wrs have strengthened that bond noticeably.
It has been so hot lately and the bugs are ferocious–so we have taken the opportunity to just share territory, say hello and make eye contact, with an occassional taking territory. We have also gone on the apple hunt. Knocking apples from the tree or pulling leaves from their favorite leaf tree. They stand by and even participate. Miracle she loves most, the drop of apples…she has a sharp eye. It’s quite fun.
We also have been spending time to shake flies together, rub faces and give Reiki rub downs. While I’m grooming one the other two will groom each other, or while grooming one, that one will groom whoever is next to them.
They even ask to swat a fly for them.
I find myself learning a great deal by watching my lead mare Breezy–Clydesdale. she seems to be insync with the program.
Carolyn, your body movements are exactly like hers.
The videos have been so valuable to watch. I just watched the private lesson with Bitja–and I saw Breezy…your hand movements and body language are exactly like hers. Smooth, intentional, focused….with purpose.
I have several times now, had your image and intent in my mind when working with them…and walla..it was instantaneous response.
Thank you so much for the gift of the horse world.
Kim
Dear Doris and Kenai,
Thank you for sharing. I hope others read you letter because it shows the connection and journey that can happy from allowing a horse to court allowing the bond to grow naturally.
What I like in your letter is that by allowing the courtship of your horse you could use the other rituals in a way that developed respect and the bond to deepen.
Thank you,
Carolyn
For me success has come from failure. For five years I tried to have a relationship with my Montana horse off the range; Kenai. That was the problem..me. I was always trying too hard, too intense. From Carolyns book and blogs I learned to let the horse court me. I started sharing space doing nothing together and then doing something together. An amazing thing happened..my horse fell in love with me. It has been absolutely astounding. We buddy walk..alot. I garden and he is wanting to leave the pasture and hte other horses to graze along side of me in the garden.So I started giving liberty and being together, me gardening andhim grazing and then walking about. He walks with me while Ido stalls and emptly my wheel barrels..we go everywhere together. He was herd bound, now he wants to be with me more than the other horses. When I do my trail rides they are short and lovely. He loves to carry me now and we go together to close places in our woods. It has been a HUGE change for us. Kenai is the buddy horse I had always hoped to have. Like you Carolyn I dropped all goals; all pressure; all agendas..and everything for me is the partnership first and foremost. Kenai knows that and I know that and the connection is amazing. Thanks ever so much. I have learned Kenai loves when I talk to him through body language not wordsand he loves to be led from behind. I only had to take territory once or twice and he understood immediately. It is an entire new world for us; theone I always wanted.
Thousands of thanks.
Doris and Kenai
This is the first time I have posted in your blog. Carolyn, your latest entry seems to be written for me – although I know I can’t claim it as my own!
I left a long post in the wric question postings and talked a lot about feeling behind everyone else and not progressing. Even as I write these words I know how wrong they are. I was excited and encouraged and surprised to read that you have given up reaching for goals and are letting the natural evolution of the relationship develop. And then I wasn’t surprised because of course this is where you are heading! The timing of my reading this couldn’t have been more obviously a sign that everything is happening as it should. I believe I am finally connecting to the learning that is happening for me. As I spent time with Lady today I kept shaking the expectations out of my body. Walking about and just breathing and thinking that it’s all about this moment I am in. Nothing else counts. I made up some little games with Lady, forgetting the WR and using my intuition, right or wrong. I so often find that I use a method or path or thought that I am drawn to and turn it into a dogma of some kind that I must adhere to. It is amazing that as much as I’ve learned in my life at 57, and it is a lot, that I still fall into some of the same familiar holes instead of keeping aware and walking around them. Beginners mind is a concept that I trust. As a beginner I stay alert and open, willing to not know which is a sacred place to live from.
I know we are coming to the end of our course and it is so perfect for me to read what you are realizing and how your words are also my words, that you spoke them just when I needed them, as though I’d asked you to. I feel a thread of magical connection to you.
Great news, Nicole!!
To everyone who responded to my situation –
My horses have been moved to a new place. They have settled in like I have never seen. The new barn owner is gentle and understanding of them both, and even my older Arabian has taken to her. They sleep, finally. I don’t think they had had a decent amount of sleep for months at the other place. They are alert and active, excited to be with me, and happy to play with me. It’s a total change. I feel I really have made the best choice for them. We went on a two hour trail ride yesterday and they were so enthusiasic! Tonight I’m going to try some liberty work and see if I’ve got my connection back. I just wanted to update all of you that cared enough to put in your two cents. Thank you so much!
Carolyn,
I do feel over the moon, it has suddenly become clear how rich the connection has become with Andre
Through the journey there were times of elation, curiosity, delight and frustration.
Like leaves passing across the face of the sun; shadows of doubt creates resistance.
I came face to face with my weaknesses and strengths but most of all your method and Andre finally taught me to trust myself to go with the flow and to simply relax in all my endeavors. I don’t need to push the river it flows by itself.
Friday morning a glorious day, cold birds singing in the trees, I greet other horse friends on the way and make offerings of carrot. Za the 31 year old Egyptian Arab walks to Andre’s gate to get his carrot. Andre in his blue coat with those long legs, horse in a tutu he looks slightly comical. Greetings and I remove his coat and rub him with a towel he loves that especially when I cradle his head and rub his face. We share breakfast time; I sit on a tack box drinking some coffee from a thermos and Andre crunching his alfalfa hay. I have found peace and lightness and joy again.
Andre has finished breakfast and he is waiting for me, we are like two old friends considering how to spend the time. So I think I will make the Tellington-Jones Labyrinth which is created from six wooden poles. What astonishes me is Andre’s total attention to my activity while I create the configuration. He checks the shape; he looks at the book, and studies the corners. He is totally with and for me. I was much moved.
I had no expectation I knew Andre would be slightly nervous going into the labyrinth and if he had refused then I would have done something much simpler, but he was willing and we both made a good job of it. Later he did it with just a thin rope around the base of his head and neck responding to my body cues. It was fun.
Then he waited again what shall we do now, so we went to the round pen and played with the flow, we then went walking and I said he could have some time out grazing.
He was happy and I was very happy.
The next day he was again very attentive and I started a bodywork session. He enjoyed it and then told me when he had enough. I asked him if I could put some lotion on his back leg, he said no and walked away. I did some leading from behind, when he halted I walked away, he followed me and I asked again and he said yes.
So know I feel there is no end to the joys that are relationship will bring.
I want my journey to ultimately involve other horses to be able to give refuge to rescue horses to walk a sacred path of healing and spiritual connection and to provide the environment for fun and games.
Last week I experienced doubts I thought I had issues with Andre still to be resolved.
Through frustration I separated his qualities and ways of being from myself, but now I recognize I share the same qualities and ways of being and so now there is no separation.
OMG Kerrie, I don’t believe this——-I am in Lake Chapala too!!!!!!!! Your last name doesn’t happen to be Watson does it? If so, we know each other. I have the dog boarding facility here.
Sorry list for being so personal, but I don’t see any way to PM someone.
Carolyn said,
“If you are frustrated, remember that you are working with many levels of connection and understanding this difficulty makes it easier to let go of your frustration. It is almost mandatory to fail in order to succeed…”
This morning as I watched the horses go out to their new strip of grazing, it suddenly came to mind that: “Horses have all day every day.”
People try to fit them into their people’s schedule and sometimes that’s hard for the horse.
Where am I? From reading Carolyn’s book (and looking forward eagerly to the new one) and reading Carolyn’s wonderful blogs, I am just starting to get my head around the WHR so I can see them as a whole and play with the moves that seem most appropriate at the moment.
It hasn’t been easy to get to this point because I have to let go of old concepts and build in the new ones.
I am learning to “stay likeable” but not be worried about using strong leadership because I now understand more how horses interact.
I always knew how they interacted because I watch them a lot, but Carolyn has helped me to UNDERSTAND it, and to become more like a horse with my own actions.
Nicole, What an absolutely horrid experience for your horses. I can’t understand how heartless they can be about exposing all the other horses to that. That just stirs up all of their worst fears – being that horses are prey animals. I would get my horse out of there so fast without looking back!
Thank you everyone for your responses. It helps to hear from others who have struggled with what I have. The support is wonderful.
Kerrie, in response to your question, yes the horses were put down on the same property. One had never been with the herd as she came in a rescue and ended up diagnosed with terminal cancer. The other had been part of the herd for years. We also had to bring a truck in for the bodies, and I believe that was VERY difficult for my Appy. I was trying to get him back to his pen with my Arab before the vet and truck rolled in, but didn’t manage it quite. I had to walk past the truck to get to his pen and he KNEW what that truck was. I’m sure it just reeked of death. He was fairly unnerved and I spent a good deal of time with him, but when the two horses were put down my two stood at the window of their joint stalls and watched the whole time. In fact, the strangest thing happened. When Dream, the mare that had been part of the herd for years, died the whole barn of horses began nickering. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there. It gave me chills.
My husband asked me if that situation could be causing some of the issues, especially because herd members they were close to have left since then to go to other barns. He asked if they worried about their own life. I told him there was no way a horse could rationalize that much, and while they may still be acclimating to the death of Dream, I didn’t think there was any way they worried about the scenario that happened two weeks ago. But now that others have presented that idea…it is something to think on. That was the first time my horses had ever been around something like that. Perhaps they do worry. Perhaps they still remember that day.
Thank you Caroyln for allowing us to have a place to share our ideas without criticism or judgements!
Wow! It’s exciting to me how I can relate and connect to your idea in this post – it made the little hairs on the back of my neck prick up! Whenever I enter the state of what I assumed was lackadaisical or procrastination, I would become upset with myself and feel bad that I’m not enough of a goal setter or achiever (as is so commonly taught); instead I try to always feel good and bring everything back to love while working with horses (or anything else for that matter). I think because my ‘goals’ were not achieved in a linear, methodical or rational sense yet I would experience success with even the most unfit, unsound or ‘un-trainable’ horse I just thought that I got lucky again. Thank you for your new prospective it definitely gives me a renewed sense of what I’m doing and that I’m not that ‘out of it’!
I don’t recogize the word failure. As I think there are no accidents and everything happens for a reason. And if we sit in observation of each moment without judgement, we will see that the universe is guiding us with these little (sometimes “big”) nudges “saying “hey maybe you should go this way instead” or “you need to work on this more” and if you pay attention to those guidances, you will never feel frustrated or failed. You will only feel challenged in a good way and always interested in what unfolds next…
Hi, Pat
We’re near Lake Chapala outside of Guadalajara, where are you?
congratulations, I loved your article! Thanks
Nicole, you are right, you can feel it, move your horses.
If it don’t work with the next location, move again, you want to get it right, you will get it right.
You are looking at your horses, they will tell you when its right. Good luck, share how its going
Love Stina
Hi Carolyn,
I can hardly ever wait for your next blog, for each and every one holds such wisdom. I have already gained so much “connection” with my two horses in such a short time. I didn’t really have enough space to work with them, but finally just got access to a small 20X35 meter piece of land I just cleaned up and developed into sort of an arena. More yet to do, but it’s a start.
Kerrie– Where in Mexico are you? I thought I was the only one in Mexico involved in doing the Rituals.
Carolyn, the power of what you have evoked on this post is witnessed in the amount of replies you’re getting, and I apologize for being overtalkative, but this moves me.
Becky we’re in the same boat. I’m learning Spanish by looking up articles on Wikipedia in that language to learn vocabulary as I write a memoir, also based on horses.
Carolyn, what I think happened for me – which is just exactly what you’ve said in different words – is that perhaps early in life, particularly during my insecure adolescent and puberty years, is that I got attached to my ideas of horses. I believed I loved horses, but I was dedicated also to loving my ideas of horses rather than my companions themselves as I advanced in riding discipline.
Now I’ve learned to like horses, something very different than liking my ideas of them.
Bonnita that’s brillient. I love this blog so much. All i’ve been doing for the past 2 months is writing my Masters creative writing thesis based on the horse/human relationship. And i go, everyday, and pick out my horses feet, maybe trim them a little, sometimes the kids come and have some play time and go to school and tell their friends about the wonder of horses and don’t mind being laughed at any more because they know what it’s all about and it’s something they can touch and feel and make contact with and feel something with when they thought feeling was all over…then maybe i’ll give them a brush, pick poop from the field and stand under the trees and watch them. But what i’m most looking forward too is starting the insiders program in September when my Masters is all done and dusted and I can stop writing and start doing.
… my journey in relationship tp horses… hmmm…
I have 8 horses. Two geldings over 30, an endurance arab horse mare 13 yrs, a nice trail riding polish arab mare, 10, a polish arab stallion, 5, a morgan mare 4, and two babies from the polish arab and stallion- ages 3, and 2.
I sometimes cannot tell where “they” end and “I” begin. We have shaped each other over the years — physically, emotionally, energetically, sppiritually.
It’s a true two-way street. So I cannot speak of “my” journey. I can only speak of “our” journey.
I try to be a human ambassador to the horse world, my horses are ambassadors to the human world.
At some level of depth, the worlds are the same.
That is where we like to meet. It is not easy for either of us. Nor is it difficult. It is both our journey and our destination.
We are here. There is poop on the ground. A hungry stomach. Some hives. A need to belong and to be loved.
There is joy to share. Energy that comes ecstically from nowhere, and dissipates into joy.
We frown. We smile. We swat bugs. We are here.
We are we.
People help us. We help people. Horses help us. We help people.
Sometimes it is difficult. Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes it is supreme fun.
That is the joy of us. We are here.
Just one last impression which I’d like to share for humor’s sake… little Chiquita has doubled in size in six months, but because of not having a mom or herd for much of her early life (Capricho IS her herd), she has been quite socially retarded. Once we put them together to play, all the activity snapped her out of what I can only describe as a stupor. She is a little over a year old but maybe the size of a seven-eight month old, which in her case is saying a lot – she’s no doubt a local criollo (mustang), perhaps even robbed from the herd.
I imagine the following scene started with what horses normally do to threaten one another away, by backing up in preparation to kick them, who knows. Carolyn, and all, I am going to suggest that this has never happened in nature before.
When looking out a certain window here, one beholds a clearing between two mesquite trees with perhaps 10-12 feet of space between from the second story. It began with Chiquita’s little butt emerging from behind the left hand tree, walking slowly, in a very measured pace, head down, but walking backwards in a straight line. Once her full figure came into view, then came Capricho’s behind from the left side, tail to nose in front of her. Without changing speed, they proceeded to walk backwards at exactly the same pace, never veering from a straight line, until both were concealed by the tree on the right.
Just like a train being backed through a trainyard, as if moved on a rail.
Now, that is life with a socially retarded filly… has anyone ever seen horses do this with no human on hand to command them?
Sorry, but I must share that.
As ever your wisdom is unsurpassed Carolyn. My love of horses is far greater than my experience and at 50 Del is my first horse my long given up dream come true. For me it was always about the relationship and through the Rituals I have found what I was always wanting. Riding was always secondary to me and still is to a certain extent. Although I do want to ride him it is not paramount.
Since doing the Rituals I have a different horse now he is far more confident and so am I, we have grown together. In his 15 years I doubt he has ever been asked. He looks to me now all the time, a friend tried leading him from behind and each time he was watching me and when she sent him away he ran back to me as fast as he could, I was amazed and honoured. My friends little boy came to see him today and couldn’t believe how he walked with me, he likened him to a puppy and couldn’t believe a horse would do this. Del didn’t leave my side.
She couldn’t believe the difference in him or when he ran to me when I called him. We still have a way to go and my stumbling block is whether I am in spite of our amazing relationship enough of a leader. When a stranger can get on and he moves straight away but wont budge for me. The trimmer came this evening and he just wasn’t going to move for me and how I watched him using way more force to get his feet moving to see how he was moving, rather more Clinton Anderson style. Interesting that my friend noticed as well that Del didn’t take his eyes off me. His head was high looking startled he looked at me as if to say ‘why are you letting him do this come rescue me!’
I suppose the frustration is that I am surrounded by people who have been around horses a lot longer than me and when I am giving my horse the benefit of the doubt and taking time to get where I want or need to be it is seen as inexperience and inadequacy on my part. Yet they cannot catch their horses without buckets of feed and witnessed today when one hit her horse several times because it went for her and think that ‘don’t let them get away with it and show them who’s boss’ is the only way to treat a horse. So should I have used as much force as my trimmer to get his feet moving. Incidentally off line it isn’t an issue, I say go trot he goes trot! I cluck and he walks. I say come here and he comes to me. I hardly use the reed any more.
In spite of my amazing success and proud of how far we have come does at times make me feel inadequate and silly when I cannot get him to move when he decides he doesn’t want to. I know I can get him to move if I use enough force but feel I am just resorting to the way everyone else has. He does know I can as I did when we first started the rituals at liberty but this isn’t always translating into being on the lead rope or riding.
Incidentally I have switched to a bitless bridle.
He is when he wants to be very sensitive to requests and when willing responds to the slightest signal.
He went extremely well when I was on him when another horse went out of sight into the stable! The Rituals at liberty are as far as I understand near perfect so feel kind of stuck now.
Hi Nicole,
You already know in your heart the answer, don’t you? It is indeed all this change, a destruction of what they thought was their community.
Our horses are getting just a touch of what yours did, in that a part of their pasture has been fenced off for a house under construction. It actually changed their relationship with each other. Before they constantly ran and chased and teased one another. That loss of an ambling rectangular feeling towards more of a square lot diminished their play. In fact since the change, I haven’t seen them play with each other the same way at all, although we’re still hoping. We were just discussing moving them last night.
As to horses being put down, did that happen on the premises? I guarantee you that would just freak a horse out. I sense that even if it did not happen in their proximity, animals are more sensitive to death and unseen spiritual elements than people, and somehow they sensed their companions’grief in some ethereal way. Once I knew of a guy whose horse reared over backward, striking its poll sharply on the ground as it came down, and only could stagger and drool, shaking its head, one eye gone blind. The gelding’s companion just flipped out. It frightened him to no end to see this become of his companion, who shortly afterward had to be put down.
I think it is a very good idea to change locations. Perhaps your horses are meditating on their own mortality now – not good.
Dear Carolyn,
Today’s post and your posts about Stoli have prompted me to comment here.
I recently bought an 11 year old ‘bombproof’ cob called Ben. And while I genuinely think he enjoys all that we have done of ridden work, he is sour around humans and has no desire to come to me unless he thinks I have food. So when I read your first post about Stoli, I moved near him in his paddock, but stayed about a metre away, respecting my space and his. I felt present and grounded. I mirrored his movements. I found myself focused on his nostrils, which occasionally flared. I tried to do the same with mine. If he licked and chewed, I did so too. We stood in our spaces, he did not come to me looking for treats and he did not walk away. A couple of times his head lowered so much that it almost touched the ground. I bowed my head also. I found myself saying silently ‘right now I want nothing from you, demand nothing of you’. It was the most profound moment. I think that all his life he has been used and his willingness to work taken advantage of.
Nicole, I cannot say what your horses are responding to, but I can say that horses are so sensitive. When my mare died, her turnout companion, a very difficult horse who would only come near me to bite me, came up to me and put his head against my chest and stayed there. He and I were grieving together. Do not underestimate how sensitive horses are to what is going on around them.
Carolyn, thank you for your generosity with this blog.
Nicole, This has happened to me with my horse in other ways and when I was less trusting of myself and what I saw, I would tell myself it was all in my head too. But, I would usually come to find out my horse was trying in his own horsy way to tell me something and I just wouldn’t listen. If I were you, I would trust what you see and consider your options.
Hi Carolyn,
We’ve finished reading your book, are catching up on the recordings of the calls and still waiting for the DVD to arrive here in Mexico.
That said, I can so fully relate to what you said – to paraphrase you, the loss of ambition and the discovery of friendship and union. I was a hard-driving little teenaged cowgirl, full of dreams and ambitions touching on speed and winning competitions, which in fact I did on my old Morgan quarterhorse mare Lady. Then one afternoon, in a freak accident, another horse galloped by and kicked up a rock which flew obliquely into Lady’s rear splint bone and broke it. That probably would have been OK except the veterinarian (a total coward with horses) failed to take an Xray revealing the break (37 tries!), and instructed me to get back on her again in two weeks. She promptly went lame again, and the next veterinarian caught the break on the first try, and had me get off her for I think three months. After that she developed ringbone and our barrel racing career was over. That was what it took to realize, once I began trying out other horses, that it was my relationship with Lady and not the contests that mattered. No other horse made me feel the way Lady did.
Then I spent 37 years apart from horses, and had we not found Chiquita (a starveling rescue tied to a tree, whose mother must have died shortly after birth) and Capricho (seems to be over three, but small from malnutrition although he’s muscling up now), I don’t know that I would have gotten back into horses again. I ordered an embarrassment of materials on natural horsemanship from which your and KFHempfling’s names emerged as my favorites, and I’m perhaps too content to study up a lot, watch them out the window, and just go out and play when we’re not tossing them carrots from the balcony.
I find myself just watching them, due to our proximity, for hours. My husband, who has ridden fewer than 10 times, is likewise enchanted. We’ll discover one another in the house just watching these characters – how they interact, how they wriggle their lips as they observe action around them, how they scratch on the tree, anything. I never looked at horses this way. When I left the horse realm in the early 70’s in Montana (a state with more ticked-off abused horses than average, still), people were always admonishing to “show them who’s boss” and “don’t make a pet of them” etc.
Perhaps a key element of what happens is Capricho’s scant Friesian breeding and his intelligence, for which cause he comes already trained – an old horse soul come back to help me figure things out. He really came along fast once we made friends. Pardon if you’ve already read this from me, but he was terrified of people when we got him – he was used to being roped. We fed him carrots for ages, and it was even a triumph to get him to take one from my hand (disguised in grain in itsy bitsy pieces at first). Perhaps six weeks went by just accustoming him to coming near us. One day I went into his pen with a halter and rope, and just started whispering to him what I hoped to do. He frantically dashed around, then just in an instant turned and faced me, walked tentatively up to him, and let me put on the halter.
Now when I spread the halter open, he usually will thrust his muzzle into it. He whinnies at our coming and going. I have him to where he will usually walk, trot, halt, back and circle me at liberty, and usually sends away and comes back at the desired gait, thanks to a lot of WHR’s practice. I saw the 1:10 minute clip of you dancing with Panadero at liberty, where you dance somewhat backwards and push your energy into his hindquarters, as he first pivots around you and then fans out a circle like a spring alongside you. That is pretty much how we look. I thought I was doing it wrong until I saw that clip.
We had a great companion walk this morning. He is such a character, ears perked forward with wonder and curiosity, the corners of his mouth actually turning up in a smile. If I can paste photos somewhere I will, although the camera is giving me grief right now. Because of heavy rains the paddock has been infrequently usable, so I tried to make a surveyor’s tape picadero this morning and work a little. We instead became the neighborhood circus as many little children surrounded us. Then it was time for my Spanish test, as I explained how to move very slowly to the children, finding out that Capricho really enjoyed meeting them. So much for goals this morning!
Thanks very much for asking. People keep saying “subalo, subalo” (get on him) but I’m waiting until the rain lets up, we get the picadero finished and I can establish cues with him on the ground. He’s just a little guy, so it’s OK if he grows. Even if I never rode him, I’d be very happy with his friendship.
I read all of the posts but this one inspired me to respond. I actually have a question for any and all that feel they have any experience with this. My journey with my horses had become so wonderful after stumbling across this blog. I was more in tune to them than ever, and vice versa. The things we could accomplish were amazing. The things they would offer me made me so happy I could have cried. And then something happened and it all disappeared.
I immediately thought it was something I had done. I went back to the first ritual, I tried to become more in tune, more committed, more insistent, less insistent, and the list goes on and on and on. After a good while of this I feel I may have figured out the problem – and it may not be me. My horses are still happy to see me, but there is no motivation to do anything with me except sleep or be close. This was very bizarre. I believe it has been caused by their environment. The barn they are at right now has changed dramatically, the herd is constantly changing, horses were euthanized, more horses moved in. It’s been a mess. My Arabian lost around 100 lbs in a little over a week. My Appy is unresponsive and uninterested, which is NEVER normal. I truly believe the barn has become the issue and they have become uncertain and stressed. They don’t seem to sleep much, only when it’s just them without the herd or with me. So I’ve decided to change scenery and move them to another place. I hope this is the right thing to do.
Here’s my question. Has anyone ever experienced something like this? Can environment change the relationship that drastically, or did I do something wrong and just not realize it yet? This post really made me think about all the failures I feel I’ve had lately and the causes. I would love some feedback from anyone and everyone. I feel this is one of the few “safe” places I could pose these thoughts. Most other places I get attacked and people tell me my horses are fine, it’s all in my head. Please please please tell me your thoughts. I would love to hear them!
It is so wonderful to read these posts. I have never spoken to people about the way you all feel and connect to horses. It makes me so happy to know that you are all out there… I bought a beautiful young horse thinking I would be showing and winning and admired. She has developed a skin disorder which means my dreams will not happen. She is well in herself.
I needed that lesson that beauty is so much more than skin deep and that not being perfect is absolutley fine. Accepting her as she is with love she has freed me from always looking for perfection in me and in others.
So my journey so far has been enlightening.
Sorry just read your post again and got it wrong. I thought you said ‘state of apprehension’ when in fact you said ‘state of appreciation’. Reading too fast.
What I said is still relevant though as apprehension should be turned into something else before proceeding with a task.
One of your statements, “when feeling apprehensive – go back to basics”.
I often do this if I am feeling nervous about trying something new. I go and sit in his field, read a little, walk up to stable together and ‘chill’ and get connected, THEN try whatever I wanted to in a much better frame of mind.
If it doesnt settle me, I just put the task off the another day when I feel completely relaxed. He is very opinionated and will tell me exatly what he thinks by either not letting me on, or running off if he wants. I do everything at liberty, tacking up, grooming and anything new, so I get a true opiinion from him as to what HE thinks. I never force him, just wait till he agrees.
For me, being at the pulsing, still edge of this human evolution with horse, is what I was born for. They are in my blood and by some magical grace, I am in theirs. My heart is so full at times I feel it will burst and just fly away like Pegasus. The joy, oh the joy, I can feel it expanding and adding to the Unified Field out of which are formed and unformed. Loving It All!!, Amber H.
For those of us less far along the “road”, so many sacrifices! I bet I am not the only one that profoundly misses riding. I bet I am not the only one who has NOT yet reached a place of “giving up” craving some “performance” and “goals”, ego based as I know they are!……..Alas, the excitement of looking for or improving the connection is tempered by the difficulty; especially for those of us who do not have much gift in the way of a still mind! I look forward to spending 10 mind expanding days with you Carolyn. And hope to hear whether or not I am “in” (clinic full? or not) so as to get the arrangements made…Its not without some trepidation that I have entered into this ‘interest” and I bet I am not the only one who needs to learn new approach/attitude about “failure”!
Where are we?
We are doing good, I am very happy with our journey. It is around 1.5 years ago that we got to know Carolyn. My horses have just
helped children from the poorest village in the country. The children
learned about horses through being with them and playing and they were
so happy. My horses were very good teachers and by using games the
horses were very into being with the children. There will be a video clip of the children on our channel soon.
I feel a much stronger connection with my horses than before, I learn to
“train in the moment” – grab what’s coming up, I am getting much more
flexible in my approach and I think I am improving my body language as well.
I now start to understand what you (Carolyn) mean when you say “you dont really
have to train it, if the connection is there it comes, you don’t really
have to train it”
We have made lots of failures and from there made progress. Failures we made already from the start, trying forcing a wild and abused herd of horses to become trail slaves…, changing methods, giving too many treats, giving too few, giving too much love, giving to little love, being too decisive , not giving enough direction… But we are working together and my horses know that I really try to do the right thing so they forgive me easily and continue to work with me.
I have found out how I want to ride, when we eventually are ready, one of our goal is to ride with the herd with no tack and one day it will happen.
It does not matter when.
and …how we will ride?
in the arena? – no
faster or higher than the others? – no
spins and rollbacks? – no
pirouettes and levades? – no
You will see – we will share. We will “fly”
Love from Stina and the horses
Carolyn, I have been enjoying your blog and following the waterhole rituals with my horses for some time and am amazed at the results I’ve been getting. I just wanted to say thank you – your honesty and humility always moves me and inspires me to try harder. After reading this blog I started to think about my journey with my horses, and I realised that I just dont have the same focus anymore, I think it was practicing the first ritual that has had such a profound and subtle effect on me and in turn on my horses, I am so contented to just be with them and Im not sure if you would think this is a good thing or not, but I seem to be morse spontanious with them – I tend to feel whats right for this point in time – if that makes sense, I dont actually know where it is all leading and I find myself not really careing about end results, it just feels like a really nice place to be and my horses have never been more relaxed and contented – so thank you again for your insights and guidence.