Learning Boundaries to Empower Women
May 24th, 2011 by Carolyn Resnick Method
The way I see it, women approach leadership and horses a lot differently than men do. As children in our imaginary games riding Pegasus, Pegasus reads our minds and takes us to enchanted places. Girls are attracted to Pegasus from their desire to experience a magical connection through a magical ride; while boys grab their broomstick, and ride to a destination that they tell their imaginary horse to go.
My method address horses more like a woman of course because I am wanting a relationship with a horse more than any service I might get from the horse. The service I do receive from the horse is a way to enjoy our connection from a co creative process. It turned out that in competition, my method could hold up to any other method that was not interested in developing a friendship from the training process.
I have seen methods that are driven by a dominant approach through a masculine energy develop friendship with a horse, but the horse had to give up the ability to say “no,” or the power to change the subject, or have any say in the matter of his training at all. The masculine intent was not to abuse the horse in the best of circumstances, but never considered the relationship with a horse as a love interest that women do.
This caused a lot of woman to become unsatisfied with how horse training methods were applied to horses. The fact was that there was no choice in the matter if you were the horse.
It did not satisfy me. I see the treatment of horses to be abusive even in the nicest approach. The reason is that the method is brought to the horse whether the horse wanted it or not.
Masculine energy uses directive leadership and feminine energy uses supportive leadership. Women prefer not to get involved with leadership if they can help it, which is too bad because women are very good in the leadership role if they give their self half a chance.
Women understand something that men still need to consider- and that is leading a horse is part of a co creative process. They also believe that this co creative process is capable of producing the best performance. And that for leadership to really work out- you will need to follow your horse more than you will be leading him in the beginning to create a bond and a willing partner. Once you get this done, a horse will do just about anything for you without a lot of manipulation to get him to do it.
Where women fail to connect with a horse is created from their not understanding how to set up clear boundaries. It is a puzzle piece that is the missing ingredient in feminine energy. A woman has a tendency not to know when to allow, when not to allow, what to allow, what not to allow -and that to gain leadership and respect, boundaries must be flexible to be able to train the horse to have a desire to follow your lead over his own. How I do this through my Waterhole Rituals is by empowering a woman through many activities surrounding intimate interactions with a horse because that is when women are most comfortable. We are all about the bond and the heart felt connection. After we have made this connection, we can do just about anything -just from our natural instincts as supportive partners which comes very naturally to us.
When a woman learns how to gain leadership from using flexible boundaries she finds that leadership isn’t something she needs to demand from a horse. Once the boundaries are understood, horses have a strong desire to naturally follow your lead. This is very simple really. This is achieved from the horse working around your wants and needs that take place in regards to you personal space, and how you are feeling in the moment. Horses and women know how to work around each others needs in a partnership.
I have seen that when a woman learns that she is solely responsible for her own personal control of her personal space that all of a sudden, she sees how to use this way of being into her relationships in her life, and in affairs of the heart. She begins to turn the table on her life, and receive more respect and better treatment in all relationships. It is just a small puzzle piece we need to gain.
Masculine and Feminine and Vice Versa
In human beings there is both male and female energy. To really have the optimum dance with a horse requires that those energies are in balance, and used in a positive way. Both energies need to work at the appropriate times supporting each other in leadership. A horse needs a much higher percentage of female energy than male energy. However, as the relationship grows to a fine art of dancing, male energy creates the ultimate dance when the desire to be led, and to dance is the complete focus of the horse.
In Closing
We are all puzzle pieces and we need each other to be fulfilled. I believe what I have to offer is strengthening feminine empowerment through feminine leadership by giving women the ability to know what to allow and what not to allow, when to allow and when not to allow. Women by their nature are missing this puzzle piece to be truly empowered in the world of business and affairs of the heart. A woman’s power lies in their innate knowledge that leaders must follow the follower more than the follower ever needs to follow the leader in order to reach harmony in a working partnership.
There is a formula to a working partnership where both male and female energy create the perfect world. My understanding is that the map that you follow is the formula to achieving your goals. There are patterns to be followed that lead to goals. These patterns are thrown out because of people wanting short cuts.
Our journey needs to always be a study and lessons of our personal growth as we are reaching for our goals. This way, the journey stays sacred, and our ethics and morals and our heart are not destroyed by the goals that we set for ourselves.
We are now out of balance. We now are aware that we are.
Horses show us where fairness lies and guide us to our strengths and our missing parts and show us how to obtain our goals for the ultimate connection we are longing to achieve when we give them freedom to be who they are to lead us there.
May the Horse Be With You!
Carolyn
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It brings to mind for me, the saying,
‘Behind every successful man, there is a strong woman.’
is that leading from behind?
Carolyn is the expert and I bow to her wisdom (and especially interpretation) , but, if I may say so, I think ‘that’ is remarkably apt and much the way it works, for the leadership Carolyn shares is welfare based. Hence, Leading from Behind is an integral part of this process within the framework of the Rituals. Is that about right, Carolyn? Sorry if we are jumping the gun here:-)
Patience, patience, patience and more patience, is the key at the moment and not to be lost in the first process of Sharing Territory, is it? Point being that this type of leading implies that a bond has already been established.
I hope this type of ‘talking in class’ is OK, in this instant, Carolyn, as I can see that trying to be helpful could easily back-fire and interfere with the natural flow and logic of your class and approach. I’ll try to behave.
Ian
Dear Ian,
I am sorry, I just found your comment. I think that you have a good instinct in want I am looking for in my class. The subject on this blog certainly invites discussion.
I really Like your approach,
Carolyn
Hi Carolyn,
What I am about to share I think I have even read in your publications… but I am wondering if there might not be a great difference between men of conquering cultures versus others.
Because the plains Indians men, when they saw a horse with which they wanted to bond, would follow that horse for as many days or weeks as it took for the horse to turn around and face them. As far as I know, they did not trap horses but worked slowly with them… following, following, following until the horse put aside its fear and decided to work with them.
I don’t know but I hope this is an encouragement to the men out there who would like to learn from you. There is so much to be said for the kind of culture into which we are born, as to determining the expressions of male and female characteristics.
If you will pardon an anecdote, a prominent writer from the Montana area of my birth once published a diatribe in a Boston publication, saying that the wild west was no place for women, never had been and that the few rowdy legends of these wild women were anomalies if not untruths.
I called him up and said something to him that stopped him cold: I reminded him that until his illustrious, conquering forebears showed up in Montana, there were hundreds of thousands of women in Montana and had been for ages… only that they were native Americans. I’ll never forget the chagrin with which he answered me: “I didn’t think of that.” He ate his words.
In summary, I think being born into a dominant culture may be the greatest obstacle to achieving the peaceful bond of which you write – perhaps more so than gender. Your thoughts?
Checking in
Dear Carolyn
I am sure you could easily interest more men in your class by changing focus slightly more at times and bringing out more of our differences and relative strengths as you did in this post.
Nevertheless, I appreciate your insights in the present one because I feel I may be rather too quick to define rigid boundaries such that I may overlook the horse on the other side of them. Your point about getting the boundary just right so that subtle, (beautiful) communication still permeates through is essential – and yes, emphasizing the on-going (subtle) dynamic of it all; not applying more than it takes, which is wonderfully efficient, too. You know, not overworking it (as I tend to do.)
Clearly, you will be writing about Leading From Behind soon. Here, you might like to bring out how this is stallion activity and more of a male role – at least in horses but not only, I think. I notice that the mares seem to expect me to act this way and find it a much easier than Sharing Territory, for example. Anyway, just some ideas..
A very good SUN day to you!
Ian
Dear Ian,
Thank you I will always consider these ideas in the future.