I received an email the other day of short jokes. There was one joke that stood out and made me laugh: “There is a big difference between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get up.” The reason I found this funny is that it so relates to understanding how not to overdo it with horses by being too aggressive or demanding. How to get along in an everyday relationship with a horse as well as two leggeds, is to understanding how to use boundaries as a way to create harmonious interactions with the ones we are connected with so cuddling does not turn into abuse. Many times I see people taking advantage of people by creating a friendship just to take advantage of them. This can happen and happens a lot- that horses will take advantage of their humans that love them. Many times horses become completely in charge of their humans because their human care taker sets no clear boundaries so that the horse knows how to be in a relationship with them.
Here is The Lesson in How to Be Many horse lovers need to be stronger in their boundaries, and even firm. While others need to lift their boundaries.
For you who have trouble setting boundaries, the first step is to clearly understand what needs to exist between you and your horse when there is no need for boundaries. What it looks like is that both you and your horse want to be close and both of you are being nourished by the other, and if one moves closer to the other as a way to influence the other to move over, they would. If these conditions are not occurring, boundaries need to be set by asking the horse to leave your personal space. Understanding these intimacy requirements helps a person to see when there is a need for them. Boundaries when not overdone actually deepen the partnership. You need to let go of boundaries so that when you set them, they are received well, and you understand why you need to set them.
So the question today that I would like to propose is: how do you set boundaries to create more trust and intimacy? And, what is the result you would like to receive from your horse or the two leggeds in your life? I set boundaries with my horses and my two leggeds, when they appear to be inflexible and stiff, and when they are not feeling nourished by my presence. With a horse, I ask for more space between us when a horse has too much energy for me to feel safe having him close to me. Something that might scare him, might cause him to try and kick me, or forget I am there and run over me to get away from what he is afraid of.
I set boundaries when my personal needs are not being met. I also set boundaries for no reason other than to grow the bond to a deeper connection just like in a courtship.
Looking forward to hearing about how you all set your boundaries and also looking forward to hearing about new horse and human sightings!
Have a great weekend!