The Power of Approach Using the Waterhole Rituals
May 18th, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
I have a new haflinger mare named Marilynne that I have taken into training to help with the Insider Circle program courses I am currently teaching. When I brought her to the ranch no-one could put a halter on her because she would not allow herself to be approached. It was not an easy job for me to get one on her but I did and she is now here at the ranch with me.
Marilynne is a special case because she is very fearful and not the kind of horse that I recommend for beginners doing my course for the first time. I will have to proceed at a slower pace with her, which will help you to see the many details of my Method.
To her credit, Marilynne is smart willing, and easy to train if she doesn’t get scared. Her previous owners thought that she was difficult to train because she did not respond well to their aggressive training approach, which they subjected her to over a long period. They aggressively round penned her, chasing her at top speeds with her head tied to her saddle while lunging. As punishment, they left her tied in a stall with her head to the saddle.
At fist when I would go down to the barn to see her, I could hear her screaming inside “I need to escape” looking around for some place to hide. She responds to the Rituals well, but does not want to be touched. Of course, you know I started my relationship with her by Sharing Territory. Sitting with her and feeding her treats is the only agenda I offered her. I wanted to bring out the nuisance in her, which would help our relationship evolve to the next stage. Marilynne loved eating out of my hand as long as I did not make any other movement to touch her. Sometimes she would jump 20 feet away from me for no apparent reason other than the subtleties of my swallowing or shifting my eye balls. Interestingly, this same horse is not afraid of things most horses are terrified of, like the other day a truck came into the ranch scaring another horse down in the in the area and drove up the hill dumping 20 tons of gravel next to Marilynne’s paddock. Marilynne just watched the event without any concern at all. This is every typical of horses that have been traumatized. They become very fearful of what traumatized them so much that they are not really aware of anything other than their trauma. Her behavior around humans is so ingrained in her; she responds on automatic pilot like a wild beast without a brain, something that has no control over its own reaction. Sometimes she reacts out of habit or uses her fear for control. Other times she is truly griped in fear.
Sometimes when her new owner Lynne would be with her in her paddock, Marilynne would spontaneously jump and Lynne would be surprised that she responded so fearfully. I was not concerned. I would just sit in her paddock, talk, and feed her horse. Marilynne did not seem to change much in the first two weeks of sitting with her. Lynne commented on her lack of progress and was always surprised when her mare took one of those long jumps sideways or run around in her paddock griped in fear because I was there. Again I wasn’t worried. I told Lynne that it had become Marilynne’s normal behavior, and that I was more interested in paying attention in the seconds she was fine with us and I was noticing a big shift because those moments between the jumps were getting longer and longer. It was my job to allow the passing of time to become for her about understanding that I am the best part of her day. Funny thing about evolution is that you can actually get in the way of its progress by trying to force the result.
Marilynne began changing from of my attitude of acceptance. Accepting her jumping and her response to running away as normal. Because I paid no attention to her jumping at all and did not try to sooth her it did not bring focus to the behavior I was working to reshape. However, when Marilynne would jump as a habit, she missed out the treats and she did not like that at all. If she jumped while I was giving her a treat, I would then step out of her pen and feed her treats to her best friend Rosalie next door. Marilynne would get incensed and pin her ears at Rosalie. After a short while of this, when Marilynn would jump, she would return to me very quickly to keep me from going to Rosalie, pining her ears at Rosalie and perking her ears forward at me trying to discourage me from leaving her by acting less afraid.
Haltering is still a challenger but the difference is night and day. When she acts afraid I can push her out of it by telling her in a gruff voice not to be silly and then I will back up to draw her to me. I must be very careful and choose just the right amount of volume, not too strong. I am trying some Uberstreichen Exercises by standing in front of her and asking her to drop her head. She really doesn’t drop her head but I pretend she does and she tolerates my trying to manipulate her nose by allowing me to rock her head sideways and in and out. She is, I believe enjoying it.
Last message: Don’t expect results. Results happen from doing the routine on a regular basis. Many times the breakthrough happens when the day before your horse seemed to be getting nowhere. I see that some people are still thinking of training the horse to respond to the Rituals properly rather than just practicing the Rituals with out expecting performance or improvement. When your horse seems off course just go with it. By not reacting to negative behavior, the horse forgets how to react negatively, your horse will be better off for it and so will the dance.
Enjoy your week
Carolyn
No related posts.
How interesting to be prompted to focus on the positive behavior not on the negative, that is a natural successful approach to reshaping behaviors. I wonder how I forgot that while with the horses. So much to “undo” in me.
Dear Carolyn
Well, that was an honest, sincere and touching lesson: even the greatest have to begin at the beginning and be open to the process of making a connection.
I remember some previous comments suggesting that you tend to focus on showing the end product of the process. And here you are revealing the beginning in all its simplicity and beauty.
It was truly captivating imagining you and Marilynne! Really empowering… you are a wonderful teacher.
“Don’t expect results. Results happen from doing the routine on a regular basis. ”
Oh boy it’s so easy to fall back in the “results” frame of mind. Especially when ones schedule is so full and you are trying to make time. I need constant reminders. What a blessing for Marilynne to find you.
Thanks,
Regina
Where are the videos of Marilynne? Maybe only for the current Insider circle?
Thanks,
Kate
from the last insider circle
Hi Carolyn, (Insiders circle)
Thank you for your blogs. They are truly inspiring and very helpful.
I have been away from my horses for 10 days and really only got to the other rituals briefly after the two weeks of ST. Listening to the Sunday calls I thought I would be so far behind the class. Yesterday I took my horses out individually for our ST and other rituals and it was amazing. It was like I never left. I had no expectations and I used the waterhole rituals as a warm up.
My one aloof horse who doesn’t freely interact with people unless there is something in it for him kept hanging around me since he knew I had a bucket of goodies under my chair. He would come over, check me out and then leave so I introduced saying hello and leading from behind. After about 45 minutes I was able to have the most wonderful companion walking/magnetic connection. I had just walked away from a saying hello. He walked at my slow and fast pace, halted, trotted fast and slow. We did circles. I was so thrilled that he chose to be with me and he stayed with his shoulder at mine. It meant so much to me but I resisted throwing my arms around him and hugging him. He hates to be fussed over, doesn’t even like being brushed so it took some self control to not be physical. His reward was that I just stayed calm, relaxed and in the moment for him.
It took a long time for me to realize what you said about not expecting results. They just happen when everything comes together. One must be patient when dealing with horses and that for me has been a difficult thing to do but I am so happy to be where I am now.
Dear Carolyn,
This post was especially helpful to me since one of the difficulties I have had is with Snowy’s spookiness. It really helps to hear how you handle that kind of thing–by ignoring it. And you are right–expectations get in the way of things. But I see more and more, it is my expectations of myself–if I were doing things “right” then the problem would resolve–rather than just be with the horse and relax, let time and a the new approach work their magic. Thanks, I will follow Marilynne’s story with great interest.
Carolyn – thank you so much for this article. I related to it a lot as one of my mares is like Marilynn. I was especially interested in the point about trauma and ignoring something more obviously ‘spooky’ as “This is every typical of horses that have been traumatized. They become very fearful of what traumatized them so much that they are not really aware of anything other than their trauma.” Azulita displays this in her behaviour
Azulita, an American Spanish Colonial [Spanish Mustang], is 11 years old this year and had a very troubled life before she came to me and although all my adult mares were ‘range bred’ and arrived with little or no handling this mare has been my hardest so far. She is also a mystery as I have lunged her at liberty and I was amazed to discover she knows voice commands for ‘walk’ ‘trot and ‘canter’. When I ask her to stop it is only this that will make her turn in and attempt to meet up with me. I find that what I am somehow doing is ‘unlocking’ her. You article was very timely and I like the way you explain things clearly.
Insiders Circle
Just checking in. What a touching story. Thank you for sharing it and the videos of Marilynne. I am completely engrossed. She is such a beautiful mare and I am so glad she is with you, and you are sharing her with us.
We have a rescued horse at our barn. She had a terrible situation, but we are all giving her love and laughter and she is starting to communicate with us and nicker to us when she sees us. When I first saw her, she was like a vision and I could nearly see wings on her back and a magical unicorn horn. She is a gift. Her owner is wonderful. She was so malnourished that they didn’t realize once she had gained the weight back that her bones were still weak. During training, she shattered her fetlock. However, it has now healed through the love and patience of her owner and she is with us. Many at the barn have joined in to love and show her the life she really deserved and she is flourishing. I had the honor of being with her for some work with an equine massage therapist. I talked to her and kept my energy very relaxed, she was used to me from having me give her WHR hellos, the massage therapist also listened well to her and she was able to trust enough to have her neck put back into place, some of her body rubbed and her fetlock worked with, it was an amazing energy of learning and trust that day, and it is continuing daily.
what a wonderful post Carolyn. Thank you. I have mentioned my young Thoroughbred stallion (I call him Monkey as he has always been ‘my little Monkey’) a few times. He is not one who wants a lot of petting. Sometimes he allows his face stroked, mostly he prefers I keep my hands to myself.
Handling him using your techniques is working quite well, I think. He doesn’t really like to have the halter put on, usually, I lead him from behind and he goes into his stall, but I wonder if I am leading him from behind or just following him.
Anyway, I haven’t pressed him about the haltering, when I go out to get him, I offer the halter and if he doesn’t want to put his head in, we wait. If he decides to head to the barn, I follow him, but lately we’ve just been standing where we are. So, I offer the halter again, and he might allow it, or turn his head away. Again, I wait, so, to make a long story short, today, I went out to the paddock, held up the halter and he put his head right in.
I am trying to keep from most people’s, and my own, perceptions that allowing a stallion to not do what you ask is asking for trouble. I think we are doing OK.
Candle Hill, are you close to Tampa, FL? I live outside of Plant City, in Thonotosassa. I hope Carolyn doesn’t mind my asking you this on her blog, but if you’d like, I’d love to meet you and your horses and have you meet mine. It would be so nice to have someone of the same mindset to discuss horses with. If you’d like, please e-mail me
neighbor@gate.net Please put Carolyn Resnick in the subject line, so I don’t just delete it.
Hi Carolyn,
It was a wonderful gift that we get to see you work with this mare. First because it is slower and I think I learn more from what doesn’t work than a perfect video. Waiting is such a great response to learn. My horses are happier with every little bit that I improve. I think they thank me for trying even when I am not perfect.
Dear Carolyn,
Insider Circle
Thankfully, Marilynne has been rescued! It’s wonderful to be able to follow along with her progress on the videos.
For me, this is one of the most meaningful posts to date. By means of the Rituals (sharing space, specifically) you are building communication and a relationship with Marilynne. The bottom line, however, is that you are improving her life, relieving her extreme stress, discomfort, fear, and phobia of people. It’s about her well being through the Rituals.
I sometimes get results-oriented with the Rituals. When I do, Roscoe tells me because he gets a little distant. When I again have no expectations, we are again connected, and he is happy. I just need to remember that the only results I need to look for are signs of his well being. The Rituals are for helping me to help him be well-adjusted, happy, secure, confident, trusting, focussed, playful, and curious.
Karin
Dear Carolyn,
Loved your comment;
“Don’t expect results. Results happen from doing the routine on a regular basis. ”
I am a mover and a doer. I need to DO something when I ST with my horses. I usually ST with a student present so I can chat. The horses are curious about the whole deal and come over to check us out. The student learns, I learn, and the horses graze closer to us. It is less boring for me, and I am not thinking of all the “stuff” I need to do. In this way, I can rid myself of the day’s agenda.
Yesterday, I needed to weed my overgrown garden, and I had a choice between weeding and ST. I decided to weed the garden closest to the pasture. The horses were on the far side of the pasture, and I was not sure they could see me down on the ground. Well, within 15 minutes they were next to fence as close as they could get to me. I stopped weeding, crawled through the fence, (the horses are always amazed that I can pass through a fence that shocks them) and visited with both horses before going back to my weeding. It was very interesting.
Since ST, I have seen a big difference in Erick, (my Fjord) but not so much in Lyle, (my Mustang). Erick has been working harder for the student while on the ground and “under saddle”. (For balance and feel purposes, students learn to ride with a halter, and bareback, before using a saddle or bridle.) He is responding to requests with a better attitude, and is more eager to move out and extend his body. He has a much better “work ethic”. All this from a “tank” of a horse.
Lyle, on the other hand, has become more dominate towards me while in hand. I am constantly setting boundries, and trying to keep him out of my space. He has become resistant to my requests; much like a 2,3, or 4 year old child with too much permission. He has never been a mean horse, but he is very high energy and is very curious. For that reason, I am always giving him something new to do with his mind and body. He usually loves it. Other than ST, no other changes have occured. Do you have any suggestion or comment for me Carolyn? My horse seems frustrated.
Toni
Dear Carolyn,
I just had some technical difficulty with my post. Hopefully by sending this, the other will post.
Karin
Dear Carolyn,
Thankfully, Marilynne has been rescued! It is wonderful to be able to follow along with her progress on the videos.
For me, this is one of the most meaningful posts to date. By means of the Rituals (sharing territory, specifically) you are building communication and a relationship with Marilynne. The bottom line is that you are ultimately improving her life, relieving her extreme stress, discomfort, fear, and her phobia of people.
This helps me immensely to see where my focus needs to be. I sometimes get results-oriented when applying the Rituals, “training the horse to respond to the Rituals properly.” I become aware of it when Roscoe becomes a little distant, and our connection weakens. Once I have no expectations, we are again connected, and Roscoe is happy. And that is where my focus needs to be, applying the Rituals to help my horse to be well-adjusted, happy, secure, confident, trusting, interested, focussed, playful, curious, etc. If I am results oriented, I am thinking more about myself rather than doing the Rituals for Roscoe.
Karin
PS while the videos posted, Carolyn, show work with a very ‘difficult’ horse, it does help to show the slowness and quietness that I for one need to learn, since I believe I am still very hurried and ‘loud’ a lot of the time, even though I am getting so much better. I find them incredibly useful, thanks!
Susan, IC, Italy, checking in here. Candle HIll, and Nan, I love your stories and wish I could help you directly or indirectly but we are too far apart! What kind souls you are to give so much to these deserving but difficult guys! I wish you all the best in your journeys together and hope that you find a wonderful home for your TB, Candle.
As for the idea of a mass meditation, Kirsty/Moyna, count me IN!
best
susan
Hi Nan,
Thank you for your story, you could perhaps read and see the story of taming the frightened mare spirit and my rescue horses. It has been a long journey coached by Carolyn. Most of the horses started off having many difficulties like the one you describe Jonny has.
I think the Waterhole Rituals can help Jonny and yourself in how to help him remove his block of fear towards other people.
Kind regards Stina
Dear Carolyn,
I have followed your blog well beyond a year now, have read your book, studied your way with horses on tapes, practiced it here with our herd of four. Reading about this mare and stories of others who have found such deep connection using the Rituals, I find myself struggling with a question. I wonder if others practicing your way with horses who have difficulty with human interaction have struggled with it and found answers.
Here this question involves a rescue horse, Johnny, a big grey quarterhose, now almost 7. He was a Premarin foal and was “lost” on a farm of a private individual who undertook her own rescue operation. He was one of 26 horses there under the care of one individual . . . for years He came as a colt–perhaps 6 months–from Canada, but the next 5+ years simply ran in a field, unhandled, with one other bachelor stallion. His feet were never cared for. He finally had a bit of handling at 3, enough to catch and halter him so he might be gelded, but then again went for 2 years with little human interaction. I had volunteered there for a bit, helping feed and fill troughs, and came to believe this horse had a spark that deserved a chance to find a way to connect to the human world, as his stay at that farm was in jeopardy. We have given him time, time, time. In fact, he has grown into a lovely, soft, sensitive horse now, well versed in ground manners.
The question: Johnny offers so much in our one-to-one interactions, but that does not seem to transfer to those who come to care for him. How might one help a horses like this new horse you work with or this big guy accept others who must work with them? Our farrier–gentle, patient, a well-versed horseman–finally said after a year he just has not the heart to work with him further. I have tried to step up to the plate, am learning trimming skills because of my great anxiety over the state of his hooves. Johnny has allowed me now to trim him twice–back and front–with great quietness. But he continues to have issues with others that come to offer health care.
Have you found a way to help a horse such as the one you wrote of today and one such as Johnny to make that leap of trust of others when care is needed by vet or other specialist.
Thanks for your thoughts. I hope this is not a foolish question. Your work has brought such a gift here to my life and the lives of our horses. Our two mares were also rescues and unhandled, but young at 2, when we began work with them. They have grown lovely and gentle and open, but Johnny’s seems another story as perhaps are other horses out there.
Nan
Hey Kirsty, #18
that’s a brilliant idea!
I often pray/meditate on the healing of sad horses & awakening of kindness in humans. I visualise a tsunami of awareness & love, gathering power & sweeping over the whole world.
Imagine the power of us all doing it at the same time, yeeeeeeesssssss!
I’m in the southern hemisphere, but I’d happily set my alarm to join in, whatever time it takes place.
So you’ve got 1 meditation mate…
Anyone else?
It’s hard to believe someone could do that and call it training! I hope if we keep focusing on recognising and honouring horses needs then our energy will help transform those people. Perhaps we could organise a monthly mass meditation on awakening horsepeople and healing those horses suffering because of humans?
So glad Marilyn is safe, I’m looking forward to seeing how she benefits from the WRC.
Thanks Carolyn.
Carolyn, thank you so much for those wonderful videos and your detailed commentary on how to perform the rituals mentally as well as physically. Thank you also for selecting a horse who is the polar opposite of that magnificent, very confident, Andalusian youngster in last year’s videos.
Watching these videos this morning I made the decision to acquire a new horse, something I have been trying to avoid because the last thing I need is another horse. He is an exceptionally attractive 5 year old black-bay TB off the track with a huge shoulder and hip and beautiful movement. One of my students spotted this add in a Tampa classified: “You catch him, you can have him for $500.” The attached photo was breathtaking. I did not want him, but could not resist the challenge, and went to offer my services as a free horse-catcher. He turned out to be easy to catch; very sensitive, very worried about people, desperately looking for someone kind to bond with, with intelligent, wide-set, gentle eyes and a beautiful sculpted head. He started following me around at liberty within half an hour, even let me fly spray him, something his owner had not been able to manage. I went back a second time to play with him (and apply more fly spray) and his nicker of recognition touched my heart. I’ve been thinking about him a lot and made the decision just now as I watched the new videos again to take him home with me and follow your program with him from the start. But keeping him forever is not an option for me. If anyone knows someone in or near Florida looking for a very beautiful 16 hand gelding with tons of potential for dressage, please put them in touch with me. I’ll post his photo on the Ning website.
(In a Box)
Wow, I see the videos about Marilyn have already started. Thanks!
“Don’t expect results. Results happen from doing the routine on a regular basis. (…..) When your horse seems off course just go with it.”
Thank you Carolyn, these are good ones for me
.
Wouldn’t videos of the ongoing process with Marilynne be great for the class
?
@ Amelia (#12), I loved your story about your mare’s ‘crown’. Very creative communication!
Hi Carolyn and All,
So many strange and lovely things happen when you start WHR….. Best thing ever.
Love this post. Missing a video too…
How do you halter her ?
Anyway just have to mention a quite funny thing that happend yesterday.
I had been ‘working’ with my coldblood and wanted to shift over to my small PRE. I let my coldblood out in the paddock and called my PRE.
He started to walk towards me but my coldblood ‘grapped’ his halter, turned him around and dragged him the other way and then held on to him.
Apparently he didnt want me to work with my PRE, so I had to go get him myself. Asking my coldblood to let go and then walked with my PRE towards the ‘training place’. The whole time my coldblood stood outside the training place and watched every move. Afterwards they both got a carrot and all was well
Dear Carolyn,
You have the patience of a saint and are an inspiration to us all. I wish you luck in your journey with lucky little Marilynne, and look forward to hearing how things progress. By nature I’m not as patient as you are, but have made huge strides in that area since beginning your Method. I’m a better trainer, friend, mother, and wife as a result. Thank you for what you’ve taught me.
Love, Carol
Carolyn,I have worked with several ponies like Marilynne.
The water hole rituals work.I do the head movements without a halter most of the time.just fingertips floating
I found that just by moving the air around the head without touching the head, back and forth, works great .Very tiny movements in fact . like a glance- fractions . Even from a distance ! Owning the head is magic –even if it is just a glance . Someone watching might not see it. The head drops.
If they move off -well , go off then- soon they are right back asking it seems to have their head moved. Maybe enjoying the movements?
one mare – miss Charm -very difficult to catch in a big field. I was having fun, she was comical.I asked her to put her head in the halter -she went off- so I ambled after her for 2 hours asking hello every so often and asking her to put her head in the halter. I would stop ,she would stop – I would “hello”- then walk away as if she shocked me with her look- then i would politely ask if she would like to wear this”crown” (halter) No- she went off- so I ambled on after her -Then I made a deal with her – It was her job to wear the “crown ” to go to a green field. Soon, I held it up and she did not walk off, I walked off humm.Then she stuck her nose in , I walked off quick several times .I persisted because she needed moved. Then ,she literally stuck her head in her “crown”. and got a cookie. Now she asks every day “you got my crown”? so easy to halter -just her idea. She seeks attention. I am amused how it works . Thank you sooo much!!!
Carolyn,
Reading this makes me just cringe/cry when I think of how I “trained” my mare. She is now 17 years old and I cannot believe she has forgiven me for all the stuff I’ve done to her. I do believe she is thinking “finally…she is beginning to “get it”.” She has been with me her entire life, I dream of her often and feel incredibly connected to her. Her responses to the waterhole rituals have been pretty amazing to me. I wish I could be the “woman” she is. Luckily she is a tough, sensitive horse-woman of heart.
Carolyn
I so pleased to hear of Marilyn’s progress and your detailed insights of her traumatic past and her fearful response to this treatment. Also her ability to calm down as she gains a bond with you and her ear movements when you will give treats to her neighbor. She is such a beauty!
Your comments help me think about how to treat people who have been traumatized.
Sally
PS A video would be great.
There are too many horses like Marilynne. Among my rescues are two (one is a mule). Using other techniques, they made progress, but only to limited extent. Learning to apply the approach in your account is exactly why I am here. I hope you will continute to provide detailed accounts of what you do and how she behaves.
Beautiful account of forming trust. Thank you.
Marilynne is a lucky horse now. Look forward to hearing more about her.
Hi Carolyn,
checking in, always reading your blog. I’m so glad to hear that Marilynne is in your hands (so to speak). Again and again, your wise attitude that results will come when you don’t expect them is very inspiring. I wish we could see videos of you working with Marilynne.
Hope you are well.
Christian
Carolyn,
Your description of Marilynne’s previous “training” horrified me. What incredible damage can be inflicted on a horse by people who no doubt believed that what they were doing was in her best interests. I own two Haflingers. As I read your post, I pictured my mare Folly in the hands of such trainers, and it tugs at my heart to think what she may have endured, that has made her so shut down that I measure progress by how far she turns her head when I walk into her paddock, and whether she ventures a step toward me after Hello.
Folly has haltering issues too, and like Marilynne, she likes having her head rocked sideways. She’s really good at dropping her head if I tug slightly on the lead rope. She’s not at all fearful of a loud crinkly tarp being tossed over her head, but she spooks at equipment in the arena, and she is very fearful when she sees a whip.
I like your last paragraph – don’t have expectations, trust the process. I look forward to hearing more about Marilynne.
Thanks Carolyn for another inspiring lesson!
Your method speaks directly to my heart. It’s like a series of ‘eureka moments’ for me… and somehow like finding something inside, that was always there, but hidden by ‘expectation of results’.
By the way, I did go ahead & buy Buddy (how could I not?) the big, lonely & scared TB. By doing the WRs with him he has already opened up & I can see how much he wants to interact.
He is still a touch wary, but by giving him the choice to leave any time, he no longer ‘startles’ but quietly moves only a small space away if he’s not sure about something.
And, he has started to watch with great interest when Hero & I do our ‘silly run & play’ games. Perhaps soon he will feel safe enough to play too. We will wait, ‘with no expectations’!
Whinneys,
Moyna, Hero & Buddy
Dear Carolyn,
It is soo good that Marilynne have come to your ranch, I am so happy for her and all us readers who can read the example on how to use time and your method to help her.
Sun and Rain from St. Vincent / Stina
In the Box student
Carolyn,
Thank you so much for this post. I was crying by the end of it. You could have been writing about my mare and what I have been through with her this past year….the jumpiness and even the not paying attention to things that could really be scary – but hyper-focused on those things (humans) who have definitely been scary in the past.
I found your work about 6 months ago and it has helped me so much in working through the fear and trauma of my friend. It helped me to know that I was doing some things right and some things not so right – and has helped me in so many other ways as well. Just since starting the In the Box program there has been so much healling.
Emma