Valuable Life Lessons from Training Horses that Contribute to Your Well-being
Dec 29th, 2011 by Carolyn Resnick
Learning more about the magic of the co-creative process
Horses are flexible in their attitude and emotions from willing to unwilling, from trusting to fearful, from relaxed to hyper. Basically a horse’s nature is dynamic, cautious and willing. That makes sense, we are a lot like that ourselves. Horses have two changeable behaviors, fluctuating from trusting to not trusting, from social to antisocial… a bit like we are in our own society. They also seek friendship and live in communities and family groups…again a bit like us. When they feel secure and have enough space, food and water, they life in unity and harmony with one another.
Horses are very social, caring, outwardly affectionate and seek unity and harmony with one another most of the time. Once we have formed a deep bond with a horse it will be deeper than the one we can share with our own species. When we share a cross-species bond, the horse shows us how deep our feeling for friendship can be. If we choose to look for this connection with all things our well-being and appreciations for life is enhanced. Then, when we can extend this connection to the people in our life, our life is truly blessed.
Cross-Species Bonds
If you share a cross-species bond with a horse, it may bring you to a closer connection in all relationships. In most cases the horse did not seek us out, we were attracted to them first. Approaching a horse can cause a horse to feel a bit threatened. I found Sharing Territory and not trying to “make” a connection with a horse creates the opposite response in a horse and brings out the horse’s desire to come bond with us. Try it, the relationship that develops is wonderful even with horses that you may have not been able to reach. I have spent as long as 3 months with a horse to reach him and when he connected the wait was worth it. Waiting for Marchador to connect helped me become aware of a deep happiness I felt was missing. The waiting brought me personal well-being and a friendship with a horse that I was looking for.
Communication
Communicating with a horse in moments of harmony to shape their social behavior and desire for our leadership is the key to developing a working bond with a horse. To further develop this relationship with a horse we need to keep the relationship in the present moment, connected and growing. The nature of our relationship with horses is either moving towards better or worse because relationships are dynamic.
Trust
When a horse trusts you, he will first try to fit with what you ask of him, before he or she will rebel. You can loose a horse’s first response to fit in with you by a lack of leadership, by not taking on the role of a dependable leader, or by being too demanding.
Freedom
Giving a horse freedom to accept or reject our leadership builds a strong trust. Horses, as well as humans, do not like to be obligated. By allowing a horse the freedom to respond we can see how to better approach our horse and how to go about handling him in the moment when we are training and riding him. Giving a horse liberty removes force out of the picture and builds more trust.
The Co-Creative Process in Leadership
The secret to getting a horse to follow your lead willingly is to allow him to shape your leadership to be desirable as well as effective. Sometimes my readers can be too lenient and allowing with a horse which will cause a horse to not want their company or leadership. Developing your relationship with horses in the training of horses is a co-creative process and takes experimentation so you can figure out when to allow and when to not allow. Leadership can be and should be a kind of refuge for a horse rather than a leadership they cannot avoid and limits and exercises limits must be maintained. You are always the ultimate leader with horses and in your life. This way you keep your dignity and personal power. When people and horses are not in harmony with one another it comes from being too demanding or they lack taking responsibility for leadership.
Because horses can be trained though force quickly it is very tempting to use force. But one’s personal power is diminished by depending on force. Force is not the way to gain personal power. If you have worked it out with a horse to the point of being able to create a magical dance without force you will develop a greater personal power that will serve you throughout your life. It is essential to your personal well-being to learn how to dance with a horse without force.
If I have confused you or you just do not know when to lead and when to allow, from this new way of being with horses, please come join my next online course. Starting April 15th, 2012 in the Waterhole Rituals Online Program, I will walk you step by step to a dancing at liberty with horses starting from a cross-species bond of friendship. Click here to learn more about the Insider Circle Program.
If you want to go it alone with the support of my blog and dvds, your answers will magically appear from waiting for your horse to come to you and bond. If you are looking for inspiration as you begin Sharing Territory you may wish to watch the “Waterhole Reflections” dvd. As the relationship grows so will your understanding on when to pause, when to lead, when to ask your horse to give you room, and when to give your horse room. Learning these things will deepen the bond and build the training of your horse.
In the Waterhole Rituals Insider Circle class, I guide you and your horse step by step taking into account your needs and your horses personality so you have a personalized approach when learning to create a dance with your horse. The Waterhole Rituals Method of training a horse at liberty will help you create a deep meaningful bond with your horse, or a maximum performance horse for competition AND anything between. It truly is the Foundation for All Equestrian Pursuits.
Being the one responsible for developing a whole-hearted connection with your horse is a joy not to be missed. From your journey of developing a willing and working bond with your horse you will also gather skills and understandings to win the support of others in helping you create your own dreams and well-being. You will also begin to naturally know how to support other to their dreams. You may feel there has been something missing in your relationships with people and by learning how to develop a cross-species bond with your horse you will be able to turn those relationships around. You will begin to find a sense of trust and loyalty filling your heart with well-being that you can depend on whenever you need it.
Happy New Year! Watch out for more new horse and human sightings and may the horse be with you,
Warmly,
Carolyn
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Thanks Carolyn, Happy New Year
Anne-Marie
Hello Carolyn,
In your article you state, “Once we have formed a deep bond with a horse it will be deeper than the one we can share with our own species.”
Can you explain this at all? Why will it be deeper? because its cross-species? non-verbal? because our species is connection compromised? because horses are masters of connection as a species? These are guesses I have as to why you’re stating this and I’d love to hear from you why you believe this to be true.
Happy 2012 Miss Carolyn!
Just checking in. I particularly liked this, “Leadership can be and should be a kind of refuge for a horse rather than a leadership they cannot avoid… ” I like the thought that a horse could find refuge in his/her human companion… and that a human could be that for a horse.
Happy New Year Carolyn!
I would just like to tell every one that there is so many layers, and so much debt in the studies of the waterhole rituals.
I have now studied with Carolyn for 4 years, I have achieved the magical and spiritual connection with my horses I only read about in the books and saw on films before.
The good news is that I still feel I am on the “tip of the iceberg” there is so much more.
I love the learning and the journey.
Thank you again so much and look forward see you in february, I will bring to you a piece of the caribbean sun.
Love Stina
Checking in, love this. T
Thanks Carolyn
Lots of love Monique
Hello Carolyn.
I’m new to your blog, and I’m totally fascinated by all you’ve learned from the wild horses. I’m reading your book at the moment, and I’ve watched the DVD a first time, and I really love learning from your insights.
Of course, I have a lot of questions popping up, like “Since I’m in Montana, and it’s really cold out here in January, if I sit with the horses for half an hour here and there, will that do anything in making them curious about me?” Or, “Is there anything I can do with them that would help our relationship while I’m waiting for them to really come to me?” And “Since I’m working with my friend’s horses, can I achieve anything even though I see them only once or twice a week?”.
I imagine how busy you must be, and I’m thinking that these are probably trivial questions that any person familiar with your methods would be able to answer. So is there a forum where I could post my questions, something that you just check from time to time so that people stay in your line of work, but without having to read each and every post?
Or is this it? I’m just not sure about the etiquette here…
Hi Isabelle,
This blog is the perfect place to ask questions. If you want more information than what is covered here, our next coaching program begins April 15, 2012. Click here to learn more about the Waterhole Rituals Online Program
I’m updating my comment as I now think I misunderstood that you were on 1000s of acres in Montana wanting to connect with your wild herd.
Regarding time: One or twice a week is totally ok.
The main thing is to Share Territory while reading a book. You want to work on developing the energy in yourself to be relaxed and present to your environment. It may seem at first that you need to wait a long time for them to interact but it is all worth the wait. The reason we are wanting the horse to connect first is because this way he is giving you his full attention and STARTING the bond. This is really important.
You can also put food down and ensure you stay passive so the horses can begin to trust you on their own time.
Welcome!
Carolyn
Hello Carolyn!
I am observing and interacting with a small herd of horses, it is a Haflinger mare and her two foals, 2 and 1 years … they are so beautiful:
they form a very interesting trio, live free grazing, have shelter and food in abundance.
I’m interacting with all three and creating very interesting dynamics , even the most timid colt comes up and starts to follow me, I have a little doubt, I’m not sure how to take their play to bite themselves and me, I understand that it is a game and sign of confidence, but I answer with a resounding no and walk away when they try to bite me, I let them play only with the muzzle, not dare to bite me … right? Okay so how do I?
thanks
Elisa
Horses are my favorite. I love their coat of fur, their teeth when they eat carrots and all their breeds. I share your affinity for them, keep posting pretty pictures.
hi carolyn, just back from the hospital after a second operation and hoping and convinced this will be it for a long long time to come i am reading your blog…..the feel i get out of it is the feel of connection…..connection to all….inter species and humans as you so clearly write……..
do you agree that a real connection is from the soul…?…and our soul wants to get the freedom it deserves and needs to flourish…..how long has it not been suppressed by our ego aided by religion, socalled masters and guru’s etc…..for too long don’t you think…..and the ego being responsible for the force being used in training horses…..
how many people feel threatened by the idea of giving their soul that so longed for freedom……it means they will have to connect…meaning the ego will have to step back…..meaning not to use any more force…..finding the balance between giving the horse the space to say NO and firmness in a very clearcut way…..with respect and trust…..with vulnerability…..letting go of the masks we are wearing…..showing who we really are……
our and almost all horses playing this so important role in helping us discover our true selves…..our and almost all horses being prepared to sacrifice their lives…..their physical and emotional wellbeing…….knowing that in the end humans will be prepared to take responsibillity and co-create a more loving world without fear….
take care dear friend and wishing a wonderful 2012
Dear Geerteke,
What an ordeal I am glad you will have no more operations. I send all my heart felt wishes for a quick recovery. In answer to your concerns and ideas you are right that I intend for my method to be a spiritual journey. I believe the way to make change to the better treatment to horses in the equestrian world is crated by focusing on the magic you share with your own horse. The more you only care about your own training style the more you become a vortex to pull others into their abilities to find their own way to a deeper bond and kindness to horses through the training of horses like you are doing.
Warmly,
Carolyn
Wishing a peaceful and joyous 2012 to you Carolyn and to all who visit this blog.
Blessings
Ang x
Dear Carolyn,
Your water hole rituals have become an essential part every day. Thank you so much.
Have a Happy New Year, Karla
Carolyn,
Happy New Year and all the very best in 2012!
Dyann
Carolyn and wonderful herd members of her blog/learning path:
I wish a wonderful New Year with even more magical inspiring moments and even deeper bonding with your equine and all other companions in your life.
The progress with the critter soul realationships continues to grow here, in an exponential manner, it is just awesome. They like it too, and why wouldn’t they?
I am physically challenged right now with a broken wrist;(two places and not from the horses! Last night I was able to pick True and Raisin’s feet with a bit of creative holding. True at one point got confused by I guess the strangeness of my “technique” and grabbed me on the back, not hard but not ok either and something I have not seen in a very, very long while. I firmly asked her to leave the stall…saying “gentle” firmly and locked the stall door, her on the outside. I then proceded to pick Raisin’s feet and he got the yummy treats with “thank you/gentle” as part of my dialog. True was outside looking in all the while I did this. I then brought her back in being sure she returned polite, she was. I put some feed down..as before and asked again to have her lift her feet and held them with my cast in a way I could support them without pressing on the painful area(this different feeling is what I think caused the less than desirable behavior the first time.) I repeated the word “gentle” and did all her feet. She was very patient this time and I shared a few treats with Raisin getting them first before True after picking each of her feet in this new manner. True was very polite and stood very, very still. We finished with a “thank you/very gentle” and a half apple for each horse(Raisin first again.) She then got her her toy with the usual touch/permission/recognition politeness before the “ok” to play with it. Because of the different hold and my slower fumbling technique I had done both the attempts the same way with food and treats, but I think watching Raisin work with me and get the attention(she thrives on it , much more than the food) was quite helpful especially because he is her primary horse “leader” that she respects for his consistant authority and fairness, which was a great help here. I have her leave the stall for rude responses which rairly crop up now. She knows we will try again and what that will require and look like which lowers concerns on both our parts. I had to come up with something for our mistakes, especially considering where we started.
She and I have also been companion walking to deliver hay rations to the other horses and she is not allowed to touch the hay I am carrying. This has been going very well and I could have never tried this a while back before your help Carolyn, it would not have been successful and worse yet not safe. When I carry it to her paddock to hang, True must stay back after walking with me and then wait for me to secure it. Then we do the touch and the “ok” She is getting really good at planting those feet. When she comes forward after permission she does not rush, but stays respectful, its really nice actually. I started this by giving her a small piece of hay for stepping/staying back to encourage a happy cooperation rather than forced compliance. That style of shaping is never lost on her and in fact I think it is the key to her “try.” I think of it now as a sort of “tea etiquette” dance between us and I have extended my new found formality to the other horses with the same polite success.
Happy interactions to all with their equine guides and thank you Carolyn for showing us an alternative ways to find happy tries and joyful cooperation rather than forced compliance.
Thank you for your detailed description of how you work with your two horses, and their responses.
Leanna, what do you mean with touch/recognition politeness?
Or “the touch and the ok”?
I’m new to this blog, and I don’t know what you’re doing…
Dear Isabelle,
Maybe you would like to take my online course.
My blog is a way to communicate with me on the subject of my method and teachings. My blog is a support system for my students classes and DVDs.
If there is anyway we can further help you let me know.
Carolyn
Isabelle you will love learning from Carolyn’s wisdom and her horse friendly creative guidance. Your question is a good one… but since this is really Carolyn’s site so I will refer you to her DVD’s and Books for how to interact using her method. Check out her YOU TUBES for a intro idea of how this can look and read the past blogs. If you are able, sign up to take her upcomming course, where you get personal guidance along with a defined path of discovery and you will have so much fun while you deepen the bond with your horse(s.) You will love the participants just as much and there is also an ongoing web social site open to class participants(past & present) to share photos and chat on a large variety of topics. I didn’t mean to be evasive, just trying to be respectful(This site has a lot of respect in it, in a very healthy way; horses and people.), you can see/understand with the demos/instructions better than I could tell in words visually. That is a lession I did learn.
I didn’t mean to write so much. Carolyn has invited us to ask questions here on the blog, some she may answer directly or they may become more in depth future topics covered. I hope you get as many smiles being with your horses as I have.
Dear Leanna,
Could you email me where I could talk to you about a project I have in mind. If you could leave me a number and a good time to reach you. Thanks for you support.
Carolyn
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL
Carolyn B xxxxxx
Happy new Year to all of you!
Happy new year to all of you, too!
love, xxx
Natalie.
great post, Carolyn, thanks
It is truly amazing how learning how to communicate, trust and bond with our horses with your method has changed how I relate to others in my life…in a very positive way. Thank you Carolyn! Happy New Year!
…so true…I wish you a very happy new year and greetings from all the dream valley horses. My relationship to them – and life among the herd has changed deeply after I started to work with the waterhole rituals.
Checking in
Have a blessed and joyous New Year Carolyn!
From Regina, Micah & Moon
Dear Carolyn, I want to wish you and all the bloggers a Happy New Year! Thank you for all of this good insight to the horse. Your words always make me think and ponder. I am hoping to join the WHR online program next year. Asking for this for a Birthday present. Blessings~Lisa & Magnum
Thanks Carolyn!
Just checking in and Happy New Year
Dear Carolyn,
Thank you for these very beautiful thoughts!
Happy New Year,
Karin
Checking in
This has been a down time for me and my horse, but with all your wonderful insights Carolyn I have been putting our challenging circumstances to good use!
I have discovered throught the help of a saddle fitter that my saddle does not fit properly so for the last few months I have been without a saddle. I am having so much fun riding my mare on a bareback pad, or completely bareback. It is a completely different experience from riding in a saddle. Sometimes less really is more!
In addition, our pastures are in terrible condition … completely mud which has frozen into bumpy, slippery horrible footing. My mare is currently stocked up, but, like a lot of the other horses on the farm, she has also had a number of lameness issues from the poor footing. During this time we are spending much more time playing at liberty in the arena or working on the lungeline. My intention is not to drill and control, but merely to get her moving and feeling better. This has been a special bonding time for us, and I am learning more about her personality and our friendship is growing.
I am hoping that she will choose to work with me on the circle without a line, instead of making a beeline for the hay at the end of the arena! We shall see …
Checking in.
I really like these blogs. I live in Sweden and we have nothing close to this horse wisdom here. I just wish you were in Sweden sometime I would love to go through the course. Am thinking about trying the outsider circle first. On our farm we have about 12 icelandics, which I love, they are such different characters. They are very honest with you, if you listen. Thankyou again.
I’m happy with my Dakota he is so smart. He loves to play, but he is very stubborn when it comes to tacking him up. He always backs up. So I haven’t ridden him much. He still gets alittle spooky. He is a very dominant horse, yet so lovable and sweet. He acts like a stallion sometimes, with his high head,snorting at me, after a good run. He always comes back to me, and lowers his head, while I rub him and kiss him. We go for walks and he likes that. We always find something interesting, like grass or leaves, or something he’s not sure of. he knows what I say. He’ll Flex at liberty if I ask him,” can you flex”? He is always sniffing my pockets, for treats. I love My Mustang. What else can I do? He is alot better, getting more calm, and trusting. Thankyou for all your good stuff.
CHeck his whiter he could be in pain video on youtube Pain Point
checking in…
Beautifully written! My favorite yet!
=)
This is a profound description of the beauty of bonding with horses in the Waterhole Rituals. Continuing to deepen the connection on the Prairie in Oklahoma, Ruella
Hello Carolyn
Wishing you the best in the new year.
“Giving a horse freedom to accept or reject our leadership builds a strong trust.”
I’ve been playing around with this for the last few weeks with my young horse Spinner.
We had some progress today. I’ve been watching his body “bubble” – if he pins his ears or turns his head away, I stop or step back until the head comes back or ears come forwards. Then move in again, etc., but he drives the approach. This resulted in him offering his side to me (he had not been allowing me to stand beside him – he would leave).
When feeding hay, I just do a few minutes of interaction. I wave my fingers at his HQ to step away, and invite his head in towards the feeder. Because he’s being more respectful, Tea Jae isn’t biting him much any more.
Today I thought I’d take the halter out to see what he would do. He was interested in it, so I offered it to him politely while respecting his bubble. He accepted the halter after a couple of tries and was very soft in it. I didn’t ask him for much. I disentangled a part of his mane which took about 15 mins. When he backed away, I led him forward again.
Wintry weather around here, icy footing, so no running around.
Dear Carolyn,
I am so glad that you addressed the issue of ‘force’. It is so seductive to make what looks like progress happen rapidly by using force. I am glad you are out there to hold that space to allow the horse to make choices and to re-assure us that this will be the best way in the long run.
Thanks,
Kate Wood
Orcas Island
Thanks Carolyn…. : )
Checking in