Using Time To Train Your Horse
May 13th, 2010 by Carolyn Resnick Method
When a horse is responding to me from my influence, I am focused on what he or she is feeling in the moment. I want my horse to be engaged so that I can develop his interest to dance with me with enthusiasm, looking forward to the adventure and challenges that face our growing relationship. I want the partnership to be a co-creative adventure. When I listen to my horse in each moment, I can capitalize on furthering the relationship and his performance by making adjustments to my leadership approach and the horse’s program. I adjust my leadership and the program to fit the evolution of the horse’s dance behavior while at the same time building his interest in learning and performing.
Every time I am training, my big focus is on evolving my skills of connection and courtship to keep the dance alive. I also focus on being sure that I bring my horse enough fulfillment of his need for companionship and connection, which is important to a horses psyche. Sometimes courtships are not smooth and we often make mistakes and in turn make over-corrections. It is through the “making–up” that we re-establish the bond that makes our connection even stronger. Your relationship with your horse will be strengthened through the trial and error you experience practicing the Waterhole Rituals while staying focused on the balance between the bond and respect you share.
One of the keys to success is allowing the time it takes to grow the connection without effort or agenda. It is always a good idea to start with a clean slate, temporarily forget where you are and check in to sense and see the real reality of the moment and who your horse is today and right now.
Time has an ability to grow the relationship you share with your horse. I would like to hear from you on what you think I mean by this, giving me an example of how time has contributed to the advancement of the training of your horse. Or how your relationship has grown deeper from the passing of time only. Or how you stopped the evolution of the bond from having too much of an agenda and so not allowing the passage of time to advance the connection for you.
When you focus too much on the advancement of the Rituals, it stops evolution through time from supporting you. Think of baking a cake, turning on the oven and waiting for the cake to be done. If you have not put the ingredients together, the oven will not make a cake. However, if you put the ingredients together and into the oven, and allow the oven to do its magic without any interruptions from you, the evolution that time brings indeed produces a cake.
There is a heartbeat I want you to learn how to grow. You can do this through reflection and experimentation. A simple away to evaluate the situation of how to handle your horse and the agenda you choose or not choose, is to experiment with a horse by pushing and pausing and patting. Too much patting and you will loose the respect. Too much pushing will lose the desire and too much pausing will loose the interest. You as the trainer are responsible for creating the cosmic soup your horse will learn from. Like a man does when courting a woman or a teacher who knows how to motivate a child to learn. While observing and being attentive to your horse in the moment, you will learn to make those fine and subtle adjustments that create the perfect balance in your relationship.
An interesting thing about relationship is, if it is not growing to a deeper level, the level that it’s at will weaken. You’ve got to keep depositing money into that relationship account to make it stronger and richer Many times this takes an effort. Relationship is a funny thing, you can actually be the cause of it’s demise but that downfall can create the opportunity for you to grow the relationship even deeper through the effort it takes to repair it, and how you choose to proceed from that point. Courting and romance I believe, is the name of the game with horses. The ups and downs you experience together are part of the courting process and it is these ups and downs that create the platform for the deepening of the relationship.
When your leadership is strong and inviting to the horse, making mistakes and seeing them right away allows you to opportunity to make the adjustment that would further the connection. Horses love that. The important piece is to make sure you start to observe and notice the actions and reactions that are occurring, then make the adjustments necessary to evolve] the depth of the relationship. Playing and pushing, and going too far and making up and coming back to the community. This is what horse’s lives are all about. Through being with horses like they are with each other, sharing space and practicing the Rituals, we bring to them dignity and an understanding they deserve.
Enjoy your weekend and I look forward to talking with the Inner Circle members on Sunday and Monday.
Carolyn
No related posts.
Hi everyone, Its great to learn that sharing territory and regular befriending ore the building blocks of horse training. I have been allowed to start handling a 6 yr old beautiful gypsy horse whom Ive been gentling naturally for a while now through visits in the field and treats, he comes to me when he sees me. now I have to get him used to being handled and groomed. Having read everyones comments Im wondering whats the best way to start without force, could someone advise me, would it be kinder to groom him in the field with his herd to start with? and than tie him up in his field than outside his field? as we have a bond and thats what I want to work with. Thanks.
This details truly helped me, I’m sharing with a couple of friends. I will likely be checking back regularly to look for updates.
Dear Carolyn,
another video, hope you like it, turn up the volume..
Energetic, enthusiastic and empowered
connecting through the waterhole rituals
sharing territory and
imagining the high energy
reconnect and
feel the draw
then
release
into the abstract dance
energetic
empowered
enthusiastic
now breath deep and
get high on life
“When a horse is responding to me from my influence, I am focused on what he or she is feeling in the moment. I want my horse to be engaged so that I can develop his interest to dance with me with enthusiasm, looking forward to the adventure and challenges that face our growing relationship. I want the partnership to be a co-creative adventure.”
“I adjust my leadership and the program to fit the evolution of the horse’s dance behavior while at the same time building his interest in learning and performing.”
Very important statement, I also realize I am learning to put theses statements into practice
so to answer your question in your blog what I think if using time in training horses, then my answer is yes it is a very important training element and it works so well for me and my horses.
I use alot of time between sessions, time with the horses, time for break, time for herd life, time for sharing territory
my video answer to this blog is on my youtube
Kind regards Stina
Hi Carolyn,
Thanks so much for your reply and your suggestions.
No, Im not in your class. I discovered you just after the enrolments closed. I have been working my way through all your blogs and trying to pick things up along the way. And obviously making mistakes. I would be very interested in joining your next group, but am wondering how this would work as I live in Australia.
Thanks again you are a real inspiration.
Jill
Carolyn,
Here are my thoughts on the influence of time.
Time is an essential element to any relationship. On this journey we are taking through your WHR, we cannot learn either the WHR method, or how to apply it correctly, or use it to shape our horse’s character and attitude, in one session.
It takes time for me to get better at reading my horse’s language and responding correctly. It takes time to learn horse culture. It takes time for those lessons to integrate with what I already know, and time for that to sweep away the settled dust of a lifetime of misconceptions.
It takes time for my horse to overcome her past, the baggage she came to me with, her disappointment in the way she had been misunderstood, her distrust of human motivation.
In time she will see that I am getting better at showing her who I am and that I am trying to give her a better deal. In time I will become consistent in my approach to her, and it is time, and time alone, that will allow her to judge my integrity by that consistency, and reward me with her trust.
But the big truth is that the time spent with my horse to reach that goal, the very journey itself, is the real, irreplaceable prize.
I would like to share an interesting change in my most advanced horse, Z, over the past two days. It is so startling that I wonder if it is possible to attribute it entirely to the WH rituals (which I am still struggling to fully understand, to “grok” as Robert Heinlein put it). Or whether there my be some physical factor involved, like maybe one of the supplements I feed him finally kicking in.
Z has been sticking with me at liberty for years, in that forced-looking way where the horse maintains a pretty consistent shoulder-to-shoulder position with you at all gaits, and halts straight as soon as you do, as if the two of you were on parade, because that’s what you taught him to do. It is fun to watch and fun for me to do, but I’ve never been sure how much fun it really is for my horses.
Ever since Carolyn made that comment about Sharing Territory with the mind-set of a foal at peace with the world, I’ve been taking myself there as best I can while sharing territory with Z. Since we began ST about a month ago, he would mostly stand over me, not seriously grazing or paying more than perfunctory attention to the hay I put out, sometimes lipping me, sometimes dozing. But I sensed in him feelings that mirrored my own true inner desire that I get off my seat and start doing something, because that is how we’ve related to each other for years. But the poetry of Carolyn’s comment captured my soul somehow and I started to get into a more meditative state a few days ago. Z and I do some ST before we do anything else these days.
Last night was the first time I noticed this big change in Z’s level of animation. I usually let my horses out of the pasture in two and threes and they follow me into the barn, where they eat hay in their stalls while waiting to be showered off. I almost never use a halter or neck rope, and they almost never wander off. But last night Z came out with a couple of more dominant horses who are not his close buddies. The other two followed me into the barn but Z wandered off, ending up visiting with the two-year-old stallions pastured about 300 yards away. I got the other horses settled in their stalls, then came out to retrieve Z. I usually walk towards him and call him, sort of a Hello ritual, and when I get to within a few dozen feet, he usually trots over to me. But last night, when I was still almost 300 yards away, he pricked his ears when I called him and galloped — really flew — to me, sliding to a stop on the tarmac that made me glad he was barefoot and not shod in slippery shoes. The speed and, how should I put it, maybe ‘energy’ or ‘eagerness’ of his response really surprised me.
This morning it was drizzling but we shared territory for a while anyway. I got restless, however, and decided after a short while to take him for a walk at liberty in a large 80 acre tract that has only a perimeter fence. I figured I’d just follow him for a while as he grazed (the grass there is really nice). But what happened was transformational. He was very up, very high energy, jogging along and around me. It was exactly like walking a herding-type dog, who keeps certain radius around you, romping and sniffing as he chooses, but never losing the connection. I ran and Z ran with me, not in his designated place alongside of me, but freely passing me and circling around. He stopped when I stopped, lowered his great neck and walked with me, sometimes following me, sometimes leading me. It was wild, unprecedented in my long experience with horses. I led him down to the scary pond in the big dark trees, where we had to slow down because he got worried, but he never left me. We walked a whole circle around the farm, maybe a mile, and the feeling was beyond words. The light rain became a downpour and Z, who hates being out in the rain, stayed with me when we headed back to the barn. What can I say, it was magical. Z is a big, high energy TB, but he usually keeps his energy tamped down to my level. I, in turn, always thought of my training as a way to gently lower his natural energy down to levels where I could manage it, and I have pretty much done that. But this feeling was entirely new to me. His natural energy was working with me, not against me. I don’t know how to really describe it, but it was strange and wonderful.
I would like to share what I have seen change in my mare and my relationship with her (and all animals!) since WHR.
When I got my mare 1 1/2 years ago, she was nothing more than a pasture ornament in her previous life. She was 5 years old, never had any handling, nor any human to truly connect with. Therefore, I found that although she wasn’t a ‘naughty, spoiled’ horse, she had very little desire to do anything beyond the bare minimum that was asked of her.
When I would ask her to try harder, or to learn something new, she would show all sorts of attitudes (ranging from lack of focus, boredom to anxiety, distrust).
I started WHR with her as soon as I got her, and naturally it took time to form a true bond, but now, 1 1/2 years later, this mare tries SSOOOOO HARD for me, no matter what I ask of her. She is enthusiastic, eager, happy. She likes to please me and will often spontaneously offer up some of the ‘tricks’ she knows (like spanish walk, picking up items off the ground, etc) just to get my attention. She follows me anywhere at liberty, even by scary objects, over things that worry her. When she does something that I don’t approve of (ie- pulling her foot out of my hand during cleaning) she will literally apologize! She does this by changing her facial expression and immediately going into self-carriage (which is odd, but true)!
What is best of all is other people around me who do NOT develop relationships with their horses REALLY notice the HUGE difference in my horse vs theirs and the fact that I’m a rookie at all this. A trainer I work with a lot, who has many similar pricinples to WHR is so impressed with how well this mare has come along. He had not seen her/ us at play together in nearly 6 months and really noticed the willingness that has developed in my horse, and the willingness in my to TRUST HER!
This was all through 15-60 mins/day of nothing but TIME and use of WHR. All the other ‘training’ stuff which looks so great is a result of developing the WILLINGNESS in my horse, which came with time and the joy of just being with her and curiously awaiting ‘what will happen next’!
What a path we are on! I aim to get some Youtube video’s up one of these days… but I never have anyone to film, and as always, when you’re on the spot, things are never quite as smooth as when you’re in the moment!
Enjoy your day!
Nicole
Dear Sherry,
YOu could do this with him for awhile so he learns the routine. It could take a week of less you should be able to ride him if you can ride him alread with the other horses.
Hi Carolyn,
Thanks for your reply. I guess I didn’t convey the entire story to you as I wanted to keep it short. taking Cash to the arena was actually in addition to ST in the pasture with him in the herd . I spoke on the phone with you before beginning the WHR IC about how the entire herd are herd bound and when I want to ride by myself they act up. You suggested that I begin removing them one at a time from the herd so because of the weather constraints I took him to the arena.
The next day I repeated the excersize and he was very comfortable companion walking with me eating the hay that I put out for him and also letting me move him from one pile to another I did not keep him in too long as I wanted him to come and go with ease. Question……. Do I keep this up until I feel from him that I will be able to ride with him alone in the arena without a companion. No one else rides the horses at this farm. Thanks Sherry
Dear Carolyn,
Insider Circle member
Homework assignment: Sometimes time is my friend; other times it’s my enemy. I have caught myself focusing too much on the “advancement of the rituals” as you mentioned in your post. I periodically fall into this trap, which ironically hampers my progress. When this happens, I lose my connection to the purpose of the Rituals, and something goes missing in my relationship with Roscoe.
On the other hand, when I don’t try so hard, time becomes my friend. With the passing of time, I understand and interpret things that were not clear to me previously. I gain insight. (That is why I am re-reading Naked Liberty.) For example, on a late afternoon on a very cold, windy day in January, Roscoe and I were standing side by side looking into the distant field of horses when he began a game with me that horses play with each other, pretend back and forth biting as they stand next to each other. Every time he pushed his muzzle at me, I gently pushed against his muzzle. We did this back and forth many times. I never felt that he was going to bite because he did it so softly, but I remember asking myself why he was doing this. (Obviously, I have not been around horses all my life! Roscoe is my first.) Not until you gave people in your class the assignment as part of sharing territory to allow our horses to initiate reciprocal movement did a light bulb go on about that day in January, and I realized that Roscoe was inviting me to play.
Of course, time has allowed my relationship with Roscoe to grow stronger and multilayered. Instead of a superficial view of him, I see the many layers that make up who he is, his emotions, strengths, vulnerabilities, quirks, insecurities, and likes and dislikes, etc. Time has definitely allowed our relationship to grow deeper. Time has also allowed Roscoe to gradually reveal himself to me.
Karin
Dear Carolyn,
This is beautiful, thank you, I particularly like the foal in the long grass image. There are foals all around at the moment and they are a joy; free to leap or snooze as they like as mother is around. I start my time with the horses each day sharing territory in the field before inviting them to walk with me into the space where I will work with Sun individually. As I walk out with a stool, reed, book, coat I realise how task orientated and noisy I am. Before I get anywhere near the herd I pause, breath deeply and listen to what they can hear, smell the air and soak up the energy of the moment. I then walk over to see if the calf is in the next field or something and then sit myself down, not having interacted with the herd one bit, with eye contact or with my mind. In seconds they come up to see me.
I have practised the sitting in the field routine for about a year now, however, since starting the programme and pausing to really be in their space, consciously not sending messages, the effect has been incredible over night and now the whole herd, even the not so keen on people members, greet me very naturally, and without shoving.
A beautiful moment of synchronicity happened the other day. I was deep in my book and the horses were not close by nor were they in my peripheral vision. Every so often I would (for no conscious reason) look up from my book and find myself looking in the direction all four were looking in. By not consciously ‘thinking’ myself close to the herd, I experienced keeping time with the herd by responding to the magnetic pull that links them (us?) and keeps them vigilant as one.
Thanks, Joanna in-a-box student
Some thoughts from me
I have been reading “The foals first lesson” (Naked Liberty) and when reading it everything became clear to me in a deeper level. I have understood the method but know all of a sudden it fell in to me. It´s like a big WOW.
That Carolyn wrote to Renee # 25 that is what have helped me.
Practicing to stay in the moment and let go of the doings. And I think how importent it is to start with one self and when I am ready the horse and I can start building the bond and from that a new journey begins.
It so clear to me that you can not squeeze learning and awareness, it will come to you when you muted your thoughts.
Thanks!
Emma Duvefelt (In the Box)
Thank you (again!) for a wonderful post…..
“Time has an ability to grow the relationship you share with your horse.”
That is probably the biggest lesson I have learned in the past year. My horse was a rescued and had had little contact with humans for her 21 years. No one had ever watched out for her.
We share territory all the time….her barn is about 25 feet from our house and she knows where I am as I know where she is all the time. If she is nervous outside – I can see – and I can “take care of her nervousness” which has been very enriching to our relationship. She knows that if she is frightened she can call to me and I will come to investigate. Sometimes, she comes to the gate and stares at the house and I can “hear her” and go to her. Sometimes all she wants to do is say “hello”.
This past winter she became very ill, very suddenly. She hadn’t been with me for very long at that time. I saw her lie down in the snow and was there immediately for her. I could tell that she was surprised that I had noticed and I could tell that she knew that I cared deeply what happened to her. That is the episode that came to mind when I read your post. As we go through life experiences together our relationship strengthens. I think, over time, we have begun to weave a tapestry of a very rich relationship together.
Your writings and thoughts are helping me to be a better friend to her.
Emma
I must thank you, Carolyn for the following passage, written in response to a recent comment. This passage just (finally) communicated something important to me that I have been struggling to understand. You said:
But to truely expericance my first ritual you would join your horse in her world by let the stories go, the games go, the want, let it go, let the horse go and let yourself go. Listen and breath and experinace life in the moment like a foal relaxing in the sun in the tall spring grass. No thoughs, no conclusions, or acts of any kind. Let a feeling bubble up form your core that you could stay there forever enjoying your breath, the moment and your horse. Feel everyting that feels good inside and outside of you. Falling in love with the moment and the act of breathing, The act of being there in appreciation, doing nothing. It is a gift that will help you to connect with your horse in a very deep way.
Wow! I can feel it just reading it.
Dear Renee,
My first Ritual is to sit with a horse and do nothing this way you can practice being in the moment. Sharing Territory is done in a place that you are not in the personal space of your horse. This way you do not invade her personal space which in turn opens the door for the horse to begin the relationship.
Sending thoughts is still staying active and is some form of entering her personal space. When you are focused on wanted to influance your horse the evolution of the bond is hampered. The horse does not get a chance to tape into her instencts to want to bond with you more deeply.
Just being aware of each new moment. Your horse can tell where your awarenss is and when your horse sees your awarness is in the moment like hers she likes you more for it and then can enjoy your company.
You brought alot of energy to the barn. Next time let the barn bring a lot of energy to you.
What you shared with me is wonderful and life enriching to you and your horse joined you in your world.
But to truely expericance my first ritual you would join your horse in her world by let the stories go, the games go, the want, let it go, let the horse go and let yourself go. Listen and breath and experinace life in the moment like a foal relaxing in the sun in the tall spring grass. No thoughs, no conclusions, or acts of any kind. Let a feeling bubble up form your core that you could stay there forever enjoying your breath, the moment and your horse. Feel everyting that feels good inside and outside of you. Falling in love with the moment and the act of breathing, The act of being there in appreciation, doing nothing. It is a gift that will help you to connect with your horse in a very deep way.
Experiance enjoying things as they are it is the next step for you, it will attract your horse and you will experaice your horse’s world with your horse.
I am finding I love hanging out with the horses, I suppose it is because I realized I had forgotten how to relax. The more pushed I was to go, go and do, do the more fragmented my thinking and focus were.
Another huge awakening was personal boundaries, mine and theirs. As I was seeking refuge from an influx of house guests I sat with my mare in her stall while she was eating. And do you know what I discovered? I sat too close, I had not been invited, I had invaded her personal boundary. She tolerated it as I had tolerated my house full of guest, but she wasn’t comfortable with my presence. She wanted her personal time and space too.
I sit with both mares in the corral while they roam around from hay stashes, the red mare prefers to just eat. Since they have been corralled up for a while due to too lush a pasture, I decided to practice focus and sending thoughts, like go find the carrot. What amazed me was how programmed they were from previous training to my body signals. This was evident when one mare blasted into another area, as if to say “Not this again!” Yet, by continuing the carrot hide and seek, she came back and caught on quickly and enjoyed the engagement. I learned to quiet my body and do more focus. Just what I needed to do in my day to day personal life.
“Time has an ability to grow the relationship you share with your horse.”
I think this is facinating. I sit in my chair reading a book, spending time with the horses doing nothing and so much happends. The horses are much more calmer and me to. They are more curiosy, they are interesting in me and what I am doing, they stay around lot more . Ameri K comes to trust me a lot more and I him. I think I can se the “New Horse” or the real horse slowly emerging and he is really a nice, sweet horse. sometimes when i am reading he can stand close to me with his head over mine. It feels like he is saying: “You can go on to read. I keep the guard!”
When I bought Ameri Kahn I had no idea of what I was going to learn through him and through WR. I think the New Anna-Karin begins to show itself and it feels so good. My confidence is much better and I know what to do and to say in situations where I have previously been more uncertain. I can skip the agenda in a lot of other situations and I rely on my intution.
It is like you say, Carolyn: ” the answer miraculously comes to me from some unknown place,” and sometimes it surprise me that I just know what to say or do. Yes, it is facinating how things can came out just spending time with your horse and letting the relationship grow!
In the Box Participant
Hi Carolyn,
I recently experienced this feeling of repairing a relationship. I had been Sharing Territory with ColorGuard, a 24 year old gelding. He is an absolute sweetheart of a horse, and he always comes up to me right away when I sit down in the chair.
One time, he was nibbling at my hair, my face, my ears, and it reached a point where I wanted him to stop. I slowly stood up, and shooed him off as gently as I could. Well. He went off into his stall (it’s connected to the arena) and stood in there for a while. I could tell I hurt his feelings by sending him away, even as gently as I thouht I had.
After some time passed, I thought I’d see what would happen if I went up to him and said “hello”. He stretched out his nose to sniff my hand, and I turned and walked back to the chair in the middle of the arena. It took 15 minutes for him to leave his stall and walk back out to me, and when he did, he stopped about a foot away, and just napped. Very sweet.
Thank goodness they are so forgiving …
Thank you for this journey, Carolyn!
Monica
Christine #17
A funny thing happens to me, when I don’t know what to do, and I ask myself the question and I pause, the answer miraculously comes to me from some unknown place, I believe that this is the way it works in all of us. Thank you for sharing everything you just shared.
Carolyn
Dear Sherry#15,
Remember when you are sharing territory, to not put your horse in a spot that creates concern. You want to Share Territory in a place where he is comfortable. The leap was too large in the arena that you put him in even though the result was AWESOME!!
Jill Odgers #12
Are you in my program? I am confused. I explain in the program that we do not use lunge whips at this stage of the connection. The jump was just too big, you’re right. This is what you want to do: Repair the connection and when you have a halter on your horse show him a reed, let his eat it, if he is too afraid of that, show him the reed and hide it immediately and give him a treat. Repeat this, until he has a favorable attitude about the reed then that way he will see it as something that he wants to listen to rather than be afraid of. Hope this is of help. If you are not in the program you would probably enjoy my next late summer Insiders Circle Program Loved your letter.
Carolyn
Wow. That was full of gems. Thank you. Some of the insights I had reading it…
Sometimes I feel like a beginner gymnast learning how to dance on the balance beam that exists between pushing, pausing and petting my horse. I fall off but I love getting back on and trying again.
When I was little, I tried to grow carrots but as the tops started growing, I dug one up each day in my eagerness to see how far they’d grown underground. I learned I had about as much patience as I did carrots: none. I’ve never felt such powerful incentive as I do with my horse to grow my patience. Finally, after the WHR’s, I’m pretty sure I could grow carrots.
When my horse, in my eyes, was just a huge beautiful animal I felt compelled to rescue and somehow became responsible for, I enrolled in the closest form of “horse school” with a local trainer thinking I just needed a year of learnin’ and I’d be good to go. I had no idea what I was in for. Four years, many books, DVDs, magazines, another trainer and a few instructors later, it wasn’t until I heard about Carolyn and the WHR’s that I realized that this huge animal is the conduit for teaching me patience, creativity, curiosity, empathy, compassion, carefulness, mindfulness, being fully present…there’s no hurry AND there’s no end in sight. That’s what just spending time, with no agenda, has allowed me to see.
Dear Jess #4,
I don’t know if you could train the horse yourself because I do not know your skill level I don’t know your horse’s characteristics. I t would probably be a good idea to start out watching the process of your horse’s training to make sure that it is working and meets with your judgment of what is fair, just, moral and effective. If it seems to be working out pretty simply, you can feel good, and it if is not you can take your horse out of training. Probably from the work you have done with your horse, if the trainer is good, the trainer will probably find you horse very simple to start under saddle. This has been the case for me when I have had other people, for various reasons start a horse out for me, it was reported that the horse appeared already trained. My feeling is usually a horse that loves people and has a natural desire to do what he is told; it’s very simple to start them under saddle because of their willingness and trust. If it isn’t simple, you have the wrong trainer.
Insider Circle member
Dear Carolyn, thankyou for talking about taking time!
My horse Shadow loves the place where we share territory so much, he trots over to it.
When I make a request and he answers :”No”, I stop to ask:”Why?”. In the time it takes to really feel the “why”, which to me means, to engage inner and outer powers of observation, the bond grows and the link of communication is opened up again. If I pause to sharpen my perception of what I feel, hear, see etc., both of us can be creative again.
It is a bit like singing: when singing a song, one has to take time to breathe, even choose the time carefully. Not too early, not too late, or the next phrase will not sound beautiful. In music, a pause is time spent NOT playing. If the pause is spent with active inner listening, the music will be magical. It is the same with horses.
Truly words of wisdom – (for every aspect of our lives) we learn from you the tools necessary to grow relationships.
I can’t tell you how much your program means to me. I found it for a reason!
Thank you.
Gail
Hi Carolyn, as always your words of wisdom are timely in my awakening to this process and my own personal journey. This past week has been hectic, cold and very rainy . I have not had much time to progress with the herd . Yesterday I decided that I needed to be working with the horses and the forecast was again cold and thunder showers ( I live 1 hr from the barn) so I decided to take one horse from the herd to the arena and work there. Which horse, there are 9 and I love them all. Cash is a horse that when I first came to the barn could not be caught or haltered he was very head shy. I have done some Tellington work with him in the past. Also if I road him he was great if there was another horse in the arena or outdoor ring as soon as we were alone he became fearful. I am now the only rider for all of the horses but hesitated to ride as they are all herd bound. So I thought why not do ST in the arena away from the herd with each one. On my way to the barn I decided to try to send a telepathic message to Cash “if you want to work with me Cash give me a clear sign”. I reached the barn in a total downpour, prepared the arena with a couple of flakes of hay with carrots and munchies on top, went to the paddock to retrieve Cash(the entire herd at the hay cart) I approached Cash from behind about 10 ft. away and called his name he stopped eating and turned to me looking me straight in the eyes, I said “come with me Cash” he turned and came right to me.
In the arena he was fearful and frantic, galloping around the outside looking out the windows calling to his herd …… I was sitting in the middle of the arena reading. I suddenly felt that he needed connection not dis connect so I got up an said “shhhh its okay walk” and began to walk slowly in a small circle in the middle of the arena, he stopped and looked me in the eye, at this point he was sweating had hives and diahria, I went to him still keeping eye contact and said “hello you’re ok” and walked away, he followed . We went back and forth with this ritual until he was calmly walking at liberty beside me turning when I did and sticking like glue . He needed to connect . I took the opportunity when he was totally relaxed to take him home. We walked calmly back to the paddock . What a great experience and what we both needed I realized that I needed to feel that connection as much as he did . JOY JOY JOY !!!!!! insider circle
Beautiful Carolyn,
The passage of time and the contiued connection through softness and a “gut” sense of just enough connection is the “secret” to my connection with my Sampson. We respect each other and he easily leaves behind his “herd” to be in my presence. I notice that the more time I give him “away” from me, the more anxious (or maybe the word is curious?) he becomes to check in on our connection. This horse really takes care of me and using your method has moved us from a “wonder bit” for trail riding to a bitless “side pull” headstall for the same. The softness continues to expand in our relationship.
Thank you!
Hi Carolyn
I believe time weaves threads connecting our thoughts and hearts, and perhaps in time our movements. Every hour spent in fun or peace sews new threads and renews old. I find that in this way little disagreements are inconsequential.
I find that long absence, or being too contrived or result-focused causes those threads to loosen.
When I freed many hours to spend with no agenda our bond blossomed naturally and we became joined at the hip. Sleeping over at his place was childish and carefree and his choice to bed down right alongside when he had the freedom of yard and pasture was a measure of our affinity. “Training” was never required, things just happened. But when worldly concerns dominated my thoughts and energy, and I didn’t commit as much time – and when I did it was with an agenda – I became a person training a horse and our relationship felt strained.
Hi carolyn,
I have a bit of a story that eventually leads to what time and nuturing means to me.
I have had my gelding Ben, aged 5, for a year and about 4 months ago had got to the point where I thought we had no future together.
We just didn’t connect at all and whenever I went into the paddock he would go to the furthest corner and turn his backside to me. What made it worse is that I do Bowen therapy on horses and other peoples horses love to see me and my other horse Bella, now aged 30, always comes to me whenever I enter the paddock. This rejection is something I have never encountered with any animal before and it really hurt.
I had been told that Ben was hard to catch and that he had run through a barb wire fence to evade being caught by his previous owner. And, of course, he would not let me catch him either unless I manouvered him into a small area. The advise I received from many sources was to chase him and run him out until he was to tired to run any more and to “NEVER stop or the horse would WIN”.
So unfortunately I did this, for hours, many days over without any success and only driving him emotionally further from me. Eventually I gave up and just didn’t go near him. One day I went and sat in the middle of the paddock (to be with my mare) feeling totally defeated. Amazingly, after a while Ben walked up to me. If I stood up he would run away so I just kept doing this ( I had stumbled upon sharing space) and eventually he would let me move around and touch him.
About five weeks ago I discovered you via, the Path of the Horse DVD, and bought your DVD’s and books. Through sharing space and hello we have built a great relationship and he now wants to be with me ALL THE TIME and I have discovered that this aloof frighten horse is really very sensitive, gentle and loving.
He is very accepting of my taking space and has also begun to companion walk by his own choice. So the other day I decided to try leading from behind. WOW, he took one look at the lunge whip and took off (I have not picked up a whip near him in months). He wouldn’t let me anywhere near him for ages (even after I put it down) and the fear in his face nearly broke my heart.
So Carolyn, I now realise that time doesn’t always mean actual time but emotional time. It is clear to me that while Ben has forgiven me my mistakes he has not forgotten and that its going to take much more being together – nuturing our relationship to get past his memories of whips, being chased and to gain his full trust. This is not going to be something that can be measured in time or achieved through agenda. So for now I’ll just take a big step back and continue with what he’s comfortable doing. It will happen when its suppose to, which is something else I have learnt from you.
Carolyn – Thankyou so much for helping me have a beautiful relationship with my gorgeous Ben. Im now sure that we will have a wonderful life together.
(In a Box participant)
Very wise insights on horse-human relationships Carolyn!
An example of how time has contributed to the advancement of the training of my horses:
With just Sharing Territory and taking lots of pauses to observe and ‘feel’ my horses when working and being with them, I have learned a lot about who they are. With taking this time thoughts, feelings and messages about my horses just ‘pop’ right out of the universe into my mind and connect me to their souls. E.g. I’ve learned about my mare Kría that I have to lower my energy rhythm to hers to connect with her and that she needs me to allow her to lead me sometimes in order to wanting to be led by me.
How I stopped the evolution of the bond from having too much of an agenda and so not allowing the passage of time to advance the connection for me:
A recent example: just the other day I decided to film what I was about to do with my horse. But by being busy with the right position of the camera, preventing it from getting wet by the rain, preventing it from getting eaten by my horse etc. etc. etc. I got more and more stressed and tense and was focusing on the result instead of the moment. So I removed the darn thing and just spent a lovely time with my horse with no agenda at all, which turned out great!
Dear Carolyn
I very much see the relationship with my horse as a dance. I call it the ‘Enigma dance’ as it strikes me as being something of a mystery. I don’t know all the steps of the dance or how it’s going to work out. Sometimes we are in harmony, othertimes out of sync. But it is a dance that we are working out together. I very much like the balance you indicate through your pushing, pausing and patting explanations. To me the passage of time gives me more inspiration from a wide varity of things in life that I am then able to bring into my relationship with my horse to enhance it in someway. This takes away from the immediate need to fix things right now or expecting them to go a certain way.
Hi Carolyn,
By your statement “Time has an ability to grow the relationship you share with your horse”
For me means……..Through spending time together, the vibrations of your horse and that of yourself start to get in harmony with each other. until eventually you are both “On the same page”. The relationship, as with all things of beauty needs to be nurtured and given time to flower.
I want to respond to your invitation to share my interpretation of what you mean by “Time has an ability to grow the relationship you share with your horse.”
I think you are saying that our relationship with our horses is inherently organic, meaning that it grows by itself with the passage of time, shaped by the give-and-take of every interaction or lack of interaction between us and our horses. When we stop trying to control the agenda and give credence to our horse’s ideas as well as clearly expressing our own, the relationship blossoms with a mutual feeling of shared communication. It is also true that interactions that we may not intend as training experiences affect our relationship as much as deliberate efforts to communicate, simply because everything we do or do not do (pertaining to that horse) contributes to the constant evolution of our relationship with him.
Relationships never stay the same, they are always fluid, always evolving for better or worse. For example, if I go to get my horse out of his stall to take him to a paddock where I intend to share territory or practice Hello and the circling game, “training” begins the moment he sees me approach his stall, not the moment I turn him loose in the paddock and take my seat. If, when I go get him, I don’t wait for him to come up to me and ask me to put his halter on, but instead open the stall door, walk in and automatically halter him without pausing to let him give me permission, I have, perhaps unwittingly, pushed a button that will alter the progression of our relationship-building when we get to the paddock and “begin” the ritual. Everything counts. That does not mean that I cannot build back up what I might inadvertently have impaired. Or, as you said, that what gets restored might not be even stonger because overcoming the effect of my lapse necessarily caused more, perhaps deeper, interactions. It only means that everything I do to, with, and around my horse contributes to the way in which time evolves our relationship.
Dear Carolyn,
Your comment…
“A simple away to evaluate the situation of how to handle your horse and the agenda you choose or not choose, is to experiment with a horse by pushing and pausing and patting. Too much patting and you will loose the respect. Too much pushing will lose the desire and too much pausing will loose the interest.”
What a wonderful statement! It causes me to ponder. I will keep this thought in my mind while playing with my horse, to see his reaction to me. Thank you for another thought provoking blog.
Toni
Hi, Carolyn, Time is certainly working on me. I have had a few weeks when I have felt frustrated that what I am doing does not seem to be connecting. But last night I watched the Black Stallion and connected with my 9yr. old self some. Also, it helped in the Insider’s Circle comments to realize that Snowy does not have to come to me. I had done some Waterhole Rituals before I started the In-the-Box program. I probably overfaced him by moving from ST to moving him away from food since he turns out to be food aggressive. He pitched a fit with running, bucking, and kicking (though not firing/striking out) and well away from me. I stood my ground, but he kept it up for quite a few minutes (no teeth bared, or ears back, and I never felt threatened). But I felt like I should have been able to move him without the explosion. Even since starting the “in-the-box” and doing ST, a couple of other times he has reacted similarly, pitching a fit, to me asking him to move off. But then the next day, he has always been much softer, and respectful and has stood eating some grass near me but not right next to me. I also started doing a lot of “Saying Hello”. Today, in the grass pasture I repeatedly (with pauses in between) asked him to move off his spot and then went and stood on it and he went sweetly. He was more affectionate in general and calmer in all his reactions. I find myself taking more time to do things, too. Thanks
Excellent meditation. Horses are the high point of the day. They do drive one into the moment, and may “take” us anywhere in the figurative sense.
Time… patience, caution, curiosity, listening… and the dance always comes back alive despite the daily fluctuations.
Hi Carolyn,
Your method has enabled me to enjoy my horses and myself for who we truly are. I don’t measure time spent with Tristan anymore – I just love being around him so spend as much or as little time as feels right.
I have a question for your Carolyn… I have been planning on sending Tristan to be put under saddle by a “professional” horse trainer this summer. Since working with him under your method I’m now a little concerned he might back-track if working with someone else. The only problem is I’m not sure if I’m confident enough to be the first one to ride him either – what is your advice?
Thanks
Jess
You are so right. That elusive balance between too much pushing, too much patting and too much pausing ………. the key to everything.
I have lots of instances of too much pushing. But last weekend I think I almost got a good balance.
Took my horse to a local club arena. No other horses there but a dog obedience rally right next door. We have been there several times but not consistently and not much for riding.
Boots was head high, excited about the dog commotion. I turned her loose in the arena and put out some old rag markers to mark a pattern I wanted to ride. It’s the cloverleaf pattern we both know.
Then I sat on my stool and eventually Boots came over to check in with me. Then she left to watch the dogs again.
After a while I went over and asked her to shadow walk with me back to the stool, which she did. I put on her halter and saddled up.
Then we played some of our ground games. When she could canter on request and come back to the trot at request I figured it was okay to ride.
We rode the cloverleaf pattern once, which takes quite a while. She went from very tense to blowing out and relaxed. When I felt that whole body relaxation, I stopped in the centre and got off and loosened the girth and gave her a ‘dismount carrot’.
Then I took her along to pick up the marker rags. At the third one, she offered to pick it up for me. (We played with this as a click/treat exercise a couple of months ago). Fortunately I had peppermints with me, and was able to click and treat. She then picked up the next three rags at my request.
The dogs were now secondary to listening and doing some fancy stuff with me.
That was it. We unsaddled and went home. In the past, I would not have realised the importance of that moment of relaxation under saddle. I would have demanded more – kept pushing.
Now I have to work on the pause – not leave it too long before going back there and work on our united confidence.
Hello Carolyn, As always your wisdom is so true and beautiful. As you know, I have shared time with my mare Chasta for nearly 7 years and have had a truly incredible journey. You could say that our courtship has been rocky at times but beneath it was always a tenderness that was understood and we both knew that we needed to go the distance to truly learn to know and love each other. Neither of us knew how some of the time but every misstep, like when a human dancer steps inadvertently on another’s foot, has led us to a richer dance now. For the first few years, we just revealed each others’ brokenness and then I heard myself saying to others what her challenges were. Then when I read Naked Liberty and met you and started practicing the Waterhole Rituals, it gave us time and space without agenda to truly see all the beauty we had created together. We were able to see our trail by looking back at how far we had come. I met a woman recently and she had a “challenging, complex, difficult etc. mare”–all the things that others and myself had said about Chasta.So naturally that is what Chasta mirrored for me. It made me realize that was exactly what I was focused on during those first few years and now I am focused on how magnificent we both are, even when we are a bit out of sorts. It has made all of the difference. Every day is new. Every day is a clean slate. May God bless you always for being a light for everyone!
Love, Connie
Thank you, Carolyn, for your words of encouragement & wisdom.
I will keep trying to build a deeper relationship with each horse, each very
different & having different needs.