When reasoning is better than training a horse
Aug 22nd, 2008 by Carolyn Resnick Method
A client of mine called me for some advice on how to get her stallion to cross a bridge, a bridge that he was used to crossing. She housed the stallion in a barn at night and put him out in a field with his mares during the day. The mares came in with him at night and were put out first thing in the morning to make it easy to take him out to the field later.
For some reason though, suddenly he would not go any further when he got to this bridge he had to cross. They did not want to get into a fight with him on this issue and had tried many different training methods before they called me. I asked them, “What happened at the bridge that might have caused him to not want to it?”. She told me, “One day when the stallion was in the middle of the bridge, a stork flew out from under it and scared him badly and ever since that time he has become more and more resistant to crossing it.”
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This is really helpful…I know it’s an old post, but I was searching for stuff about talking to your horse and found this string. I can’t wait to get back to the trail and try some of this!
I have noticed that my gelding is sort of a middle-of-the-herd guy – he’ll try to “one-up” the guy next to him, but if it’s a small group and he gets to the top, he doesn’t really seem happy about being the Alpha. He acts like a cranky cuss, but I know from experience he’s really a softie at some level. He has at least two very distinct sides of his soul to call on – The Curmudgeon (I think of this part of him like the legendary, irascible, grizzled old camp cook on the cattle-drives) and The Cupcake (the soft-eyed, attentive, eager puppydog who “kisses” me, nuzzles me, and swoons and then falls asleep when I stroke his ears).
I should say that these traits are fairly well-established – I purchased him two years ago as a 12-year-old, and with very few exceptions, he’d only ever been ridden in the arena and kept in a paddock by himself (though adjacent to other horses’ paddocks). All that has changed since I’ve had him. He was a cranky cuss with me at first too, but doing a bunch of Natural Horsemanship-ish stuff with him really helped us bond. He is now almost always eager and polite and respectful with me and others (though he can try some lazy/tone-deaf/I’m-dumb-as-a-stump-and-twice-as-stubborn/you-can’t-make-me crap with totally green riders sometimes). Never kids – he’s great with kids, I think partly because he senses my own caution.
Anyway – he alternates between these aspects of himself as he feels he needs to – and fear on the trail brings out the angry Curmudgeon. He can be quite a handful on those occasions – it’s like sitting on a block of C-4 that he’s just barely containing because he doesn’t (quite) want to kill me. Mostly.
Anyway – I’ve found that if I talk to him, sing to him, tell him about my day, and most of all – tell him how very proud I am of him – he sighs deeply and perks up his ears and relaxes all over. If he’s being pinny-eared and cranky with another horse (a common occurance, but we’re working on it), I pull him away and end the bad behavior, and then reassure him he’s the best horse on the planet. When he’s in full-on fear mode, it doesn’t always work, but it seems like what he most needs to know from me is that I’m proud of him.
Do you think this is because of some essential aspect of his temperament, or something from his past, or is it a gelding thing, or what? It’s sort of heartbreaking – like he has low self-esteem or something. He overcomes it in fear situations or with other horses by being a bit of a bully, but then he’s panicked and lonely (he gets upset if there are no other horses nearby, though we’re working on that too). I’m flattered that he shows me his “soft side”, and we’re definitely making progress, but I’d love to help him be just generally more upbeat and content and relaxed. I’m making him sound like a nutball, and he’s really not – he’s a total QH, generally pretty steady and quick to learn and not-neurotic – I guess I’m just reading all this stuff because I’m with him all the time and looking for what makes him tick. I want to do that really well so we can do everything and go anywhere together and both be maximally happy and relaxed.
He is my first horse (though I’ve ridden and leased for almost 30 years before now). Poor guy – it’s a lot of pressure! LOL. Good thing he’s a QH.
Thanks so much for this blog. I haven’t had a chance to run through everything yet but I really like what I’ve gotten to so far.
I have experienced a similar situation. My Arabian was walking pass a log when a covey of quail flew up and startled her. For almost two years, she was very hesitant and startled when walking past an logs. You have great info here!
Hi Carolyn and all:
Am loving your work and writings, Carolyn, and have been gobbling up lots of great ideas. Thank you!
It’s all been wonderful, but this post and the responses have just blown my little mind!
First, my “did this really happen?” synchronicity moment to share: Stardust is a big, beautiful Warmblood who was a rescue from a heavy duty jumping career that came close to taking him out physically and emotionally. I’d had him for a couple of years, and we’d been doing lots of good work, but he still got pretty frantic about situations where he had no control or was pushed too hard. My best horse buddy and I decided to move to a new boarding facility, and we put her TB, David, and Stardust together in a pasture. They hadn’t been pastured together before, but had been turned out with one another and did quite well together. David could be pushy, and played hard, but we spent the day both with and watching the two of them in the pasture and finally left in the evening, secure that they’d figured out how to manage with one another. They were calm and just finishing their dinner.
I no sooner got home than I got a call from someone at the ranch: Stardust was frantically running in the pasture, trying to escape David and this new space. He was lathered and panicked, and they were concerned he’d either try to jump the fence, try to blow through it, or work himself into a colic.
I leaped into my car and sped back to the ranch to rescue him, terribly afraid that he’d injure himself before I could get there. About five minutes out from the ranch, I thought, “I HAVE to calm down! If I get there with all of this panic, it’ll send him right into the stratosphere.”
So — I switched gears, and started chanting, “It’s okay, buddy, I’m almost there. I’ll get you out. Hang in there, you’re okay. I’m almost there.” I kept saying this, concentrating as hard as I could on him, sending my energy out towards him, until I got to the ranch and ran back to where they were pastured.
When I got there, Stardust was standing stock still, looking at me. The woman who called me said, “It was the darnedest thing! Until five minutes ago, he was absolutely freaked. Then he just stopped and stood waiting at the fence.”
Still get goosebumps about this! (He spent the night in a borrowed stall and the next day I bought rails so he’d have his own house within the pasture — this worked really well, as he could hang out with David, but there was that wonderful barrier when David pushed too hard.)
And, Sue, thank you so much for your story about Brodie! In addition to Stardust, I also have a young Haflinger filly who is so special, but also not always easy for me to read. Circe is both bold and vulnerable, and I’ve gotten caught by feeling like she’s testing my leadership, and getting frustrated by that, along with the realization that I’ve been missing something important.
You’ve given me a huge flash of insight about how I can better support her. She’s reacting, not testing, because I’ve not been a very good leader! I actually don’t think she wants to be the lead mare (Stardust has claimed the lead position when they’re a herd of two), but has figured in the presence of such an incompetent mare, she’d better figure it out so we all don’t go down the tubes.
What a fabulous reminder that leadership is about protection and safety, not dominance.
Thanks and best,
Leigh Melander
Hi Carolyn, great story. I too laughed as I read it. I can just picture the horse watching apprehensively as his hero went under the bridge to flush out the danger. I fully agree with your summary of the event: Why should we imagine that horses don’t have their own inner life that relates to the world as they have experienced it,; that they only react to our own interpretations? Horses have memory, the ability to think and reason about events that are relevant to them and often respond hugely when we catch a glimpse, listen and reply empathetically to their viewpoint.
I’ve had many similar experiences around helping my horses deal with fear since I’ve learnt to come at these things differently (thanks in part to reading your book!) and have no doubt that there is great possibility for more two way communication on a real here and now level.
One example happened while riding our Arab-cross lead mare, Brodie. She was far too young and inexperienced to be the leader, but took on the position because when the new herd was put together, there was no-one else she trusted enough to do it. She’d been fairly courageous before that, but taking on leadership made her very nervous, flighty, and over-cautious. She became more difficult to ride, as she took her job of assessing the surroundings for safety more and more seriously.
I am a strong and confident rider, and could easily push her through her fears. But the fear was always still there, rippling under her skin. In the past I would have enjoyed the sensation of slight unpredictability, contained energy ready to leap, but Brodie was supposed to be our daughter’s horse ; bombproof, easy to handle, safe. I needed to find a way to solve the problem from the inside out.
The turning point came one day when I was riding her down an underpass that we used often. There was a narrow metal grill covering a drain in the road. She really didn’t like the place. I had tried many different techniques to get her over her phobia, but every time we crossed it, no matter how many times we’d done it, Brodie would leap it as though it was a grand prix fence.
Showing her that I was the boss and could make her do things just wasn’t working. Yep.. I could make her.. But I couldn’t make her feel happy about it.
This day, I’d been thinking about leadership – examining the definition as “someone who gives others the confidence and motivation to follow” rather than “someone who can push others in front”. I was thinking about what kind of things I would want my leader to do if I was a horse. I would want my leader to be going somewhere that I felt was a sensible destination, I would want my leader to be brave and confident to make decisions about the way of going, I would want my leader to have great personal motivation and desire, enough that she inspired me with her focus, I would want her to be friendly or at least neutral towards me, so that I could relax and follow without fear of reprimands, and most of all, in this situation, as a very careful, vigilant and intelligent horse, I would want my leader to be more careful, more vigilant, more intelligent than me.
It dawned on me that everything I’d been doing in trying to “help” Brodie not to be nervous, had just been proving to her what a careless, ignorant, stupid horse I was… not a leader at all! A reckless thug!
So, as we approached the danger zone, I became watchful and alert, and just before the spot where I judged that Brodie would stop, I sat up, froze, and asked her to stop. I asked her to back up a few steps while I stared. I waited there a moment, on alert for movement. Then asked Brodie to walk a couple of steps forward for a closer look, then STOP! again, and back. I verbalised everything, completely hamming up my fear, trying to use the same kind of energy and movements that she usually used herself, focusing totally, not on Brodie, but on the underpass and the drain.
I blew out my breath, relaxed my shoulders, lowered my head, and walked a couple of steps forwards, then UP! And STOP again. After a number of repeats, Brodie became synchronised with me, relaxing and blowing out when I did, going up and on alert when I did. Gradually though, her startle reaction became less intense than mine, and after a few minutes, she offered on her own to walk on. I halted her a couple more times to check for danger.. and by the time we actually went under the bridge and over the grill, she was quite obviously impatient with my overprotectiveness. She walked over the drain with the minimum of possible muscle tension to keep her body upright and moving forward.
Later, we stopped for grazing at our destination and a really wonderful “first” occured. Despite being food obsessed, Brodie would never graze while outside. She always stood guard while the other horses grazed. We unsaddled and took off the reins, then my husband went off to get lunch leaving me to look after the two horses.
I sat on the grass and waited. Brodie stood as usual and looked around nervously while Footprint tucked in. After ten minutes I got up and began looking around, trying to see where my husband had got to. Brodie shocked me by laying down and rolling! Ding! Another lightbulb went off. So I stayed standing, and was very careful to watch with an alert stance, all things that moved and made noises in the area , and when Brodie got up, she began grazing for the first time outside, and in a very relaxed and contented way.
My husband finally arrived with the food. I sat down to eat. Brodie’s head immediately went up, and she went back on duty.
After I finished, I stood, and we changed shifts again.
That was the begining of a new understanding between Brodie and me, and the ending of our difficulties with nervous behaviour. She still sometimes displays these characteristics: she’s still the lead mare, and young and highly reactive. But when she does, it’s really easy to solve, from the inside out. It doesn’t require strength and pressure and seat of the pants riding skills.. just empathy. Which our daughter has tonnes of.. so despite being a very gentle and unheroic rider, she’s been able to fully claim Brodie as her own horse and best friend, and even rides her out alone now.
Another interesting consequence of this shift was that Brodie’s over-aggresive bullying behaviour with the other horses toned down. This episode seemed to mark the turning point of her gaining much more confidence in her own leadership and no longer needing to uphold her position with fear, or keep the other horses continually on alert to protect her. She became a much nicer horse to be around for everyone!
(Now, I wonder if that’s what she’d say about me too?)
Thanks for all the time and effort you put in to share with us..
I am inspired to ask what more I can do to support the things I believe in.
Sue Addenbrooke
Lori,
I had meet a horse after 8 years of being with her for less a hour. After eight years she still remembered me and I had forgoten her.
I have often wondered about the need for more intelligence if enough intelligence is enough.
Carolyn
This is probably one of my favorite topics. There is so much to learn about the world around us! I agree with Katrina about how we as humans have trouble even connecting with other humans- and for that matter- ourselves! Also- Katrina made a good point about humans thinking that they know everything. What is the apeal about knowing everything anyhow? How boring would that be!? It certainly would not be any fun to look for lost treasure!
Since we are on the topic of animal communication, I watched a nature program the other day about a man who had been studying dolphins and killer whales that I thought was increadibly interesting, and also seemed to go hand in hand with Carolyn’s Waterhole Rituals.
The researcher had spent 25 years going all over the world to study these amazing animals. He found a pod of dolphins in the Caribean that he was able to study. After awhile, he began to know different individuals, and it was pretty clear that they were getting to know him. The interactions between him and the dolphins were amazing to watch. Twenty five years later he returned to the same spot. There was one dolphin in particular that he knew. He did not know if he would see him when he returned after so long. When he jumped into the water, his old friend came up to greet him. The researcher was extremely happy to have found the special dophin that he remembered all those years ago. The dolphin seemed to be happy to, and began showing off and communicating in different ways. Even though the worlds that we live in are so different, it is amazing to have common ground that is so recognizable. Watching the film, I found it not only exciting to see the complexity that dolphins and other sea mammals have, but also frustrating. If only they could talk, or we could learn what their whistles and snaps are saying!
There was one time when the researcher was in Norway- where they actually take people on killer whale excursions, where you can swim with them. (If the wild whales feel like it.) The water was very dark, (which would make me uncomfortable) but the guy jumped in- and after a while, a female killer whale came up to say “hi” suddenly out of the darkness. Their eyes are so expressive I could not believe the footage! The researcher was practically speachless from his experince of being that close with a wild killer whale that was clearly initiating contact with him.
I find this sort of thing so exciting. I think part of the reason why I find it so exciting is that on land, I feel like I am doing something very similar with my horses. To have a large mammal loose (in a large arena in my case) and choose to be with me feels like a wild encounter! I feel so priviledged to have horses and to experience these exciting moments that are cutting edge in the area of animal communication as far as I am concerned. When I can ask my horse to go trot and come up and orchestrate his movements by my own body language it is truly amazing. I feel like it is something out of fantasia and I am lucky enough to have the magic hat!
Thanks Carolyn!
We need to be very cautious about saying horses or animals can not communicate. We as humans are so far from our own ability to connect even with our own species that we cannot judge that ability. We have not had to hunt and count on each other for survival for hundreds of years, we really have a very limited knowledge of that type of connection with the world around us. the Human belief that we are superior in every way, really tires me. I see thinigs go on in nature that no human could ever accomplish. I also know that humans are the most destructive species on earth. That my friend is not superiority, that makes us just another cog in the wheel.
I personally am willing to say that I dont know everything and anything that helps my horse be happy and calm and connected to me is all right with me . After all isn’t that the result we are all looking for with our horses?
Dear Eva,
Horses are “people” too. This was not at all the point of my story. Understanding the stallion’s concerns and taking care of them was the issue. The stallion really wanted to go to get to his mares and he was really frightened. I was not interested in the energy of the walker or in changing it. The stallion had issues about the bridge. Many trainers had tried to work with him and her on the bridge issues but it didn’t overcome his problem.
My focus is as I explained it. The horse needed to know that a bird was not under the bridge. If I had been there, I would have handled the stallion in the same manner. The horse could not trust his owner anymore because the owner is the one that put the stallion into a bad position. The stallion then learned to listen to his leadership and he decided that bridges are dangerous no matter who was with him.
The owner needed to show her horse that the bridge was safe to cross. When the horse went over the bridge the lady was still as insecure as ever about leading him over it. I knew his concern and I addressed his problem. The stallion knew from her looking for the bird that there was no bird and he wanted to get out to his mares so off he went!
Carolyn
Debra,
Thank you for helping my blog along with your great stories of your experiences with Romeo! It is all about personal experience being your greatest guide in the long run.
Carolyn
Dear Lori,
How delightful!! Thank you for sharing. You will learn more from these moments than you will from your lessons.
Dear Marja,
Talking to horses will open the mind to a higher consciousness. It is important to believe that your horse undersands what you are saying even if he doesn’t. As a child I thought my horses understood me and were paying attetion to me every minute, so I payed attention to them every minute. From this belief and focus horses now do understand what I say to them.
I developed a habit of having my full attention in every moment on the horse I am with. My synchronicity in the moment and with our environment and with the horse causes him to follow my lead because he can feel my leadership and my caring and unconditional love. When I look at a herd of wild horses I can see the leader from the energy that he carries with him. It is strong and believable.
Practise developing this kind of connection with all things is most helpful.
Carolyn
Dear Ginny,
All it takes is caring and spending time with a horse wanting nothing but his company and you will know that horses live in a herd and companion energy is what feeds their spirit, directs them and creates the dance. This is what you are calling synchronicity.
It is most valuable to aquire knowledge directly for the experience. The heart needs to get it before the mind can see it clearly. This is the first Waterhole Ritual of my Program- making a heart connection.
Thank you for bringing the awareness of the importantance of sharing the experiance with your horse and how it plays out for you. From the synchronicity you created with your horse you were able to reassure him and from this he was able to follow your lead naturally.
Carolyn
Hi Carolyn,
Your story makes me laugh and i cannot help chuckling reading the replies.
I think what’s going on here (and your recommended “fix” of the problem) was aimed exclusively at the person, not the horse at all.
OK let me explain why I think that. The stallion spooked because of some stork or whatever, and yes maybe the next time he was reluctant to walk over the bridge, but then what developed was the owner getting worried and fretting in advance about HOW to get the stallion to cross the bridge. And i think that worry of the owner created very clear signals to the horse that it was not safe to cross the bridge.
Your little scene with tying he horse and having him watch the owner check for gremlins and say loud out: there is no stork, that intent cleared HER mind of the fear and anticipation that he horse would act up crossing the bridge. The minute she as confident, the horse had no issue.
Vert clever!
eva
(a lurking fan of yours
What a wonderful topic for discussion! As an Animal Communicator, I know from first-hand experience that horses (all animals) can ‘hear’ us and when we make the assumption that they are the intelligent and sentient beings that they are, they respond with an enormous willingness to communicate with us. I loved what Ginny had to say about horses being in synchronicity and how when we align with them emotionally and mentally, we can accomplish in-depth communication with them. When I present myself to my horse Romeo with a sincere intent to connect with him, the communications are always clear and satisfying for us both. When I am just rambling in my mind or not really concentrating, he reminds me with his eye contact, his tail-switching or his foot-stomping that if I really want to talk to him, I best concentrate on what mental thoughts I am putting out! I think it is always safe to assume that horses are far more intelligent and wise than we might think. They are constantly seeking in us a partnership that is built upon respectful communication. And they are so easy to talk to! Remember “Mr. Ed”, the television program from the 1950′s? It’s not so far from the truth, is it?!
All the best to everyone who is talking to their horses, and more importantly, listening to them.
Debra
I love to hear stories like this. And people say horses are stupid! I try to always pay close attention to what I say around my horses. I always felt that they knew what we were saying to a certain degree, but I was shocked on one particular occassion. One day I had stopped to pet my Friesian stallion while he was in his pen. I was rubbing his head and face and playing with him. I then said jokingly- “Show me your teeth!” Low and behold he opened his mouth full open and held it there for me to look. To say I was surprised is somewhat of an understatement. I think I was actually a little afraid!
I then gently put my hands on his nose and chin and asked him to close his mouth! – He did.
I’m planing on showing him the olympic dressage horses on tv in hopes that he will figure out the moves by watching next
For me this is a clear example of communication or ‘speaking’ with animals. I have some good experiences with it as well, with one of my dogs and with a horse.
My Icelandic mare Ánægja had a stressful period some time ago. I tuned in with her mentally and emotionally (just sat down in her pasture while she was grazing) and almost immediately tears were running down my cheeks. I just picked up her sad feelings and she told me that things had gotten a bit too much for her lately (I had started riding her again after a period of her ‘only’ bringing up her foals). I was very touched by the feelings she sent me. The next morning I looked at her from a distance and told her in my mind that I would give her a few-weeks-break. At that instant she turned her head towards me, walked to me and put her head against me. If she had been able to talk, it would have been a big THANK YOU!
The other experience I had with one of my four Jack Russells, named Kika. Kika had been quite aggressive to the other dogs for a while, sometimes quite ‘out of the blue’ with no apparent reason. I tuned in with her and picked up the message that she would like to have more attention from us, but didn’t have the guts to ask for it and come up to us. I then told her mentally that whenever she wanted some attention she could come up to me and sit on my lap (which she hardly ever did before). From that moment on she came to me frequently to sit on my lap and be hugged. The aggressive behaviour to the other dogs disappeared immediately! Some months later she got a bit aggressive again, but when I repeated my ‘talk’ with her, it disappeared again.
I found these experiences very touching and since then I try to listen and talk to my animals whenever it seems necessary, sometimes in words, sometimes only in my mind. It really works!
Cheers,
Marja
(from Holland)
My mare is very suspicious. I acknowledge what she looks at and then yawn and say, “I see it but silly girl, you are SO MUCH bigger and tougher. You are FINE!” Then keep up the “You’re FINE. You’re FINE…” very firmly as long as she needs the assurance that she can handle it and I’ll protect her. Her ears swivel right around to listen and she breathes easier and we march past. People laugh but I swear talking to her makes all the difference. She trusts me when I say it will be ok – its when people don’t talk to her that they get into trouble! And the yawn seems to convince us both that it can’t possibly be THAT scary
My trainer used to warn me that I better believe it when I say it though or sometime she might just decide that I’m a moron and maybe she better “save” us both.
You’ve probably read Dr. I. M. Miller’s book “The Ancient Secrets of the Horse’s Mind.” From him I learned that one of these secrets is the horse loves to be in synchronisity.
I believe your advice to your client worked so well because you advised her to synchonize with her stallion mentally and emotionally by acknowledging his fear and then further behaved as a good leader by “taking care of ” the danger.
I find when my horse Oreo lets me know he’s afraid, I acknowledge his fear, I synchronize with him mentally and emotionally, I will even do so physically if I’m able, like stand or look with full focus and attention to the fearsome object and say, “Oh, that is indeed a scarey thing!” and then finally, I add with great conviction, “But I’ll take care of you!” He then relaxes and procedes with assurance.